I perfected cryogenic stasis

In 2008, I froze a Democratic strategist with a gluten intolerance. Today, I woke him from his slumber.

“What year is it? Did the wave election I helped orchestrate guarantee a generation of Democratic dominance? Did Domino’s start offering a gluten-free crust?

I told him that Texas went from a 15.8 percent margin for the Republican in the last election to just 9.2 percent. Likewise, Arizona went from R+9 to R+4.

I told him that Arizona also approved a minimum wage increase to $12 an hour by 2020, with paid time off. And, three other states passed increases: Maine and Colorado, also to $12, and Washington, where the wage will rise $13.50 by 2020. Everywhere it was on the ballot, minimum wage was either increased, or protected from cuts, like in South Dakota.

I told him that 66.2 million Americans now live in states with legal recreational marijuana, thanks to the success of measures in California, Massachusetts and Nevada. In Arkansas, Florida and North Dakota, voters approved medicinal marijuana, and the program was expanded in Montana, also by referendum.

I told him that voters in three out of four states where it was up for a vote approved stricter gun control measures. I told him all this, and he was very enthusiastic.

“This is great! That margin in Arizona and Texas means that the Dem won this year right? Knowing from data science, a five-to-six point swing in red states must mean that we’re doing very well nationally.

“A spread like that means the House and Senate are safe for another cycle, right? And that we’re making inroads with the state legislatures?

“Also, higher wages and legal weed, huh? That must mean our national platform is really in tune with the voters, who want decriminalization and a higher standard of living.”


I brushed the ice crystals from his shoulder. I told him that Hillary Rodham Clinton had lost the presidency to a man he would remember from the hit NBC show, The Apprentice.

I told him that voters in the rust belt fled the coalition he worked so hard to build, after eight years of stagnation, labor force contraction, and draconian neoliberalism.


I told him that his president’s healthcare reform produced unhappy consumers and offered paltry care for the price. And that Secretary Clinton’s opponent was able to run against it, successfully, by simply saying it is bad.

I told him that not only did the Democrats fail to take the Senate back in a year with a great opportunity to do so, but they lost in spectacular fashion nationwide, that the GOP needed just one more state legislature to amend the constitution at-will.

I told him that the opposition had turned “I’m with her” into “I’m with you.” I told him that voters were suppressed, disillusioned, and disenchanted with national media. I told him our leaders were absent, our people are suffering, and the darkest days lie ahead.

He asked to be put back in the tube.