I’d say the key problem is that only few people can hold, ie. confidently be in the presence of, someone else’s true emotions. In particular fear.

Many people are not aware of their emotions, or they try to avoid them. The chance of meeting someone who is ready to step up into vulnerability in a bar etc is pretty slim.

I have limited my dating radius to people who have done their inner work and who have a reasonable level of consciousness.

Now, lo and behold, what you describe actually happens to me more often than not. It’s great.

Good luck to you, I hope you’ll be looking in the right places. And find what you want.