I’m Energetically Drained

Hi, I’m Britni and I’m an empath.
What’s an empath? you may ask…
We’ve all heard the word empathetic, or empathic, or my favorite phrase to say “I can totally relate”.
You see, an empath is one who understands and often shares the feelings of another.
As an empath, I take on the feelings, emotions, mindset, vibes, calms, anxieties, worries, strengths, subtleties, body language, stresses, opinions, anger and joys of everyone else. This isn’t a story about sympathies or concerns, instead it’s a story about recognizing who I am and approaching it better. It’s about being vulnerable and sharing with others, who may feel the same, that you’re not alone when you feel energetically drained.
I help, I listen, I attempt to fix, and I fix until I realize I can’t fix what is broken. And somewhere throughout this process, I managed to break myself.
I listen and I take on. I digest it all.
I’m drained. I’m tired.
I feel like an empty swimming pool. Its as if I’m waiting for the Dogtown kids to show up with their long tow head hair, Vans and skateboards, to start shredding on my concrete curves.

From my recent traumas, from surgery to loss, I’ve depleted my heart and my soul. I’m coming up empty, with little to give to myself and to others. I can give advice, advice that I, myself, need to follow. But I don’t recognize it until I type or say it out loud and my heart goes “ahh…”
Duh Britni. Pay attention.
More so than ever, I’m mindful of how a situation or environment physically makes me feel. My gut instinct is 100% right. My intuition never fails. This feeling of uneasiness or happiness arises from my stomach to my throat and I recognize it as an emotion, a sign, guidance. Its indicative of how I feel. My intuition still manages to guide me even when I’m totally numb, just gliding through my experience unaware of anything.
I need to set better boundaries. I know this.
I need to say no to the things that don’t serve me.
When people are upset or angry with me, even by no fault of my own, I believe it, and feel guilt and shame, when it was never my doing.
I’ve made myself feel physically stuck, like I’m walking (slowly, like a turtle) with cinderblock strapped to the bottom of my feet.
I can’t see myself, and have been told that lately I seem “lighter”, but I still don’t quite “see it”, but I’m starting to pay attention to perhaps its not seeing it that is what I need, and instead I feel it.
I’m putting in the work to make me feel better, to get me back to myself, and back on the course.
Or, perhaps I’ve been on the course all along, and I’m slowly getting to know and accept the uncomfortableness of it all.
I’m ok with this.
I’m setting boundaries and recognizing some needs to take care of in the process: myself.
I realize that the me “now” is far different than the me “then”. I’m searching for glue, tape, and fabric to put my shattered pieces back together. I may physically look the same, but internally I feel different.
My scars and traumas are very much apart of my story, but they do not define me.
This is the part in the story where I come to a fork in the road. I can choose to live and write my story, or continue to sit and stare at an blank white page.
As an empath there is much self awareness. I “see” myself in others, based on my past experiences and advices.
I know many turn to me to help support and encourage, there are days where I have a tribe where I feel the same support, and many days where I feel alone and without a tribe. This is common for an empath. Its by no fault of the tribe. It just is.
I have a strong community of friends, for that I am grateful, and I need to get better at saying when I need to be and feel supported, listened to and not lectured.
Although I am depleted, I’m at a crossroads. Perhaps this crossroad has appeared at time where I recognize I am standing in front of it, versus walking away from it. I’m identifying potential opportunities to make myself feel better, stronger, wiser, and less broken.
I know that I’m here to share my story, to inspire others to be their best version. I know that in doing so I have to limit my energy and be mindful to the energy of every situation. I can no longer allow myself to be, feel, and live drained; in doing so I choose to live my best life, the life that is right for me and that I get to write.
