Following Your Desires
A game changing, and sometimes challenging, form of honoring self is acknowledging, expressing, and taking action on your desires.
Desire : a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen
As humans, we are constantly following and dismissing our desires. I’ve asked tons of people what their highest desire is and more times than none I’ve found most people easily access what they don’t want instead of what they do want. One of my many missions is to empower people to follow their hearts desire and live passionately in the direction of their dreams.
I actively practice naming desire. Sometimes people will disagree and many times I find myself surprised by the simple acknowledgment of my needs wanting to be expressed, even when they are not fulfilled or uncomfortable to state. Giving myself permission to feel my wants has been a complete game changer. In following my desire, I wanted to offer a few steps in service of those unspoken desires begging to be seen, heard, and spoken.
Step #1 : Acknowledgment
What is your highest desire?
Take some time to list some of your highest desires.
What is it like to notice that you are full of wants, needs, desires that are craving to be expressed? Perhaps this is an uncomfortable practice, try to be with the feelings that come up as you begin to see that desire is present. Give yourself permission to have wants. I remember when I was encouraged to see my wants and desires. The word desire in itself made me uncomfortable. I cringed and was squirmy as I noticed feels of intimacy and sexuality crossed my mind when I said the word. In comparison, being with my wants was easy and had no charge at all. I was happy to name things I wanted in life, desire felt too risky and shameful. Over time, desire has become my absolute favor thing to acknowledge. Try it on. What is present for you in being with what you want, what you desire? Get crazy with it if you so choose.
Depending on the circumstances, owning our highest excitement may or may not be a walk in the park. I find that in every moment there is an action I feel more called to taking. Whether it’s as simple as sleeping five more minutes or driving instead of taking the train, humans are always making choices in the face of constant change. Depending on the magnitude of my desire, simply acknowledging that I want something may be enough. The reminder that my needs matter, whether or not I express them can be powerful in itself.
Step #2 : Courageous Expression
Oh my gosh, I want something. I desire having this thing, person, situation. What’s that like? How is it to hold this desire instead? Can I name it? What might happen if I name it? This is a choice point. Not all desires need to be named, and they still matter.
Courageous expression is using your voice to take the thoughts in your head out into the world. The power of the practice is to be unattached to having your needs fulfilled. Not everyone will agree with your wants, you’ll likely be faced with the complete spectrum of responses, and the more you can hold acceptance for any response the easier expressing desire will become. You might even be surprised by how many people are a ‘yes’ to your desires being met. Allow life to unfold while you own what your highest desire is. Self expression is, in my opinion, the most powerful form of honoring self and truth.
This step is where my mind could run at a thousand miles per hour wondering how owning my desire might impact my environment and the people within it. Flexing the desire muscle and building the courage to say what you truly want will have a variant degree of impact. Perhaps what you want is congruent with the environment you’ve found yourself in, and the edge is where your desire might make waves instead of tiny ripples in the waters.
Take a deep breath. Speak your desires. Be unattached. Let life unfold.
Step #3 : Bold Action
You’ve spoke your wants. What was that like? Now what?
You were met with a ‘yes’ — Great!
If this was what you were expecting then go after what you wanted. If this was not what you were expecting, you might still be shocked that your needs were willing to be met. Take a deep breath, you don’t have to do anything, give yourself permission to change your mind if you want to. This could have been easy peasy and you can check it off the list, and perhaps sitting in the glory of your accomplishment might require taking some space. Regardless of where you are, notice your process.
You were met with a ‘no’ — Great!
You courageously spoke a desire and it impacted the environment. Someone or something was a ‘no’ and that’s it. When I was first given a ‘no’ I made it mean that my needs didn’t matter, which was incorrect. My needs mattered and the situation was not a place where they would be fulfilled. That’s all that happened. If I make someone else’s response mean that ‘I’m not enough’ or ‘worthy’ then that is my own misinterpretation. Holding space for others to have access to their wants and needs will create balance and understanding in your relationships. Again, notice your process.
Remember, this is a practice. If you have any questions or want to talk more about this way of being, I’m here for you! The magic touch is letting go of your expectations, accepting what is, and owning your truth. I’m all about finding your ‘yes’ and ‘no’, radical self acceptance, and full self expression. These are just a few of the many complexities in the realm of desire. I’m sure you have lots of opinions and experiences. Feel free to add, edit, and integrate however you wish. Trust your process and share what’s true for you. Your contribution is a gift.