Lesbian Labeling

Why I don’t buy into it.

From when I was a small child I have known I have had feelings toward other girls that I didn’t understand. Growing up in the Mormon church I had always wanted to find a life partner that I could “spend eternity” with and I became very stressed that I kept being told it had to be a man.

Regardless, I envisioned that I would grow up and move in to a cute little apartment with one of my best girlfriends and we would just live together forever and maybe adopt a child and have a family and it didn’t occur to me that the lifestyle I was envisioning was actually one that sounded very lesbianesque. (If that’s a word.)

Last year I came out to myself for the first time as a lesbian, and I’ve been more comfortable with my identity ever since.

Naturally, when I first came out I had people in the community who started telling me how I should dress, the next type of lesbian that I should date, how I should wear my hair, etc. and it was very discouraging.

It was discouraging to the point that I started to have anxieties that I wasn’t lesbian enough. I started to wonder if I would be successful living a life as a lesbian and that if not, what was left for me? If I didn’t look like a lesbian, and act like a lesbian, and wear flannel shirts, and have cats, and shave a side of my head, then I felt like I wouldn’t fit in anywhere. Not with people who were straight, not with the lesbians who were clearly lesbian.

I didn’t change myself in the ways that are listed above, and here’s why:

Being attracted to girls isn’t my entire identity.

It makes up a good part of it, but it’s not something that gets to take over my entire life.i

I spend my time with individuals who are unapologetically who they are and don’t fit into a label and they make me feel like the most authentic version of myself. I know that because they are who they are and they don’t expect me to be or act like someone I’m not, so that I can be unapologetically myself.

So while I respect those who like the “lesbian lifestyle” and change their ways to be apart of it, I am going to continue to dress how I wanna dress, buy what I wanna buy, and I know that one day I will meet a girl who thinks for herself authentically the way that I do.

And if it’s a girl who genuinely likes snap backs, I hope she would be able to tell me exactly why she likes them, and not that it’s because

that’s just what lesbians wear.

Don’t follow suit. Be your own kind of person. Do what you wanna do. The world doesn’t need more of what’s the same, it wants to see how you’re different.

Show your support

Clapping shows how much you appreciated Bri Calveri’s story.