Sep 14, 2020Member-onlyWhy I’m Leaving New York City to Live in an Abandoned Mine ShaftNew York City? Sorry, it’s done. Toast. Over. Put a fork in it. I know it’s one of the greatest cities in the world. So what? The rents are high and an abandoned mine shaft is free. You can’t beat that. I’ve been in this city for 19 years and…New York4 min read
Aug 20, 2020Member-onlyMy Investment’s Brilliant Plan to Virtue-Signal Itself Out of BusinessWhat happens when a wine bar you put capital into turns “anti-capitalist” and chooses piousness and hectoring over profitability and hospitality? No idea. But we’ll find out. Soon. A while back, I saw a Brooklyn wine bar-to-be looking to raise money. I read their pitch and liked it. The entrepreneurs…Business7 min read
Nov 28, 2018Member-onlySinatra Lied!For twenty-two years, STAN ROSENWEIG enjoyed amazing success as owner of the Upper East Side’s Lox & Liver Deli. Within four months of relocating to Carmody, Idaho he was forced to shutter the place, citing local apprehension to “Jew food.” Dog-walker KEYA WHITE made an under-the-table fortune with her Greenwich…Humor2 min read
Nov 15, 2018Member-onlySome Guys Want to Screw You, so Don’t Swipe RightLadies, there are men who want to take advantage of you! I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Yes, his name is Barry and he tried to buy me a drink three times.” But, I’m not talking about Barry, ladies! I’m talking about different guys. Guys who make Barry look…Scam13 min read
Jan 23, 2018Traveling to South Africa with Kids? Read This First.South Africa is a gorgeous country with a profoundly corrupt president, beautiful scenery, fine wine, and some of the dumbest border control policy I’ve ever come across. Ever. I’m a savvy traveler. Met my wife during a trip to Europe. We eventually made kids, and in an effort to make…Travel9 min read
Published in Banterist·Oct 19, 2017Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, Please Don’t Look at Me Right NowThank you, your honor. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I’d like to ask that you avert your gaze from me as I speak, because I’m worried it will detract from what I say. What I have to say is important, and I don’t want you to be all like…Life4 min read
Published in Banterist·Jan 31, 2017This Super Secret Memo Shows How Staples Discourages ShopliftingAs the customer enters the store, make sure to greet them with a cheerful “Hello, welcome to Staples!” so that they feel welcome. Personally interacting with a customer reduces the chances of them shoplifting. After the customer has walked 8 feet, have another employee welcome the person to Staples again…Humor2 min read
Published in Banterist·Jan 26, 20176 All-You-Can-Eat Breakfast Bar Tips From a Navy SEAL!Since Navy SEALs are the go-to information source for all listicles, we asked former SEAL Tim Lippert to tell us how he would apply his SEAL training to conquering the all-you-can-eat breakfast bar. PREPARE FOR THE ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT BREAKFAST BAR “By the time we dropped into Osama bin Laden’s compound in…Humor4 min read
Published in Banterist·Nov 16, 2016My Kitty Cat Still Hasn’t Grasped the Gravity of This ElectionA week ago I awoke, bleary-eyed and exhausted. I’d been up until past three in the morning watching the election results. I stayed up to witness the conventional wisdom get turned on its head. I’d gone to bed too tired to take my makeup off. …Humor3 min read
