What Is Happy? My journey to finding that out…

For years and years I’ve always been told the same thing, that happiness can not be searched for or located in some place somewhere outside of my body. I have to find that happiness within me first, people say, in order to live a happy life.

I struggled with this idea for a while. How could it be that simple if I wasn’t feeling good enough to begin with? Well, I kept hitting my head against the mental wall of worries and self doubt that I had so intricately created. This wall was covered in flyers top to bottom that read statements in big, bold print like: “Not feeling good enough about yourself? Call Britlin. She can relate.” And at a certain point, looking at that wall every day became truly tiring, because there was a whole, beautiful world right behind it waiting for me to knock that frickin’ wall down.

For most of my younger life, I resonated with introspective people; the folks hiding in their rooms, creating, making something alone to share later. And so, I dived into writing music, studying and analyzing every movie I ever loved as well as every score. I was hungry for connection deep down, and even though my “being alone in my room” appeared like “escapism”, it wasn’t. I was looking for me somewhere. Where was the “soul” of me? How could I bring it to life fully and finally tear down my insecurities with the outside world?

By jumping into the outside world in full force. A plane ride from NY to CA. All by myself on a plane. Going somewhere I had never been. That was the only healthy answer, and it was the greatest turning point my life has EVER been blessed with. I thank God every day. I pinch myself and say, “thank you”, again and again. This leap of faith gave me things I always prayed for, and now have. I have the love of my life. I have the best kind of friends that anyone could ever ask for, and I’m happy. I am proud of myself for venturing out into the unknown with hope and faith as the wings on my back.

For the first time, I’ve learned that “finding happiness” is the same thing as finding my soul. If I find my soul’s identity, which is the pureness and love from which it came, my happiness is found so easily. If my soul had an identity that could be phrased, it would say:

I am a feminine power with a passionate goal to bring people together and give to those who haven’t been given to.

What would your soul’s phrase say?

Love and Blessings,

Britlin Lee