The Rock Test: A Hack for Men Who Don’t Want To Be Accused of Sexual Harassment
Anne Victoria Clark

I put your life hack to use. Within a week, incidents of sexual harassment skyrocketed by 200%. And that was just the female-on-male abuse.

That’s right! I’m so post-feminist, I figured business advice for men should work just as well for me, too.

No no. JK, ijs next time please just say “picture your grandmother.” The struggle is real. And the Rock is hot. On the plus side, thank you for being equal opportunity with the eye candy. And, actually, all jokes aside, the pictures serve an excellent purpose.

Seeing everyday, normal, and of course lovely, female office workers let me see things through a man’s eyes. Surprisingly, I understand their position a little better. As a bisexual person, I honestly get it. The warm smiles do scramble the brain for a split second. Still, I am a person before I am sexual (just barely, but yes) and I feel sorry for men who in fact reduce their own selves to such a narrow, sex-based identity. Although it doesn’t reduce or excuse the harm to women, it bears mentioning that when you debase others, you debase yourself, truly. Lesbian sexual harassment likely won’t become an epidemic, for example. Do I need to explain why not? Or why a dissenter could point to female prisons as an exception, and why that would fail to disprove my point?**

But again, explaining such a simple concept seems redundant. Men, with their better-than-female, logical brains (*sarcasm), should be able to make the intellectual leap without falling into a chasm of lust and confusion. I respect men too much to believe that. If I can imagine a female as a sister or blood relative, or any small mental trick that allows one to humanize rather than sexualize another person, so can he.

Lmao at “uh oh, she’s pretty … in the face even!” Hilarious from start to finish, including the over-the-top Rock imagery. So so funny, thanks!

**I’m the first one to play devil’s advocate, and I can imagine the knee-jerk objections to such a blanket statement about lesbian behavior, but seriously. Generally speaking, the idea sticks. Plus my claim holds true literally, if for no other reason than such a minority population doesn’t have the numbers to create anything resembling an epidemic. Even if 100% of the population were female, the Amazon civilization introduced to us by Wonder Woman demonstrates the higher order of law-abiding, civil intercourse* created as a result of estrogen. Devil’s advocate: Estrogen as a superior, peace-promoting hormone? Really? Even without taking into account PMS and menopause, I give you RuPaul’s drag queen reality show. *sigh. Takeaway: fictional examples don’t count. And hormonal imbalances aside, women create a human life and push it out their love canal. End of story. Men murder. One word: genocide. Maybe if they realized the amount of pain and sacrificial love that went into creating life we wouldn’t have so much death due to violence, ijs. Push a baby out your penis one time, I promise it will change your stance on war. I don’t get it. If we teach children to use their words then we know world leaders who use bombs to make a point need a serious time out. Helps explain the insane outcomes we witness like terrorism or Vegas. For real, I think we need to get our values straightened out and in line with our actions collectively and individually or we will continue to suffer from the results of massive cognitive dissonance.

*discourse, or interaction. Pardon my Freudian slip. Also, as long as I’m at it, my off-topic rant there. ^_^.

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