Pay me enough to obsess.
A work rant in poetry.
My greatest asset to a workplace is my obsession.
The motor inside me that pushes me to order a calzone with cookies and spend a weekend inside researching countries that end in -stan.
The compelling force that tracks notes about a book I didn’t even like, so I can vent about it in detail for strangers to hear.
The annoying bitch inside my head that wants me to watch 500 movies in a year, even when I fail and have to stretch it out two months further.
A narrow mind is a terrible thing to waste.
Which is why, however difficult, I must ask for more.
I need more money for this gift.
Why? Because obsession cannot be divided.
It cannot worry about bills, food, or being good enough.
Obsession needs to be free. Free from worry and malice.
Because yes, malice does come when money is not enough.
Obsession does not love. It does not know “team work,” not the holy single work but the act of being a team in order to get things done.
Obsession does not care about working for the love of a concept. It has it’s own needs, and if they are not served it will move on.
Those who are gifted with obsession are able to tap into a self respect that very few people can access. This comes from surrendering to something above yourself that you are absolutely certain loves you back.
Those who can force obsession to work for them without security are uniquely gifted. Uniquely gifted or delaying the inevitable explosion of anger and resentment.
Those who expect people to be obsessed with no reward (perhaps as part of their greater personal plan) do not understand what a precious gift obsession truly is. It is not something to be awakened, but rather enticed.
There are those who say that art is made from true obsession. That is true. But what do we know about the artists who do not treat their work like work, and do not love themselves enough to get their life in order? They stop making art. Obsession leaves me.
It is time for me to admit what I can best bring to a company: My capacity for obsession.
It is only through fixation, devotion, and selfless artistic dedication that I can make my best work. It is selfish. But there is no other way for me.
This is why I seek positions that I know can and will pay me well. It is selfish. But that is the only way I can harness my gift to make incredible things.
I know I am not the only one. The world is littered with people who have set down hobbies, jobs, and even relationships because there was not enough security to become fully devoted. They count themselves foolhardy for dedicating their minds and hearts to something that did not love them back. These poor people fail to realize that all they have done wrong is select the wrong target.
To obsess is to require more than someone who does not obsess.
But to obsess is to see things that others could not possibly see, and have greater endurance at looking for more.
Own your obsession. Give it what it needs.