Why Am I Here…..Aging is another life transition
The “Why am I here?” question that drives people to religion, to get married, have kids, get divorced, buy stuff, sell stuff, uproot — leave their jobs and travel for ever….This simple yet complex question can torture us without discrimination from teens to death.
Thinking back to my younger years I always thought that age would make my “cause” clearer. But with all the twists and turns that have happened the path has become very convoluted and confusing.
It’s not easy to look back and make sense of my choices and there are many times I wish I had not been so impulsive, stubborn and invincible. But hey — that’s where we learn the tools of life eh.
Towards the end of my mums life she was suffering terribly with heart problems, blindness and was in a lot of pain — as well as being very lonely now that dad had died.
Mum’s big interest in life was writing, she loved it. As well as talking to people and being independent. These things were torn from her life through illness, blindness and supreme unhappiness.
Just before she died she told me that she had nothing left to give anymore. This was not because she was burned out or tired — but she literally could no longer write or see and struggled to get out and about, her friends had dropped off and there was just nothing she had to offer anybody.
There was no reason to be.
It’s taken me over a decade to really understand what she meant, but now I do and couldn’t agree more.
It’s not to try and be someone else, live a “dream”, build a vision board, listen to someone else's successes…this is my life and it’s getting on towards the last decades.
My reason to be is not to leave a legacy or to be immortal and be remembered for eternity. I am finite, I will die, and that’s the one thing in life that’s an absolute definite.
It’s not like I can just throw myself into something new and begin again. I’m 60 now — and although far from being “over the hill” it’s still a time of truly discovering my real purpose and simply enjoying it.
Feeling at peace when confronted with the youthful society we live in and accepting that it’s ok. Allowing the youth to revel in their energy and fearlessness, to make their own mistakes and learn how to fix them is a wonderful thing to watch.
We live in an amazing age where we — as older women — get to live longer and far healthier than many of our predecessors. We have freedom — but it seems to come at a cost.
The cost is loneliness.
Why am I here?
I am here to learn, to be, to inspire others, to write, teach and heal and to walk the beach at sunset.
I am here to watch my children grow, make major life decisions alone, tackle the powers that govern us and find their path meandering through the complex world we live in.
Ultimately I am here to love and to be at peace.