Mark Manson wrote something related to this that stuck with me. I’ll see if I can find it.
But he said it’s an important part of emotional maturity to identify feelings AND separate from them. His example made me laugh, “I don’t hate my ex-girlfriend, I feel hatred toward her.” So enlightened I know. But it means he is able to know himself not as a hateful person, or a hater, to make it a noun, but rather just a person who temporarily (hopefully) feels hate. As I practice it I realize it really is a vital distinction. Labels are so limiting, and like it says above, disempowering.
I like being able to say and know I’m not a disfunctional or neglected survivor, but a person who was exposed to disfunction and neglect (admittedly at an impressionable young age around people who had a lot of influence) who survived and feels gratitude. I adapted and was blessed with surrogate family of choice who provided love and acceptance. Same time I guess it goes both ways: I can’t claim I’m a grateful person. When I remember, I give thanks. I’m definitely not a happy person, though I find I have been gifted with faith and as a foundation for my soul I have contentment and peace that runs deep like still waters. (Pardon the poetry there; I think I just paraphrased a church song anyway.)
Tbh even that foundation has been utterly shattered by a relatively brief severe depression years ago. It’s cool though to not be a slave to my emotions. And also to be aware of the power of choice when it comes to thoughts and attitudes.
But we especially need more exposure to emotional intelligence with early education imo.
I digress. That’s a topic for another day.
I appreciate this piece though, it is on point.