The Most Ridiculous 7 Seconds of Advertising from 2015 (aka, The Curious Case of Kevin Nealon’s Putt)

Every time I see this commercial, this one moment drives me crazy. It’s only seven seconds long, but oh, the horror.

Here’s the video. It’s the section from 3:15 to 3:22 that I’m talking about.

Wait, what just happened there?

10 Thoughts on The Most Ridiculous 7 Seconds in Advertising from 2015

  1. Why does he hit the putt and immediately walk away and hand his putter to Brian Vickers? Is he trying to pretend like he is an awesome putter and he doesn’t need to watch the ball go in the hole? Because it doesn’t. The pace is okay, but it’s clearly on the wrong line. You did not hit a great putt.
  2. Or maybe the joke is that he thinks he is good, but he’s actually terrible? If so, that doesn’t work either. It’s not a great putt, but it’s not awful, either. He’s gonna leave himself with a three or four footer, probably. Of all the putts to show, why this one? It’s not great and not terrible. It’s a mediocre putt. It is the least television-worthy putt in the history of putts and yet it made the final cut of this ad.
  3. He doesn’t even look at the hole after he hits it. Seriously watch it again. The second he hits the ball he picks his head up and looks in the other direction. Is that part of the joke too? If so, I don’t get it. No golfer would ever do that, even if they thought they hit a perfect putt. You always look up to see how the putt is tracking. Frankly, it’s almost impossible NOT to watch your putt. And again, if he had hit a PERFECT putt and didn’t even watch it as it sped towards the hole, then okay, I get that. He’s so good he doesn’t even watch his putts. But this thing ain’t going in.
  4. Why hand your putter to another guy five seconds after hitting a mediocre putt? Nobody does that. It’s not funny. Do you need to tie your shoes? Are you done golfing for the day? Are you gifting him your putter because you just realized you don’t know how to putt? Are you pretending like he’s your caddy? Is that the joke, because booo if it is. Wait, do you have to pee because of Xarelto? Maybe that’s it.

5. Why are Brian and Arnie just standing there on the side watching him putt? Shouldn’t they be worried about their own putts? Kevin is barely on the green, so chances are they are closer to the hole and haven’t putted yet. Maybe if you guys had been lining up your own putts you wouldn’t have been in the position to enable Kevin to pull this move.

6. Why is Arnie smiling like a creeper as Kevin walks away? He should be livid because of the stunt Kevin just pulled. Arnie is 85, he doesn’t have time for this nonsense. He would probably already be playing golf in heaven if it wasn’t for Xarelto, and yet he’s here on earth dealing with this tomfoolery? Brian is smiling too. It doesn’t make any sense. Are they high on Xarelto? They must be high on Xarelto.

7. What happens next? Does Kevin start laughing and come back to get his putter and finish the hole like a decent human? Does he stick with the joke and walk to the parking lot? Does he just keep walking for the rest of his life until he hits a body of water and drowns because Xarelto makes you an insane person? Let’s hope he turns around and comes back to hit his putt because you are golfing and that’s what you do when you golf. You hold onto your own clubs and finish all the holes.

8. Stop the video at 3:15 when he’s pulling his putter out of his bag. Notice anything? Pretty sure I count at least 15, maybe 16 clubs in his bag. Um, hello? You’re only allowed 14 clubs in your bag, comedian. Arnie should know this since he’s one of the all-time greats, but I guess he’s okay with cheating? To me this calls into question all seven of his Major Championship wins. Was he roided up when he won the Masters in 1958? Was he drinking Arnold Palmers with a splash of HGH when he won back to back British Opens in ’61 and ‘62? Maybe he was doping with Xarelto back in 1960 when he won his only U.S. Open? Anything is in play now that we have this video evidence of his blatant rules negligence.

9. Is this all being done to distract us from the fact that Xarelto can lead to fatal bleeding, unusual bruising, or tingling? And why is tingling in the same sentence as unexpected bleeding? Isn’t tingling a good thing? You promise me tingling and you’ve got my attention. As for the unexpected bleeding, I’ve got to say that of all the words to put in front of ‘bleeding,’ few are worse than ‘unexpected.’ We have no idea where Xarelto is going to make you bleed from, and now we know we also have no idea when Xarelto is going to make you bleed. Maybe that’s why Nealon runs off the green the second he hits that putt. Maybe it was the unexpected bleeding.

10. Okay fine, I admit it. I’m just jealous that they’re golfing and I’m not.

Bryan Allain is an amateur humorist, an occasional podcaster, and a lifelong mammal. He writes things and helps other authors boost the things they write. He loves the NFL and misses LOST. LOST was great, don’t even get him started.

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