Dealing with Rejection
I’ve been sad the last couple days because I got rejected.
This shit sucks. Especially if it’s your fault. It is very hard to accept the fact that you messed up and you are the reason why you will not being someone again.
The girl I approached at the gym rejected me. I was trying to hard while texting her. I said something outlandish trying to get her to laugh and it back fired. I said something about her having a penis (yea I’m an idiot).
In my defense, the outlandish comment is actually something I would say, but context has to be taken into consideration based off where the current state of the interaction and the form of communication. I rejected context and got rejected because of it.
If I would have made the statement in person, or if she knew my humor better, it probably would have been gone better. If not, I could have recovered. But, with text, she can just not reply and that ends the interaction.
How to deal with rejection
This is not the first time I have been rejected. I have been doing “pick-up” for a while and rejection is part of the process. I’m goint to tell you how I deal with rejection and I hope it helps you.
You have to accept the fact you got rejected. There is nothing you can do about it. Dwelling on it is not going to help you.
You also have to accept the fact the person is gone for good. This may sound cruel, but you have to believe that person is dead to you.
Be aware of how you are feeling, breathe into that pain, and relax.
This is how you “let go”. You accept what you are experiencing in the present moment and let it run its course without escaping or suppressing it. Avoidance of feeling your feelings, keeps them bottled within you.
After consistently letting go of the pain, it will disappear. The pain has had its say and now you can move on.
The pain will not be easy to deal with depending on the emotional investment in the relationship. If you were with the person for years, the pain will take longer to let go of.
Comfort yourself during the process. Tell yourself, “It will be alright. You will find another girl/guy.” Self-compassion is one of the most important concepts you can learn in your life. Please read the article, it will help you a lot!
If you are the reason why you got rejected, you have to take responsibility for it. I used to really struggle with this because I didn’t want to feel bad about myself. I didn’t want to be imperfect.
I wouldn’t even be aware of what I did that got me rejected because I didn't want to be aware of the fact I made a mistake. Once I did take responsibility, I learned from my mistake. The mistake I made with this girl, is honestly a mistake I have made before.
It is a sticking point of mine. I have gotten better with it, but I’m not perfect. Like any other habit, it take times to get rid of it.
View your Actions from His/Her Perspective
This will help you realize the mistake you made. View the interaction or relationship objectively.
Our thoughts and emotions cloud our perspective of what has happened. We often do this out of habit or in avoidance of feeling guilty. We do not like to admit when we are wrong becasue we believe this will affect how highy we feel about ourselves.
Put yourself in the other persons shoes. View your actions from his/her perspective. Ask yourself, “How might have she/he taken what I said or did? How might she/he view what I did?”
When I did this, I realized my outlandish commnet might have caused her to think, “What the fuck?!” Honestly, when I put myself in her shoes while reading the text I sent her, I would have said wtf as well. Man I’m an idiot, but I’m actually laughing about it now.
There is Always Someone Else
You have to truly believe you will find someone else. In fact, you have to believe you will find someone better! Or at least, someone different, that will make you feel similar feelings.
In my case, I did not know her personally, so I just have to believe I will find someone more attractive, which I will. There is always someone more attractive. There is always someone better.
Get on Top of Another
“To get over one, you have to get under another”
We’ve all heard this quote before and it is true. Focus your energy on finding another person. This will also help you get over the pain of the rejection because what you focus on becomes reality.
Warning! Do not try and find another person in an attempt to feel better about the rejection. This is escapism in disguise. You will also get rejected again because will come off needy and the cycle will continue.
You need to accept the fact you have to go out to find another person. You have to accept the fact you have to start all over. This was my biggest problem when I first started approaching girls.
I would be nervous as fuck, approach a girl, it go well, and I will just want it to work out with that girl so I did not have to go out and experience the fear again.
Accept the fact you may get rejected again. If you do, you will now have this post to come back to :)