Get Over It.
I don’t think that there is a phrase that I hate more in the English language than “get over it”.
“So your boyfriend of four years left you for another woman. He clearly wasn’t worth it. Get over it.”
“Your grandmother died over 2 years ago? That sucks but you have to get over it.”
Even when I am sitting down to watch some stupid sequel to a horror movie, that phrase still makes an appearance. “Hey so all your friends and family got brutally murdered by someone you know? Well, you’re still alive. Get over it.”
Here is what I hate about that phrase: the people who tell you to “get over it” clearly do not understand what it is like to hold onto something close to them. If you tell someone to “get over it” it is like you are telling someone who suffers with a mental illness that it is “all in their head”. As a matter of fact, “it’s all in your head” might as well be a synonym for “get over it” because it holds the same impact.
As someone who cannot go through a day without at least two anxiety attacks, I can tell you that “get over it” is a phrase that has no emotional value to it. For example: it can take a lot out of me to apply for jobs that I want. Getting to the interview process is amazing but, when I don’t get the job, I feel torn down. It is like my world is crashing before me because I now feel as though I actually cannot accomplish anything. So, for my roommate or even my mother to tell me to “get over it. Another job will come,” I cannot help but feel like they are only saying that to get the much needed support out of the way. (In case you wanted to know, much needed support is when one of your friends feel like crap and you cannot help but feel like you need to give them some words of comfort). That is what “get over it” is. It is a stereotypical comfort phrase to say to someone when you have nothing else to say in order for them to be happy.
What some people do not know is that by saying “get over it” to someone, you are adding to their emotional abuse. Everyone suffers from some form of emotional abuse, some more severe than others.
I am not perfect. I have told people to “get over it” without thinking about the consequences. The consequences being that I have no idea how it feels until it is told to me. When you feel guilty for something, no matter if you should or not, being told to “get over it” feels like a sharp pain to the stomach. You know you should “get over it” but, it is not that easy.
Getting over something is like the five stages of grief.
First there is denial. You cannot believe that whatever happened, happened.
Then there is anger. You cannot believe you said what you said.
After that you get bargaining. You will do anything to take back what happened.
Next up is depression. You hate the fact that everything happened and cannot live with yourself because of it.
Lastly there is acceptance. You finally have come to terms with everything. It does not matter if it was your fault or not, you can now finally breathe easy.
But, when someone tells you to “get over it”, it pushes the stages back and makes you feel much worse about everything. What would not have been your fault automatically becomes it because you are being told that it was not a big deal. To you it was a big deal. At least, that is what it is to me. You are already to into your head about it but, now it is worse.
Here is how I can simplify it: Have you ever had sex with someone that you really cared about? In the way that you two have been seeing each other for quite sometime and you decided that you really like that person so, you take the relationship to the next level. Only, when the sex is done and he leaves the next morning, he does not call you, message you or, even like any of your posts (women, in my opinion, would relate to this more). All of a sudden you realize that your entire relationship with that person was nothing more than them wanting to get physical. It’s a lengthened one night stand. You always think that you can change that person. Be the one who makes them not want to stay single. You were so sure of it. So, when the physical happens and they leave, you get into your head about everything. Was it you? Were you not good? It is never them. It is never their fault. Now you are crying, in your room, listening to Gavin DeGraw and have no idea what to do. Your roommate comes in and the only thing that they can say is: “That guy was a dick. He doesn’t deserve you. Just get over it.” You just let yourself open up to someone who you could really like, only to let your heart be ripped out after committing something as vulnerable as sex. Being told to “get over it” is like, going through the pain of him not calling you back again.
There should be something much better to say than just “get over it.”