Why Men Deserve More Than A Man Cave. Seriously.
Equality Is A Two-Way Street.
I’ve always found it interesting when I’m in the middle of a conversation with other adults and a husband mentions his “man cave” only to be met with a “look” by his wife that says, “here he goes, again.” I usually sit there, quietly, and awkwardly, wondering why spouses roll their eyes so often at the great men they got married to. In these moments, I usually drift off in thought, recalling a meal I liked, or a pretty dress I found on Etsy.com.
I guess, being that I know what the sweet taste of freedom is like (after moving years ago and re-directing my life’s path), I’m now aware of what it takes to have balance in a relationship. I’d call myself a contemporary wife. I’m into independence and dependence, trust and comfort, adventure and romance. But I’m also into not being privileged or entitled. Those things suck. Yes. Don’t do those things.
So, anyway, as I was sitting there amongst several couples a while back (and this has happened, by the way, with several people over the same exact topic), I wondered how bad it might be kind of if I interrupted them out of the blue by saying: “Who cares? It’s a man cave and he deserves it!” Or something more tolerable like “Sooooo… how about that Trump guy? Isn’t he a hoot?”
Ever have those moments? Or is it just me? When listening to wives laughing down at their husbands is just like watching someone put a popcorn bag in the microwave but then for some reason it’s popping in slow motion and every second of this conversation feels like the dinger won’t ever actually ring and you’re just waiting for what feels like the length of a Lord of the Rings movie (all of them), for someone to change the subject? No? No takers? Maybe you, that lady waving nervously in the back row?
My stomach tenses. I get a little eye twitch. Then, I squeeze my husband’s hand a little tighter, praying that he knows I’ll never treat him that way. That won’t be our future. That won’t be our future. I can’t be the only one!
You see, it starts with the man cave, and then the time out with his guy friends, and then the way he talks at social functions, and then the way he sips coffee and breathes. It’s ridiculous! Several men are altered after marriage as if they’re suits in need of tailoring. Who gave us the all-ruling staff of power to dictate what our loving, magnificent men can and cannot do?
Marriage doesn’t make a leader and a servant. It doesn’t make two leaders butting heads. It makes two friends, two teammates for life. Friends want the best for each other. A teammate will put himself or herself to the side just to help their other pal out. Friends will stick up for each other and remain loyal. And the number one rule of friendship is that you NEVER try to change your friend at all. But you can help them and watch out for them. So, why on earth should LOVE get in the way of the rules of friendship?
It doesn’t need to. It’s hard work to remember:
- I don’t need to bring up chores as soon as he gets home.
- He does deserve time out with buddies even if I haven’t had a chance to schedule time with my girls.
- He works his ass off and doesn’t need another thing added to his list.
- If he wants quiet time, he deserves quiet time. It’s a two-way street.
Ladies, if you saw this type of behavior in your parents while growing up, it doesn’t mean that you have to live that way also. If you’ve got a man who treats you like a Queen, remember to treat him like a King. Marriage doesn’t equal privilege or dominance. Marriage is mutual. Marriage is loving and communicative. Marriage is friendship most of all. Let go of the man cave issue and see it as a blessing. If he has a place to be himself, that doesn’t mean he’s unhappy or that he can’t be himself with you. But if you make it all about that he’s trying to find a place of acceptance outside of you, he will run to that place faster than an avalanche just to feel like himself.
Let the man be. Give him balance and your marriage will be ten times happier and honest. He will rely on you even more and be truly grateful to you. No guy needs another mama giving him house rules. He needs a wife. Just say no to the obvious, of course, like, watching another episode of Curb or sleeping throughout the morning. Oh, wait. That’s not general enough. My bad. (Sorry, hunny) :)
Here are some comics I truly love, just to switch things up a bit. By www.instagram.com/jude_devir.