The Path to the Life (and Body) You’ve Always Wanted

Brian Sherman
Jul 10, 2017 · 6 min read

There are two paths to take in life. One is safe, secure, and predictable. The other is risky, unknown, and unpredictable. We, as humans, naturally lean toward what is safe and secure. The desire to be comfortable seems to be ingrained into some part of our brain, always subtly swaying us toward what’s easy.

Think about the typical American dream. The goal is to own a home (white picket fence optional, but preferred), have a couple of cars, get married, have children, and have enough money to “enjoy” life. It’s a push to reach some point when things are predictably comfortable, even if it means trading most of our waking hours for a job we don’t really love so we can enjoy the weekends and holidays, retire at 65, travel the world a little, enjoy grandkids, then slow down and relax until it’s all over.

Predictability, comfort, security — these are things we think we want.

Then there’s another part of us. It’s seems a bit more elusive, a bit deeper in the caverns of the heart and mind, but it’s there. We feel the pull of it late at night, or when we are alone and daydreaming. It’s a part of us that longs for adventure, to do something brave, and to live a life of deep meaning.

We are torn between the two paths, more often than not giving in to the safe and secure route. That ache, though, for the “less traveled” way never goes away.

The Body Follows the Heart

If the heart is hurt, the brain will do it’s best to fix the problem. It will do everything possible to bring safety and security into the equation. If the body is not right, like having extra weight, it is because something is off in the brain. If the brain is off, it’s because something is not right in the heart.

In a perfect world, the heart is the guide. It sends signals to the brain and the brain does it’s bidding. The heart moves us one way or another, with no regard to what is necessarily logical. After all, what we deem as logical is a learned response based on our life’s experiences and how we’ve interpreted them. The heart seems to know the truth. If it’s heathy and we actually listen to it, it will always lead us where we need to go, or toward the best decision. It’s why you have a “gut feeling” about something, even if it doesn’t make sense. It’s why falling in love, and the actions involved, often makes no logical sense. It doesn’t have to. The heart knows.

At some point along the way, though, we stopped listening to the heart and started listening more to the brain. The brain always falls back on survival — keeping things safe and predictable. Pain and disappointment happen and hurt the heart. The heart sends that signal to the brain and the brain thinks it needs to pull you away from the pain toward that place of security. This is ultimately why we overeat — and put on the extra body fat.

Why?

It’s simple. The brain needs a predictable and reliable source of comfort.

Love is the Key

Love is what the heart needs above all else. It’s the deepest form of safety and security. Love, though, is not predictable. It’s not something you can control or guarantee. To go after love is to set yourself up for the possibility for pain. It’s risky. The heart knows this, but it also knows that the risk is worth it. When pain and disappointment happen, the heart needs love to heal. Without it, it will look elsewhere for a comparable source of comfort, even if it’s a much shallower source. The only place we need to have security and safety is in our heart, and the only thing that will truly meet that need is love.

When the heart is secure, it will be healthy. The healthy heart is wild and unpredictable. It is free. It will send signals to the brain to do things and go places that don’t make a lot of logical sense, but we “know” that it’s right because the heart says so.

When the heart is unsecure, things are different. The brain takes over trying to find comfort and security. That’s where things go awry.

Food: The Crux of Comfort and Predictability

Food makes us feel safe. To eat is a basic need within all of us. We need energy to stay alive. Our survival is dependent upon food. A long time ago, we had to forage and hunt for our food. Food wasn’t always available. Sometimes there was plenty. Sometimes there was little. The body can handle it. It can store up extra energy (in the form of body fat) when there is an abundance to use for the times when food is scarce. When food is in abundance, and the body is full of sufficient energy, the brain will be calm — it will send signals of security to the body. When that energy gets depleted, the brain sends signals to the body to get more. It’s called hunger. It’s survival 101.

Things are a bit different nowadays. Food is available everywhere. We train ourselves to use it as a way to feel good — comfortable, safe, and secure. We use it to constantly fulfill that basic need built into our DNA. We use it to feel pleasure, too. It’s why sugar is so addictive.

So, if it gives us a similar feeling to love, but is also controllable then it’s an easy substitute to love — but only to a certain degree. We train our brains to use food to keep us comfortable and secure.

Healing the Source

The heart can be healed. It is possible. It can become healthy again. It’s never really stopped sending those signals of life, love, and adventure. The problem is the interpreter: the brain. We have to retrain the brain to listen to the heart again. It’s not a fast process, but there is a way. To start the process (and to continue it) requires a “prescription” of love. Love is available around us, but we often filter its message through the way we love ourselves. The limit you set on how much you love yourself, is the limit you set on how much you’ll receive from others. If you don’t love yourself very much, you’ll have trouble letting others love you. We need love form both sources.

It’s time to love yourself againreally love yourself.

Adventure is Out There

Adventure: it’s risky and unpredictable, but full of life, excitement, and joy. Adventure is a lot like love. They share a lot of the same attributes. We all long for adventure. The problem is that having the wrong way of thinking for long enough has produced a body that can’t live up to the level adventure deep within us. At least, not yet. This is why we have to get our bodies right, too. That pull deep within the heart is leading you toward a life that will require you to be “in shape”.

When the heart is healed and healthy, the brain can be re-formed properly — back to it’s original shape. When the brain is healthy, the body can be re-formed properly — back to its original shape.

This is, after all, what it means to “become the real you.” It’s the original you.

It’s time to get it all back. It’s time to start living the life you know is possible.

Brian Sherman

Written by

Author, entrepreneur, speaker, and proud husband and father. I write about weight loss, identity, and clarity. Blog and free guide at —www.forrealthisti.me

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade