Stop Asking Quiet People Why They’re So Quiet

Why We Hate it So Much — And What You Should Do Instead

In 7th grade, I had a health teacher named Mr. Schultz. Mr. Schultz was a gruff New Yorker type — in his mid forties, stout but muscular — the kind of guy you could picture having been a cop before deciding it wasn’t right for him and settling on a teaching career instead.

Mr. Schultz didn’t seem to ever want to teach us about health. Instead, he liked to tell stories. And in these stories, he was always the hero.

These stories were supposedly true, and usually about past students. In all of them, the student was neglected, abused, suicidal or some other flavor of mentally unwell. And in all of these stories, Mr. Schultz managed to save the day. He made a call to child protective services. He had a heart-to-heart talk. He got the kid into therapy. You get the idea.

Mr. Schultz, apparently, thought I was one of those kids that needed saving (I wasn’t). One day, when I walked up to his desk to hand in my homework, he said, “Hey Brockner, why you so quiet?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I just am.”

And then he said, within earshot of other students, “Everything ok at home?”