Our Blog’s Official Abortion Getaway Guide.

A satire for our current times.

Source: Pixabay.

Here on Boss Lady Travel, we do our best to provide tips and tricks that keep your travel life poppin.’ We’re here for your Disneyland hacks, the best things to do in Savannah, and the best times of year to visit New Orleans (Mardi Gras, anyone?).

But lately, you’ve all been asking us about a new kind of excursion: Abortion getaways.

Naturally, we couldn’t resist spilling our tips! These will apply anywhere you decide to exercise your right to bodily autonomy.

Where to stay:

  • The cheapest AirBnb you can find. Why spend cash when you’re going to be laying down with a heated water bottle for hours straight?
  • Your cool aunt’s house. Don’t ask, don’t tell. Just bring cigarettes.
  • The apartment above the pizza place across the street from Planned Parenthood. Add in Netflix and it’s all a modern Boss Lady needs!

Helpful tip: Using AirBnb gives a receipt that validates your “spontaneous long weekend” to conservative bosses and nosey coworkers.

Fun Activities To Try:

  • Enjoy a boozy brunch (obviously!). No fetus, no problem. Bring on the prosecco!
  • Take on a local fair or event. Sure, there’s screaming children. But you can handle it. You won’t be adding to their numbers.
  • Get caught up on the Marvel universe. If you need the air conditioner, you may as well get caught up on all the pop culture you’ve missed working.

Helpful tip: Book your two-week checkup immediately after your appointment. You don’t want to miss out on your “bonus” getaway!

Top Attractions:

  • Indie coffee shops. You’ll be tempted to smuggle it all back. Try to resist!
  • Experimental Theatre. Any state where this kind of getaway is possible will be chock full of this compared to home.
  • Legal weed. You’re on vacation. Why not live a little?

Helpful tip: Remember that you won’t be able to lift anything or take baths for a few weeks after your getaway’s main event. Take it easy. And when in doubt, take edibles.

Shop This Getaway Look:

  • Thick glasses. Even if you’re going just one state over, you don’t want to risk the “what are you doing here?” interactions.
  • Fitted Hoodie. You want to be anonymous. But we still have our vacay style dignity.
  • Purple anything. Obvious Child did it first. Choose a purple pullover, get yourself purple flowers, even purple Crocs count. Gotta represent! Without attracting attention, of course.

Helpful tip: Pack your fanny packs! Shuffling through a crowd of protestors is much easier without a purse with handles.

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