Trump Actually Has Some Great Ideas

I have historically been a liberal Democrat. I voted and campaigned for Obama in 2008 and 2012 and I planned to vote for Hillary in November. But I have to say that on some points I agree with Donald Trump. Trump suggested that America engage in a “total and complete shutdown” of certain people coming into the United States, “until our country’s representatives can figure out what’s going on.” No one can deny that’s a reasonable proposal. In the face of perpetual violence and unrest in this country, none of us can sit by and allow this country to slip into ruin without making an effort to improve things. If a group has violent tendencies or has been conditioned to hate and commit acts of violence against Americans, we must do something.

In light of this, I propose we eliminate our nation’s greatest enemy: straight, white men (SWM).

SWM are more likely to kill police, rape women, abuse their children, steal from their clients, avoid taxes and start wars. When SWM first came to this country, they didn’t even bother to learn the language or customs. They stole people out of their homes and away from their families. They enslaved and denied rights to American citizens and they continue to do so today. Historically, more terrorist attacks have been carried out by SWM than any other group. They take over government buildings at gunpoint and pollute the environment. “They have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems to us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.”

However, a few good ones don’t justify the willy-nilly approach that we have taken in this country. We have to step up and do something to eliminate the greatest threat to American exceptionalism.

My four-step plan for freedom:

1.Isolation: Nothing is more dangerous that open communication and allowing people to speak up. To combat this, we put all the SWM in one place where we can watch them, monitor their movement and catch anyone with possible ties to terrorism or terrorist organizations like the KKK.

We may not be able to afford to drive or fly all of the SWM to one location, but we can walk them there. We’ll compel them to uproot from their homes and their families and walk thousands of miles to internment camps that will house them while we’re figuring out what’s going on. We may lose a few on the trail, but “like they say, nobody made it to the top without breaking a few pieces of china.” I must acknowledge that in a traditional internment camp with fences keeping them in, there is the possibility of escape. We may be forced to entertain a more drastic option. Maybe a wall.

2. Deportation: If they won’t submit to the internment camps, tell them to go back to Germany or England or wherever they came from. Admittedly, this part of the plan is considerably more difficult to make work fiscally, but we can always ask Trump. He already has an airtight plan for how we can deport mass quantities of people without damaging the American economy. #blessed

3. Psychological reconditioning: SWM have believed, falsely, for thousands of years, that they are a superior subgroup. We must change this perception if we’re going to get anywhere. Women, cross the street when you see a SWM walking towards you and look visibly agitated when they are around. If a SWM moves into your neighborhood, set up a forum where neighbors can communicate about their behaviors. Call the police anytime they do anything suspicious like drive down the street more than once, or stand in front of your house. Strip away any positive representations of SWM in the media. Manufacture a culture that turns them against each other and then follow reports of state-sanctioned SWM deaths with statistics about white-on-white crime to highlight the epidemic of violence among them. (Did you know that white people are more likely to be killed by a white person than any other race? Maybe they should worry about that before worrying about being killed by people outside their race.) Every now and then, if we find a good one, we can hold him up as an example to the rest of them so they’re convinced that with hard work, they can be great too. It may cripple their spirits, but it will make them easier to control.

4. Changing the laws: We must make sure we contain any remaining threat through legislation. If we can disenfranchise them through incremental measures, we may be able to keep them in check. Through gerrymandering, it should be possible to restructure districts while they are in the camps. When it comes to our borders, we don’t need to worry too much about SWM immigrating here from other places. Our immigration policies are historically difficult to navigate. If all else fails, we’ll use a compulsory registration to keep track of who and where they are. The key to this four-step plan is to strip SWM of any power.

My plan won’t solve all of our problems. We will still have to deal with a few terrorists, rapists and killers within our own gender or race, but the primary threat will be neutralized, allowing us to clean things up before we allow them back into mainstream society. If we execute this four-step system, I am certain that we could be free of the SWM threat within ten years.

Can you imagine how freeing it would be to spend less time worrying about whether or not your children will be shot at school, your daughter will be raped on campus, your mother will be murdered at church, your husband will be strangled while standing on the sidewalk? With all of that extra time, you could go on a mission trip to Europe and take cute pictures with SWM refugees along with cute hashtags like #LeastOfThese. You could put on the white face makeup for your Halloween costume, simultaneously degrading SWM as individuals and appropriating their culture.

Or you could simply walk down the street and marvel at how free you feel in your own skin, just like people did in this country before the white man.


** — The author considered researching and fact checking this article, but then realized that her feelings were telling her it was true so she decided to just go with that.