Putting Words In My Mouth: An Adjective With Edge

As someone who works in communications, I’m rarely at a loss for words. I love talking, I love inviting people to talk about themselves. I enjoy the creative challenge of making someone who is not exactly a thrilling conversationalist more interesting by asking that person the right questions to liven things up a bit.

When I first got divorced, though, that ease of expressing myself went out the window. Everyday situations that I normally sailed through were suddenly daunting. I started second guessing everything I wanted to say… I mean, come on, I married the wrong person, stayed in a bad marriage too long. Who was I to skillfully articulate an idea, charm a stranger, give a presentation ever again?

For a while my reputation as the “silver-tongued devil,” a nickname a former colleague had given me in recognition of my ability to turn a pretty phrase … well, it was pretty tarnished. I heard myself stuttering in meetings and unable to fill awkward silences with my usual abundance of stories and anecdotes. I just didn’t have the emotional energy to do much more than get out of bed, go to work, figure out something for dinner and go to sleep. I was too sad.

When you’re that sad, you have to come up with a handful of pat answers to get through each day, until enough time passes and you start coming back to life. You are speech writing for yourself, until your heart gets better and you can go off script.

I used to suffer through long mansplaining sessions with my ex, usually about something related to his research, or how to do something around the house. One day I managed to say, rather all too brightly, “Neat!” after he explained a project at length and with mind-numbing detail. He laughed and started teasing me about it. He grew to think it was a seemingly harmless joke between us: If I uttered “neat” it was shorthand for me saying I was half-heartedly interested, struggling to be polite while bored to tears.

“Neat,” for all practical purposes, is the perfect adjective when you want to say something that meets the requirements of a social situation that merits very little emotional investment. It has body and strength, but isn’t more than it needs to be. Like its use in association with drinking an undiluted glass of whiskey, it is simple but has edge.

I had a casual but intense fling with this guy for six months. We caught each other’s attention while both emerging from painful breakups, seeking something new but not long-term. We had incredible chemistry. Just kissing him completely wrecked me. But he and I knew beyond that, we weren’t very compatible and it would all fade out eventually. Still, I was disappointed the day he decided to let me know he wanted us to stop seeing each other … disappointed because it was ending, but more so because I thought he was a relatively cool person with some degree of empathy, and he was a jerk about it. “I’ve met someone and we’re going away this weekend,” he told me nonchalantly, as if he were relaying the score of the latest Nationals game.

I listened quietly, feeling the tactless but honest sting of his words, lifted my head and looked him in the eyes. “Neat,” I said.

What words do you keep in your arsenal to steel yourself against uncomfortable conversations that merit truth but not much emotional compromise? Tell me about them in a comment below. And if you got something out of this post, I appreciate you liking it.