Thank you Mom

I was not with my mom when she passed away. That was one of the hardest things to come to terms with — that she was all alone when she took her final breath. I recall my dad coming out the hospital ward and breaking the news to me — that moment will haunt me for the rest of my life. It was a moment filled with such intense shock, disbelief, absolute hysteria, and indescribable and inconsolable devastation. I remember going in to see my mom’s body and to say my final goodbyes. What could I say to the woman who had given birth to me; my own beloved mother whose body had given up the fight. She still felt so warm and looked at peace. I have never felt more emotional turmoil and complete bewilderment as I did right then. I stayed with her for a few minutes while waiting for the priest to arrive. After the prayers and blessing, I made the sign of the cross on my mom’s forehead, like she had always done to us growing up, and I kissed her goodbye. It has been one year since that shattering day. I have been doing a lot of reflecting and now have a slightly better idea of what I would say to my mom. So often after losing a loved one we focus on the future losses but I am going to try to rather remember and give thanks for the times we shared together.

Thank you Mom for giving me so many fun childhood memories. You made an effort to spend quality time with us and I have such enjoyable memories of our family adventures to Fish Hoek Beach and Kalk Bay. We made houses out of cardboard boxes, enjoyed picnics together, visited the library to take out records, played netball on chalk drawn courts, dressed up for pretend weddings, baked bread together and licked out the mixing bowls. And not forgetting the time you took me on my first roller coaster ride! Thank you for teaching us that the time spent with your family and being truly present in the moment far outweighs any materialistic gift you could ever give.

My childhood was filled with star charts and chores, strict rules and rewards; and from this we learnt about love, respect for others and the importance of working together as a family. Oh, do I need to repeat RESPECT again…parents rule the house, not the children. Respect your elders.

Thank you for not being in a rush to clean up the wrapping paper sprawled out on the floor on Christmas morning, or stressing over dirty dishes scattered across our home after a family get-together. I recall a feeling of utter pride and happiness as I walked through the house the following morning. Seeing all those dirty dishes made me feel so grateful to be part of such a loving family. “Thank God for dirty dishes; they have a tale to tell. While others may go hungry, we’re eating very well. With home, health, and happiness, I shouldn’t want to fuss. By the stack of evidence, God’s been very good to us.”

Thank you Mom for teaching me that there is more to someone besides their physical appearance. My mom was not the type to pass judgemental comments on someone’s dress sense and appearance. These things never mattered to her. Nor did she waste money on unnecessary clothes, accessories and make-up. She knew all along that there was more to life. Thank you for teaching me not to judge others but instead to look at their heart and soul. These qualities being especially important to females who often are compelled to fit in to what society dictates is acceptable. There is far more to life than taking part in this senseless façade. My mom gave me the courage to stand out and not to base my happiness on what other people think. In a world where we are so often consumed by materialism and altered images of people that result in a distorted ego, you taught us what counts in life.

Thank you for teaching us that girls can do anything they want and put their minds to. I have fond (and noisy) memories of you drilling holes in walls and mowing the lawn. Things that are typically considered a man’s work. You would not hesitate to do that teaching us from a young age that chores as well as careers do not need to be separated according to gender; and that women are capable of doing any career that they wish, and parenting and maintaining the household is a shared responsibility.

You had an incredible strength and taught us to be determined and to work hard in life. Thank you for working so hard and sacrificing so much to send us to the best school that you could. Education was so important to you hence your utter pride at our university graduations.

Thank you for teaching me the importance of faith and how this can carry one through life. You were so committed and a firm believer in your religion. A true role model you were Mom.

Thank you for the all the love that your poured into preparing our family meals. Your cooking truly was amazing and what better way to bring our family together. Bacon and eggs on Sunday mornings, traditional roasts and lavish and delectable Easter and Christmas meals. I find that these days I start craving your home cooked food and even just the smell of a Sunday roast is nourishing to the soul.

One of your greatest loves (besides Dad) was music. This was a healing tool for you as you found solace in the words and were able to allow yourself to be whisked away from the complexities of life. Many of these songs now hold a special place in our hearts and they have the same effect on us as they did on you by cleansing and nourishing our souls.

Gossiping was just not your style — you had more dignity than this. You also valued the virtue of honesty. You always supported the underdog and gave people many chances. You patiently trained, supported and built up people to do a better job at your work.

Important life lessons I learnt from my mom: Life is unfair, accept it and make the most of what you have been given. You taught us that life is tough and often can be a battle. In fact it can be just plain cruel sometimes, but the important thing is to keep on trying even through the difficulties as well as the failures.

Your passing was a painful reminder that life is short. We need to seize the moment, make each day count and not to wait until the end to let our loved ones know how we feel about them.

I wish you could have read this while you were still alive, but this is not about having regrets…it’s simply a thank you. I am so blessed to have had you as a mom. Other mothers spend a lifetime trying to pass on these important values to their children. You just managed to do it in a shorter time.

As we scatter your ashes at one of your favourite and most spiritual places, may we be able to escape the sorrow and the pain; as I know you have. As I hold on to the ash that once made up you, I say thank you….thank you for being my Mom. May your hard working body be at rest in the depths of the ocean and may your soul live forever more with Our Father.

“Treasured in my heart you will stay; until we meet again someday”.

Love you always and forever Mom. Xx