How to Redesign Your Life…

Starting with the roles you play!

Ever felt stuck in the life you’re living and knew there had to be something better for you?

Did you participate in some form of service that gave you some sense of purpose and meaning only to feel it kinda slip away after leaving? Well you aren’t the only one. There are a lot of women like you!

Let me introduce you to such a woman. Meet Christine. She’s pretty awesome. See Christine looks like your average American woman. She’s 32, married, no kids, 2 dogs and she lives in Chicago, Ill. She has a degree in Business Administration and she is mid level in her career as an assistant project manager. She has a pretty basic life. Not too much or too little excitement. ‘Cept… Lately she’s been feeling unfulfilled.

What you didn’t know is that she’s also an 8yr Army veteran. She served her country for 8yrs on active duty and when she left the service she was OK. She finished school and actually found a decent job in this topsy turvy economy. But the humdrum of everyday started sucking the life out of her slowly but surely. She wasn’t connecting with people and she didn’t have any major aspirations. She was missing her purpose. She was missing that sense of mission. She knew that she wanted to make a difference but she isn’t sure where to start. She’d often daydream about helping people (vague) and make the world a better place (also vague) but she didn’t know how… and she was starting to get the point of the top of the vicious spiral… If she took one wrong step… wrong thought… wrong feeling… she might fall into the spiral that so few veterans come out of.

Now there are some things that Christine can do to get back to living her life with purpose and meaning. But it starts with her! She has the control of how she lives and designs her life. The first place she can to start is with the roles she is playing in her life. This just asking a series of deep questions and answering them honestly and wholeheartedly. Being truthful and willing to open up is important here. The rough tough exterior shell (a hard one to crack) isn’t necessary here. These questions may lead to feelings of vulnerability and rawness but that’s ok because that’s what we want! So I’d tell Christine “go somewhere private like a rooftop, backyard, park and answer these questions”.

A few of these questions that I’d want her to write about are:

“What roles do you play in life?”

When I answered this question myself I got really deep and something that I hadn’t thought about came up and I put “victim” but if you see me in everyday life I don’t seem to play the victim… actually the opposite… but it came up when I asked myself this question. It’s something that I’m presently working on myself. In this question Christine might have been avoiding the “Veteran” role as I did for a while due to the stigma and discrimination surrounding it. Topped that with a lot veterans being downers and quite negative sometimes it’s no wonder she doesn’t tell people. But in doing that she’s hiding an important part of herself.

Another question to ask is

“In order for you to feel in alignment with who you are, what do these roles need to look like?”

This is basically a question about how do you want to show up in this role. Are you “sister” or “good loving sister”? “Wife” or “loving compassionate wife”? When you determine how this role looks for you you’ll immediately start seeing where there needs to be a shift in your life and you’ll start making it. This question helped me become a better wife and sister. It’s awesome and not draining in the least. This question might help Christine accept her “Veteran” roles and be a positive light in the space.

The next question to ask is

“what’s the benefit of removing a role you don’t want to play anymore?”

Now there are roles you don’t want to play like “victim” and it’s totally in your power to stop playing this role. It requires putting your foot down and stopping the self talk in that situation.

The final question I’d ask is

“If there were a cute magic wand waved over this role and it disappeared who would you be?”

This is where the aspirations kick in without the limits in place and Christine would be able to be her true self in this situation. In this situation she’d see the woman she truly wants to be and not the woman she feels she has to be based on everyone else’s opinions of her. It’s free as hell for sure! I did this and this is how i knew for sure that I wanted to be a coach, speaker, business owner and more! This showed me I was on track in my purpose. Now in Christine’s case she’s not there yet but she will be when she goes through the rest of my boot camp! If you are interested in the boot camp don’t hesitate to ask one question to get started for free!… alright off that tangent lol

Christine is now on the path to rediscovering herself and her aspirations before she can start making a difference in the world the way she wants. After working through the roles she plays she’s now on to (re)discovering her passions and interests so that she can reconnect with herself on a deeper level. That way she’s getting close her “why”, her purpose and her meaning. I’ll tell ya this work isn’t for the faint! If you thought these questions I asked were deep don’t worry there’s more where that came from for sure! Christine will learn that everything she’s been through has been preparing her to live her purpose… the good… the bad… and the ugly. This will eventually be fuel to light her purpose fire.

Redesigning your life starting with the roles you play help you come to grips with positive and negative roles you play. Then the cool part happens… you get to choose to do what works for you and release what’s not working for you! This allows you to acknowledge all parts of you and decide for yourself. This give you back the control and ability to redesign your life the way you see fit!

Stay tuned for next week when we discuss how to stop letting others control how you feel in your own damn life! No more guilt trips (this was definitely helpful for me)! No more worries about what others think. This will return your power back to you and it’ll allow you to be unapologetically and authentically you! This is what will allow Christine to embrace her Veteran status fully without worry, doubt, fear, or shame. And allow her to pursue her dreams of making a difference in the world by helping others. We’ll get to how in a few weeks from now!

Are you playing the roles you want in life to the best of your ability? Let me know in the comments below! Can’t wait to hear from you!

Til next time,

With 💜

Brittany Marie

😉 Army Veteran 🇺🇸

Originally published at on July 12, 2017.