Perspective Party 2020
Dear Humans of America,
I am hereby formally announcing my intention to run for President of whatever’s left of the United States of America in four years.
I’ll be eating my oatmeal, doing situps and pushups and jogging every day just like I did in US Coast Guard boot camp thirty years ago, in order to be in peak physical and mental condition for the most difficult and demanding job on earth.
I will be neither Democrat nor Republican nor Libertarian. I represent the Perspective Party. The party of vision.
I will surround myself with staff and advisers smarter and better educated than I am. They will hire assistants smarter and better educated than themselves.
My cabinet, advisers, and White House staff will be at least 50% female.
I will make art every day, and encourage all Americans to do the same.
I will prioritize protection for the most vulnerable.
I will promote sharing and kindness.
I will refuse to accept bullshit from any quarter.
I will eliminate corporate welfare, and use those funds to build NASA into a 21st century space exploration agency.
I will defund the militarization of police departments.
Black Lives WILL Matter.
The current education budget will be given to the military.
The current military budget will be sent to schools.
The scientific method will be cherished.
The arts will be cherished.
The drug war will end.
Native tribes will be given everything they were ever promised in the treaties we signed.
I will refuse to profit from my position in any way, and will accept only the same pay as the lowest-paid government employee.
I will prosecute Donald J. Trump and his cadre for their crimes against humanity.
I will work to rebuild America’s reputation in the eyes of the world, and make amends for our many sins.
I will reject religion and superstition entirely, while protecting the rights of others to believe whatever nonsense they choose.
I will adopt all of Bernie Sanders 2016 platform, and consult with him as much as possible. He will be the Obi Wan to my Luke.
I WILL NOT SHAVE MY BEARD.
Over the next four difficult years I hope to earn your trust and your support. I know this is a long shot, but so is any Presidential campaign.
I trust that love and decency will prevail over hatred and division.
Perspective Party 2020