Since precisely nobody has ever asked me my opinion on What’s Wrong with Superhero Stories These Days, here it is:

TOO FUCKING MUCH.

It’s all too fucking much.

What makes a superhero interesting is LIMITS.

There’s the regular world chugging along, and then BAM, radioactive spider! Green magic ring! Gamma rays!

All of a sudden novelty has been introduced to normalcy, and the story is about the friction generated.

Sure Peter Parker is swinging around town webbing up the baddies, but he has school in the morning!

Sure Superman has X Ray vision, but that isn’t helping him much with Lois Lane.

There are LIMITS.

The stories are small.

For all the BAM! and POW! and ZANG! flashy stuff there’s a human core. You care about the characters because you can relate to them in some way.

Now let’s look at the X men or Avengers movies.

Actually, let’s not!

I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE TO LOOK.

There are hundreds of superheroes! All with different powers and abilities! FLASH! ZAP!! WHIZZZZ!!!!

What can that guy do??

How about that girl??

Oh and there’s a really small guy NO I MEAN REALLY BIG GUY oh now he’s small again and who gives a shit?

None of them are special because they ALL ARE.

It’s like a cake is great.

A cake with icing is also great.

Cake with icing, jellybeans, chocolate syrup, sprinkles, candy corn, gumdrops, fruit leather swirls, potato stix, ginger slices, and hard boiled eggs?

Ugh.

I find myself hoping for a new X man to show up with the ability to make time stop forever.

He can only use it once, and accidentally does.

The End.