Both franchises are from “wholesome” Middle America, where the good folks know the value of an honest day’s work and cheer on scrappy ballplayers who selflessly hit the ball the other way, just as Jesus intended America’s pastime to be played. Cardinals and Royals fans are the very same people, just born a few hundred miles apart. The only reason Cardinals fans are #BestFans and Royals fans are long-suffering, beloved “underdogs” is because the Cardinals have been consistently good while the Royals have sucked. It’s the only difference.

You don’t think Royals and their fans will be universally despised if they keep on winning for a few years, as they inevitably become self-important in the national spotlight? You diseased moron.

Don’t be a diseased moron. Root against the Royals.

Thanks for reading. I have to go take a shower now.

Go Royals!