It is what it is …
Life sucks. I don’t like my job. I don’t make enough money. I can’t get a better job. My health is not great. I can’t seem to loose weight. And everyone is telling me to just suck it up and be positive. Wow!
Can you identify with any of that? Am I one of those folks you feel are just saying to “be happy anyway”? Huh …
Let’s get into it just a bit. Your reality is exactly what it is – in general and right now, in this very moment. Your reality is not anger, frustration,despondency and despair. Those are feelings. Your feelings. Don’t get me wrong – they are very real to you. I get that. But can you step back just a foot or two and see, with me, that they are feelings? Even when you might laugh at a joke, you still have poor health – but just for that moment you set your feelings of despondency aside.
Wait! Don’t go away yet. I am not going to suggest that you “fake good feelings until you feel good”. (Fake it ‘til you make it! No) Those are your feelings. Acknowledge them. But take some time to break things down a bit. What is the situation/reality? Write it down. Make a list of the situations/realities that you have negative feelings about. Now take some time, take a deep breath, and write exactly what your feelings are related to each item on the list. You aren’t looking for solutions or blame here. Just your own feelings.
Now, looking at the list you have, are there situations/realities that are simply immutable? Chronic illness might be one. Age could be one. There won’t be many, if any. For these, are there any things at all that you can do to mitigate the effects on your life? Like treatment? Write those things down. Are you doing those things? Can you? If you can’t, remove from the things you could do. Now, if nothing else can be done it is time to adjust your feelings about these things. It is what it is, pass the beer (wine, martini, cheese – whatever)!
Ok, so what about the things on the list that are not so immutable? No, I am not going to be overly simplistic and tell you to just change them. I know the is not realistic because you would have already changed them if you could. Well what on earth can be done? great question. Back to the list. Look at the feelings beside each item. Take one item at a time. No let’s analyze exactly what it is about that item that causes or generates that feeling in you? Get precise here. Next, consider for each “reason” whether it is real or imagined. Honestly! If it is real, can you realistically do something to change it? Have you tried that and it did not work? If so, is there another way? If not, in either case, “It is what it is – pass the beer”! Time to put that particular it em to bed. You already know your feelings can’t change the situation/reality.
When you have gone through the list and you have identified some things you can actually do, make a list of those things to do and prioritize them. Affordability will impact here so include that in the prioritizing exercise. Don’t put a huge priority on something you can’t afford yet. You want to be able to do the doable.
See, I did not just say to ignore the bad feelings. Rather, do what you can. Realize that the feelings really can’t help to deal with the garbage. Simply, yes it is just simply – “It is what it is – pass the beer”!
Live well (with hope), love always (front of mind and heart) and laugh out loud every day (don’t go to bed until you have found something to laugh out loud about – even if it is just the absurdity of frantically searching for something to laugh about!)