I made the decision to be child-free
Having kids is not the be-all and end-all
There’s something to be said about having kids, especially from a woman’s perspective. It is a tremendous undertaking and requires everything you have physically, mentally, and financially. Your body takes (quite literally) a beating throughout the entire process and it costs around 200k to raise a child up until 18. It’s a responsibility not to be taken lightly. I didn’t make my decision lightly. Even though I’m 21 now, I know I won’t want kids in the future and there’s a lot of parts to play in this decision. I can hear my mother’s rebuttals now: “you’ll change your mind when you’re older.” And she might be right, but given the current state of our world we live in today, I don’t see that decision flipping anytime soon.
I am not alone in this decision either. Last year, 2018, had the lowest birth rate in 32 years, and we are having fewer children than it takes to replace the population.
Climate change is my biggest reason for not having kids. We have 15 months left before the effects of climate change become irreversible. I don’t want to bring new life into a world that is dying. The opportunities available now and those in the next 20 years will not be the same.
In ten years time when I would be at the age to start thinking about having kids, I would also have to consider my finances. Can I afford to give a child every opportunity for them to follow their dreams? Cost of living and even the cost of having a child is astronomical. Millennial’s owe on average $10,000 in college debt, and the balance between making money and trying to live is overflowing. Gen Z already owes and average of $4,000 and most of us can’t even drink yet! I will barely be able to make ends meet once I graduate and even when I move up the latter, it takes about $70,000 to live comfortably without kids where I want to live.
I also believe that with kids means giving up a certain kind of independence and I want to keep that, as well as my autonomy. I like to make choices and to live spontaneously, but if I had kids it would be one more thing to consider when looking at opportunities which I may have to turn down. I don’t want to shape my life for something I’m creating, and maybe that’s incredibly selfish but sometimes it’s okay to be selfish for yourself when making life choices. Whether I choose parenthood or not, it is a choice I have made for the life I have envisioned for myself.
I also want to mention that I love working with kids. I love making an impact on someone and teaching them the life lessons I wish I knew at their age. I don’t believe I’ll be missing out on that feeling by not having kids, because I get to partake in people’s lives, big or small, young or old, everyday. What’s more fulfilling than that?
I will not have regret down the road. The only regret I will have is living a life that was not full. Having kids will not give my life meaning, I will give my life meaning.
While I don’t want kids of my own, I feel this need to make an impact on other’s lives. If I can’t do that through my work, I would consider foster parenting or adoption. There’s an idea about individuals who don’t have kids that they don’t give back to their communities but that can’t be farther from the truth. I have met many adults who chose foster parenting, people that work for non-profits, and those that work as volunteers in many programs throughout their communities.
I know what society expects of me, but sorry not sorry, decisions as major as this one should not succumb to society. My decision is solely my own. I acknowledge that people change and evolve, but for now, my decision holds firm and if you feel the same way, you are not alone.
