It’s Not About You
Can these hands and feet of mine bring good news? Can I get over the mountains of doubt and compounding lies of inadequacies?
“It’s Not About You” — Words of wisdom from my husband, that seem a bit harsh, but are so very freeing and life-giving.
From a little girl I have enjoyed singing songs to God. I remember sitting in my room with my “My First Sony” tape recorder, recording songs to Jesus. I’m so thankful that He stirred my heart to love Him at such a young age. Even as I got older, I would continue to escape to my room and spend time alone singing. It may have started with Patsy Cline and Mariah Carey, but usually ended on “Amazing Grace” or “The Lord’s Prayer”. I remember my Dad singing those two to me before bed. I had a general idea of what it meant to praise God and although at times, I just wanted to hear the sound of my own voice belting out Deana Carter, I am so thankful God planted a song in my heart.
Fast forward to a year or so ago, when the words “It’s not about you” burned through my soul.
When God put that song in my heart, He entrusted me with more. With more I found myself crumbling under the pressure over and over.
I was in my room, preparing to lead a song at church. I found myself stretched and nervous to sing the song before me. I was burdened with the fear of failure, the lies of unworthiness, and doubts in my abilities. “Who am I to lead others, what am I thinking? I’m not that good of a singer, I will make a fool of myself and mess up”… and on and on. In the midst of my spiraling, my husband walked in. Observing and listening to my heart, the Lord gave him these words. “Why are you so nervous?”, “It’s not about you.” Just like that, so simple. “It’s not about you.” It was so easy for him to see clearly through the mess I was stuck in. I tried to process this and finally surrendered my will to the Lord. It was then that I began to hear clearly the truths hidden in my heart. Remembering the promises God has spoken, I could hear Him saying to me… “It’s not about you, its not about what you can do, or what you can try to accomplish on your own. It’s not about who you will impress or who will approve. It’s not about man’s validation or man’s praise. Hear my truths and surrender your heart to My will. I am using you for My work and for the purposes I have prepared for you.”
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10
When I read Ephesians 2 I remember how much I am in need of God’s grace. There is no way to hide it. No way to hide my short comings, because they are real. I will fail. As it turns out, I will fail you and everyone around me at some point. I can’t win you over to God on my own and in my own strength or my own understanding. I am not capable of singing so well that your heart is moved to love God more or even for the first time. It’s not within my power to bend someones thinking with human sized talent. It’s not my job, my place, or within my abilities. The pressure I was feeling is not the pressure I should carry because, “It’s just not about me”.
The truth is that, although I am weak and fearful of man’s opinion, God has called me and His Spirit goes before me and leads me. His spirit will incline someone’s heart to Him. His truths will draw people in. “It’s Not About Me”, but Christ who is in me.
“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20
In the moment of giving up my will to do a great job before men, God brought me back to surrendering to His will. Back to the freedom found in releasing it to Him. Back to a place of belief and peace. Back to a place where He could deepened my faith and give me the confidence to peacefully walk through the pressure with Him.
My part is the surrender. My role is to turn back. God can handle the fear and will take captive the lies.
I pray that you would know great freedom when God puts a good work before you. That you would know He will be faithful to walk through it with you because “It’s not about you or me, but Christ who is in us”.
May there be peace in the surrender and joy in the good work.