What I Learned While Getting My Doctorate in Nutrition (That Has Nothing To Do With Food)
When I applied to my doctorate program, I thought that I’d learn a lot of new skills and new information on health and nutrition. I thought that getting my doctorate was about opening up endless opportunities for my career.
I thought, “The more I know about nutrition, I’ll be more valuable. I’ll be more respected. I’ll be more worthy.”
When I applied to my doctorate program, I felt small. Under-appreciated. I thought my doctorate would heal the parts of me that felt self-conscious. The parts of me that felt like I wasn’t enough. The parts of me that yearned for a bigger life. I thought that a piece of paper and a shiny title would hide the lack of self-worth that I felt.
When I started my doctorate program, I immersed myself in my work. “Sorry, I can’t, I’m busy,” I’d say, able to use it as an excuse to get out of almost anything.
I thought…
“When I get through this, everything will fall into place.”
“I’ll finally be happy.”
“I’ll finally make more money.”
I thought that becoming an expert in my field would give me everything that I ever wanted in life.
Until one day, about 8 months before graduation, I had a mini panic attack thinking about what schooling will I do next?
“Maybe I’ll go to Med School…”
“Maybe I’ll get an MBA…”
“Or am I finally just going to suck it up and start paying back my student loans?”
When I was in my doctorate program, I thought the value was in the what that I learned. The gut microbiome. How to support XYZ condition. Finally understanding the complement cascade. Conducting a research study. And more applications to my school’s Institutional Review Board (IRB) than I can even count.
But ultimately I discovered that the real value was what I learned when I thought I wasn’t learning.
At first, I thought about all of the skills that I learned in how to think critically, how to think in a science-based field. I learned how to be a better clinician. I learned how to better connect the dots of the human body. I learned how to become a researcher. I grew to become super nerdy about vegetables and learned how to use them very explicitly to impact different health concerns and specific body systems.
But, what I finally realized was that I learned the most about one subject. A subject I thought I had already mastered….
I learned the most about myself.
I learned that the lack of self-worth that I felt, the lack of value that I felt, and the low self-esteem that I had not even really recognized that I had, pushed me to this place.
And for that, I am grateful.
I learned that a fancy title on your name doesn’t make you a good person. It doesn’t mean that you’re promised success. And it sure as hell doesn’t heal your insides that feel undervalued.
And for realizing this, I am grateful.
I learned that you can work hard, but until you work hard on yourself, become honest with yourself, and do the internal learning….that it won’t matter your title. It won’t matter the size of your paycheck. It won’t matter where you work, where you’ve been published, or what flashy car you drive.
Because our success already exists inside of us. Our happiness exists inside. When we look outside of ourselves, we only end up more disappointed, in ourselves and our “lack” of accomplishments, and are let down by others.
But when we tune in, and focus on all of the good inside of us, we realize how big of an impact we can have on this great big world around us. Not only by practicing our craft and sharing our knowledge of our particular skills with the world.
But by inspiring those around us.
Thinking back, as scary as it was to sign myself up for three more years of school, it was scarier to stay small. And for realizing this, I am endlessly grateful.
It takes guts to grow. It takes putting yourself out there and taking a big ol’ risk. It takes a lot of investment of time and money. It takes hard work, many sacrifices, long hours, late nights, long weekends. Tears will flow. You will feel pain. You’ll get pissed off. You’ll hate your colleagues and your professors, at times. You’ll think to yourself “Why would I willingly put myself through this?”
…And then, you’ll graduate.
You’ll walk across the stage at commencement, hug your professors, cry with your colleagues, wear a silly hat, and hear your name announced with “Doctor” attached to it — and all of the pain, the blood, the sweat and the tears all become worth it. So freakin’ worth it. It becomes the greatest decision you’ve ever made. You realize that, somehow, when you made the decision to start, that you knew the end would feel like sunshine. You had faith.
And that goes for most of the hard stuff in life, right?
The bigger the risk, the more scary something is… the more rewarding it becomes in the end.
So I’m here to tell you…If there’s a big scary thing out there that keeps tugging at you, go do it. Take the risk. Make the leap towards something bigger. It will be unlikely that you’ll regret making the decision, but you might regret never taking the chance.
