Leas, actually you can protect yourself. Because if you have the next three months set aside, you can go to HR and do the right thing (which will also protect every other woman in the company from the letch) because if they fire you, you don’t give a damn. And when you don’t give a damn, you carry yourself in a more powerful way.
As for success equals wearing high heels & leather skirts, I’m sorry — what do you think success looks like? This is exactly what business success looks like — You may not like it. You may not want to be part of the gendered capitalist society (do you have an iPhone btw?) but unless you’re the hottest coder in Silicon Valley, success is going to look like heels & expensive clothes.
It may not be success to you — that’s fine. Start your own FOF for whatever your heart’s desire is.
BTW, before you ask, have I ever gone to HR and raised holy hell? Yes, on behalf of a female subordinate whose married boss cornered her in his office. Although I had her go first so she didn’t look like the victim. Then I followed up asking what the next step was. But the fact that I was backing her up, gave her courage and the fact that I didn’t give a rat’s behind if they fired me, gave me courage.
Did I get fired for it? No. He did.