How Creating a Life You Love Starts with Goodbye

You’re consumed with stress. You know there’s something unfulfilled inside of you, but you don’t know what to do differently. You’ve all but given up that you can create a life you love. You tell yourself, I just don’t have what it takes and I should be more grateful for what I do have.

Stop right there.

It’s not that you’re not daring enough to go after your dreams. It’s that you’re too stressed out!

Here’s the bottom line. When you get entangled with nonstop stress, it becomes your norm. You adapt by going into chronic “fight or flight” mode. In time, you become really great at being really stressed out because after all, you’re an amazing overachiever.

Problem is, when you’re in fight or flight mode, the only objective becomes surviving the onslaught of stress. Thriving in life, let alone loving your life, no longer becomes a priority.

Throw in a thought about changing your life, even if you know it’d be better for you, and your mind goes into a panic. Such contemplation is perceived as a threat to you maintaining your high-stress life. And that’s when you start pruning away at any dream you have for a better life before it’s even grown roots.

This is a healthy response to an unhealthy way of living. You’re not meant to live a chronic, high stress life for long periods of time. And, this is where things can change.

To create a life you love, start by saying goodbye.

I’ve struggled with goodbyes for a big chunk of my life. From broken friendships and relationships, the death of loved ones, to not-so-good job endings. Unconsciously, I kept reinforcing this struggle to reinforce my adaptation to a chronic, high-stress life.

I had no idea what a life without chronic stress would be like. I was afraid to say goodbye to a way of living that helped me survive all these years. Thankfully, my nervous system kept nudging me to chill the fuck out, and I started listening. I began actively approaching changes in my life as opportunities for personal empowerment by practicing saying goodbye with intention and gratitude. And, I’m still practicing.

Professionally, I’ve worked with people and organizations going through major transitions for 15 years. Every situation had one thing in common: people were facing a change that scared them. They didn’t know how to get through it. My job was to help create a path that would get them through the change with empowerment and openness to transformation. My answer was to help them experience a Good Goodbye.

Why does saying goodbye matter?

If you’re not conscious of what you’re bringing with you and leaving behind when you commit to creating a new life path, you’re going to have unfinished endings. They’ll take up your energy and attention and leave you with less of it to devote to a new direction. They’re referred to as energetic leaks (another resource: http://www.healyourlife.com/healing-energy-leaks).

You’re already living and tolerating a high-stress life. Don’t let any leaks take away the precious energy you have that’s limited. Learn to say goodbye to those leaks and reclaim the energy for you.

So what do you do?

Take action from the heart.

Here’s a quick exercise for you to ponder a new way of living. Think of goodbyes as a closet cleanup. You’re ready for a new wardrobe (life) that feels more reflective of you. So, you go through your closet and start organizing your clothes (thoughts, behaviors, relationships) into these 3 categories:

1. those pieces you love, actively use, and in no way will get rid of
2. those pieces you once loved but are ready to say goodbye to
3. those pieces you could possibly love all over again if you just moved them to the front of your closet

The hardest pieces to say goodbye to are in Category #3. These are the relationships, behaviors or thoughts you’ve held onto for years, even if you aren’t actively benefitting from them. Although they’re cramming your closet full, you keep believing that one day things will change and you’ll end up needing them again. The ambiguity of the unknown (aka: future) is what’s holding you up and keeping your closet crammed.

Go to your closet, assess what you have in there, and answer the following questions:

• How many pieces do you have that are in Category #3?
• What do you fear will happen if you let them go?
• If you were to free up space by saying goodbye to them, what would you want to do with the freed up space?

To make more room in your closet (life) for a new wardrobe (new behaviors, thoughts, relationships), say goodbye to those pieces of ambiguity. You’re already tapped out dealing with a chronic, high-stress life. Each hanger you can free up to make room for something new that inspires and energizes you is critical. Learn to create a Good Goodbye.

Inspired to do more closet cleaning?

If there’s a part of you that resonates with what I’m saying, please give yourself permission to make more room for something new in your life. I invite you to attend my upcoming 1-hour webinar on September 7th, 2016 How Creating a Life You Love Starts with Goodbye. Click here to learn more.

And remember, everything doesn’t need to change overnight. The key here is to just be open and committed to new possibilities. Come join me on September 7th and together, let’s take action from the heart.