The feeling of an ending…
It’s strange how, after you put all of you effort and hard work and hope into a project and it all goes well, after just one year of looking back somewhat unattached, it feels all so bitter-sweet and…sad.
I’m thinking that this is how parents must feel like after seeing their children growing up and not needing them as much. It’s all about attachement, isn’t it?!
So, my 2015 was….amazing! I got involved and started in a project that I knew not much about, with people that were very different from me and all that I’ve ever met and with a manager that is a workaholic-obsesive-compulsive-detail-oriented and so very annoying at times.
I got to test my limits in endurance (hellish working hours), psychological resistance (every second of observing and working towards fixing or improving), learning new concepts, accepting cultural differences (big ones concerning how we see life, work and the world), morality and my personal system of belief, plus the very hard thing (for me) of just accepting some things as they are and doing what you are told without fully understanding why! The last one has been a big lesson for me because it required me to fully trust another persons' decision and to just do it. It required me to accept that I might not understand and know everything in a certain area. It was a lesson in humility and, though for many of you it might seem normal, for me it was an eye-opener.
I’ve learned that I can indeed endure a lot and work efficienly and have great results and still be able to smile and have a good time. It showed me that I can actually be a good leader, but first I need to work like a slave and do EVERYTHING! Yes, you need to start from the very bottom so that you know what to do when you reach the top.
So, I should be happy, right?? Well, I am! I’m grateful for this experience even though almost every day I wanted to quit.
We made it! Our first year is over and we’ve lost some very good people along the way. Without them we wouldn’t have been able to do it! And I’m so grateful to them, even though they chose another path. And I’m so grateful for the ones who decided to stay; they worked hard every day and never faltered in the belief that we’re doing something good. And I’m also very much grateful to the one that started this project and put everything in it: his time, his money, his hopes…and he’s still doing it!
I’m grateful that he saw the potential in me and that he didn’t give up on me even when I was almost ready to give up on him. It’s hard to find people like that…so, it seems that I’m the lucky one!
So why does it feel like my work there is done?! They can do a good job without me, they’ve grown a lot and are good at what they do! I’m so proud of them and of the results of this project. So why do I feel so heartbroken now that our first year has ended?!
Maybe it’s a sign that I either need to move on, or that there is more to come with this project and I will still hsve more challenges on tbe way.
I don’t know but, looking back, everyting is all so…bitter-sweet.