Where Does Ambition Actually Come From? (And How To Decolonize It)
This topic excites me. I feel like I could write a thesis on this.
Yes, it’s about ambition versus intuition, action versus passivity, but really it’s about binaries. It’s about watching as we swing wildly from one side of the spectrum to the another, and how we tend to get caught in the extremes.
We could study innumerable fables, myths, fairytales, stories, archetypes and legends that speak to this very same conundrum. Nature is always in balance, nature is never binary. This subject moves me because it’s about liberation. What I’m presenting for your consideration here concerns our liberation from binaries, our liberation from an oppressive confinement of our own human nature.
Today’s exploration lies at the heart of my edgiest learnings right now. seeing the horizon of my evolution, at the very perimeter of my comfort zone. people say everything we want is outside our comfort zone, but Timothy of Accelerated Spanish says actually the greatest gifts that lead to what we want lie at the very edge of our comfort zone, in the transition, in the slogging through the swamp between comfort and discomfort.
Question: Is ambition desirable? Or is it potentially deadly? Is there such a thing as healthy ambition?Or is all ambition innately toxic, because it’s coming from our controller saboteur?
BTW, this is an honest inquiry, not a leading question. here’s where I’m at with it…
There are many ways to circle around and inspect this same idea. One of the most straightforward ways is to perhaps say that I am taking ambition head on. How did I stumble onto this path of dismantling my own ambition? I was guided here by Spirit, which showed up in many ways. I’m finding that this topic inhabits a complex + vast intersection of many teachings and theories I’ve been exposed to… including transformative justice + anti-racism work, entrepreneurship, leadership, plant medicine and visionary psychedelic journeywork, ACIM, archetypal and mythic study… and more. I’m learning about ambition from people who are modeling both how I want to be, and how I DON’T want to be.
Let’s hear from Marianne Williamson, a lifelong student and teacher of ACIM (also a presidential candidate in the 2020 election. Deep respect for those among us who walk both the spiritual and political path with equal devotion and wisdom.) Here’s what she has to say about ambition:
Does an embryo have to be ambitious to become a baby? Does an acorn have to become ambitious to become an oak tree? Does a bud have to be ambitious to become a flower?
No, there is natural programing which is built into the universe.
The embryo is programmed to become a baby, the bud is programmed to become the blossom, the acorn is programmed to become an oak tree.
You are already programmed to be the highest level of manifestation that reflects the ultimate highest creative possibility for you in this lifetime — which, by the way, is infinite.
Now, ambition means you doubt that. To be ambitious is actually to doubt God. To be ambitious is saying, “I need to walk ahead of God here, I need to make something happen.”
The spiritual life is not where you are making something happen, the spiritual life is where you’re allowing everything to happen.
In 2021, my theme for the year was Ecosystem over Ego-system. Intuition over Ambition. Miracles over manifesting.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the process of manifesting. one archetype pointing to this innate power of creation is the Magician archetype of the tarot (card #1), who embodies the alchemical principle ‘as above so below’. This means bringing spirit down into matter, which is is what many of us devote our lives to. The magician, the alchemist, turns lead to gold, but in actuality this is a practical rather than chemical process, where turning our own base natures to gold… mining the gold from our shadows and lower frequencies. I’ve always loved this process. The Secret was a big deal for me when it came out, totally turned my reality around, though i also realized I had always been doing it already…
So, yes to manifestation. It’s a natural current that we can choose to merge with.
And yet…
What’s the cost when we become obsessed with “manifesting”?
When does manifestation become another measure of control?
Are we deluding ourselves that we’re in the drivers seat, instead of inviting GOD/divine/source/the universe/creator to be in the drivers seat? (In which case, you get to be co-pilot.)
And a very important, often overlooked question:
Why on earth would you want absolute control over your life?
We are SO narrow minded, narrow sighted as a species. Hold your hands around your eyes so you can only see a tiny portion of your visual field… that’s an accurate metaphor of how much of your own potential you can see. So if we insist on creating and controlling from that limited vision, we are going to therefore be extremely limited in what we create!
Another way to think about this is the difference between being pulled and pushing. “there’s a pull, and there’s a push” as a dear friend shared with me. This is the distinction between flow and force. We know what it’s like to force… it’s stressful, exhausting, and often futile. Another option is to be like water, to be fluid and unattached to where we are going. And so long as we are serving a deeper purpose and connected to source, who cares where we go?
How does this show up for us? In my productivity, my schedule, my mindset. In my stress levels, and my nervous system.
The more ambitious I am, the more tension I feel in my body, the more stress on my nervous system.
You can feel it, can’t you? The difference between flowing and forcing? Between pushing, and being pulled?
Now with that in mind…
What about this term, decolonizing? what does that mean?
I’m seeing ‘decolonizing xyz’ a lot, and I really appreciate the reframe on how we can dismantle old patterns and behaviors from an angle of seeing how culture is woven so deeply into it.
We can decolonize the body, decolonize our schedule, decolonize our productivity, decolonize our language… to decolonize, as I’m understanding it, is to hit rewind, go back and look at the origins of why we are a culture of ambition in the first place, and then weave those learnings into a new way of being for the present moment thats more attuned to the frequency of love, care and compassion.
I’m gonna pause for a moment and visibilize my identity before I go on (gratitude to Be The Change out of Oakland for that term visibilize). I want to clearly name my own positionality here as an American born, white-bodied, cisgendered (mostly) hetero woman (gratitude to Aaron, Porsha and the team at Holistic Resistance for that term “positionality” which gives us permission to clearly lay out and name aspects of our identity). So I’m speaking on this topic bringing my own identity to the conversation. I’m also deeply curious and devoted to dismantling my own whiteness, which means I’m on a journey to decolonize my SELF, my mind, my thoughts and beliefs. Thats a big job, and a lifelong endeavor.
That also means my positionality greatly impacts my own capacity to hold this topic. It’s a work in progress, y’all. Thank you for being with me in it.
I want to share next some gems from an article written by Kenneth Jones + Tema Ukun, who created an illuminating document that lays out 15 specific characteristics of white supremacy culture. See the show notes to read the article in its fullness.
As I read through this list, it’s undeniable where our ambition comes from. Without repeating the entire document, here’s the aspect I see tied tightly to our ambition:
1. Perfectionism- because if we must be perfect, ambition is the obvious path.
2. A sense of urgency- because prioritizing speed = ambition.
3. Quantity over quality- because prioritizing quantity = ambition
4. Only one right way- because back to perfectionism
5. Either/or thinking- because if passivity is weakness, then strength is ambition
6. Progress means bigger, more- self explanatory.
7. I’m the only one- because if I have to do it in order to do it right, I’ve got to be ambitious to get it all done
Helpful, right? To see where the ambition actually comes from.
“If I can see the ways I am perpetrating systemic oppressions, if I can see where I learned the behavior and how hard it is to unlearn it, I start to have more humility as i see the messiness of the communities i am part of, the world i live in.”
- Adrienne Maree Brown
Seeing Life through this lens is teaching me about the vital importance of slowing down. In our goals, in our ambitions, and certainly in how that affects our relationships with others. If I choose to prioritize my ambitions above all else, there are ramifications on my body, my mind, my relationships and my environment. We can clearly see on planet Earth what happens when we choose to prioritize ambition above all else. The result is deluding ourselves to think we are independent, control over nature, using force (which results in violence), dominance, the bottom line, decay, destruction, disease, death. The result is INDIFFERENCE, which is perhaps the most terrifying result of all.
So I look around me, I see the truth through what’s happening on a bigger scale on our planet… and I know I cannot prioritize achieving over relating. I’m learning (SLOWLY, and with many many reminders to begin again) to move at the pace of relationship. When I think I’ve learned it, I get a wake up call showing me I’ve slipped back into the unconscious pattern of dominance. And then I begin again.
Confronting the Fear of Slowing Down
Slowing down is scary. That fear, let’s look at it… What am I afraid of if I slow down?
I’m afraid I’ll fail, I won’t make enough money, I won’t keep up with the people I’m comparing myself to (ahem), I’m afraid I’ll never “make it”, that I won’t be able to buy my future home or be able to be as generous as I want to. For me, a lot of it comes back to prosperity, to enoughness… to be enough and have enough (this way of thinking is insidious!)
But also, slowing down means we make ourselves more available to feel it all. Moving more slowly creates more space for joy, and for grief. Part of the relentless speed is in service of numbing out. How did the founders of the USA justify stealing human beings from other continents to come and be enslaved, free sources of labor? How did the founders justify stealing land from the indigenous native ones who were already here, stealing their identity, homes, and beliefs along with the land? The only answer I can come up with is ambition. We can easily override our humanity if we’ve got our eyes only the prize, ignoring all else.
Moving slower doesn’t mean one is less productive or less powerful. My dad is a lifelong weightlifter is a huge advocate of the super slow method, which he affirms again and again is actually much more challenging and much more potent and delivers more powerful quicker results then lifting a ton of reps or lifting a ton of weight. The same principle also reveals itself in the idea of simplicity. The more simple and clear our thoughts and actions are, the more powerful and potent we become as creators in our lives.
Conversely, the more complex and complicated we make things, the lower our energy drops, the lower our vibration and frequency drop, and everything becomes harder and less fulfilling.
Are we willing to give up our seeking and our longing? Or at the very least, to question it? Is that a sacrifice I’m willing to make? and if I condemn those actions of the founders of USA, how am I repeating those same patterns in my own work, relationships, life? what am I sacrificing for the “prize” of proving myself, making money, having “enough”?
It’s big. It’s so big. And this is where I breathe deep into my belly, and remember that slowing down is good medicine.
My deepest hearts desires are to be of service, to feel well utilized in this life, to feel aligned and walk with integrity and delight on the path of my life’s work and my mission.
I choose to focus on who I’m becoming, rather than what I’m achieving. I choose to remove my hands from around my eyes, and see an eagle’s eye view of the world, including my own potential (which includes a full recognition that I’ll never see the full breadth and depth of that landscape!). I choose to prioritize the ecosystem, rather than my own ego-system. I choose to wait for the pull, rather than push.
I’m learning about decolonization. There’s a LOT to learn, and there’s a lot for me to learn as this particular human vessel with these specific identity factors. And, it excites me! Truth, integrity, and the edge of my comfort zone excite me. Dismantling ambition excites me. I’m intentionally weaving this into my work and life in as many ways as I can.
