My Father Passed Away

My Dad had been getting worse over the months and I tried telling myself that this was life and that I would need to make it through this time in my life.

On August 1, 2015 my Mom was telling me about all the health related problems that my Dad was having and how he was being placed in Hospice.

“This is it, “ I thought. “This is how it happens.”

There are books out there and plenty of material on the internet for you to read up on death and dying. But it is hard to brace for the pile of bricks that hits you once the grief begins to set in.

Since my sister lives halfway across the country, we had to tell her that the time was coming. She came immediately and spent every second she could with him before he left.

I lived about an hour away from the hospital where he was at. I had to go back to work.

I held him as long as I could.

August 7, 2015

Sitting at work that morning, I got a text from my sister:

“The time is close. You better come if you want to see him before he goes.”

“Be right there.”

I get in the car and start driving 85 in a 65. People in other cars were probably wondering what was wrong with me with the way I was driving and sobbing. My whole body was shaking and ached.

“Dad — don’t go yet”

I reached the hospital and was able to see him. His eyes were closed all the time now. He no longer spoke. The hospice nurse told me that he could still hear me and I should talk to him.

“Dad — we love you so much.”

My Dad was 94 and he lived a long happy life. But that doesn’t make the pain any less. It hurt so bad.

It still hurts and its been 5 months now.

I stayed all day with my sister and just spent time with him. It was such valuable time that I will never forget that day. I got to tell my Dad goodbye.

I found out later on that my Dad had not eaten for most of the final week. Someone told me that is the first thing to go. I can’t imagine that. Not eating.

He might be in a better place now, but I’m not. It still hurts as much today as it did 4 months ago when he left.

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