A female pygmy who dreams of mothering a BFG under Master Zodiac’s 5th sign may result in maternal death due to obviously painful ramifications. However, Persistence is her middle name. Simon said, “When the time is ripe, close your eyes, swallow the sharp ‘No’ and spit ‘Go Fish!’ instead” (when a mutable male pyg decides to mount her). Fish got his wish, but unfortunately she will not. Alternatively, she was given a crabby gift basket filled with special shampoo. The cards lied. Or did she read them wrong? Dang that Simon.

The real Daddy is not mutable at all, but in fact just the opposite. He does not walk like the rest of them either. Maybe it’s his disproportionately long cardinal color legs? Or maybe it’s all eight of ‘em that awkwardly get in the way… Who knows!? Wait. No. She will. It’s that particular shuffle he’s practiced his whole life that’s got her hot in the corner. Batter up! Send them home.

Here’s the kicker…he’s not even Spanish, yet has built-in castanets! Zing! Music to her ears! Finally a rhythm she can move to! Just the riddling mutant gene she didn’t know she’s been looking for— que fantastica! Be that as it may, Daddy only comes to shore once in a blue moon. Sounds like she should pull her pants down and bend over, maybe that will speed it up? Or bury herself in the sand and drink BM through a straw, maybe that lure will work? Hope not, that’s impostor beer! Only pale Indians aide her ailments these daze. Anywho… no short cuts, gotta touch ‘em all. Probably better off willing herself a giant. But what will the doctors say? Fingers crossed her name is Patient. After all, um, her mother’s name is Pat.

TBC