Journal of an Appalachian Trail Thru-Hiker

Note: around New Year’s, 2015, I decided to attempt a “thru-hike” of the Appalachian Trail (AT), meaning I’d hike the 2,189.2-mile footpath from Georgia to Maine in under a year (most successful thru-hikes last about six months, give or take a month or two). The following journal chronicles my journey.

From the beginning I wanted it to be not only a hiking adventure, but a spiritual and theological one. I decided to bring along St. Thomas Aquinas’ Summa Theologiae (one volume at a time) and to do my best to make it to Mass on Sundays and Holy Days. What follows is the bulk of what I wrote in the three small notebooks I filled during my hike. I’ve omitted certain passages I judged either too personal or too boring to include here. Most of the names — both trail and non-trail names — are real, but I’ve used fake names when I thought it appropriate to do so.

Terminology (in case you come across unfamiliar hiking terms I fail to define in brackets). For an example of trail-speak in concentrated form, see Appendix.

“It begins on a Greyhound. There seems to be no way of confirming I’ve gotten on the right bus…”

TEXAS

1/31/15

Practice hike in Dinosaur Valley [a state park about two hours from Dallas, where I live].

Today I:

- got lost trying to find my campsite. It’s the kind you have to hike to, and an immediate wrong turn left me confused and hiking for hours before I finally got to the site.

- mistook a clearing for a trail and kept trying to get through it despite a 4-ft. jump and a dangerous incline. I ended up stumbling on the way back, tripping over thorns and bending an expensive trekking pole.

- realized, when finally at the camp site, that I’d lost the rain jacket that had been attached to the outside of my pack. So I had to retrace the path (or non-path) that I’d wandered earlier. This took another couple of hours, but thank God and St. Anthony, I found the jacket among some boulders by the river.

- spilled a pot of boiling water near my lap while preparing dinner. (But that shepherd’s pie was good!)

- made up some probably defective knots for my bear bag.

Despite all the mishaps, I’ve had fun. I’m grateful it hasn’t rained. Time to read Copleston on Aquinas.

2/7

It begins on a Greyhound. There seems to be no way of confirming I’ve gotten on the right bus aside from asking around. Mass earlier this evening at St. Catherine’s in Carrollton. Jesus going to a deserted place to pray.

“He was texting while driving such that he drifted between lanes for five seconds at a time and twice almost brought me to the point of panic.”

GEORGIA

2/8

Hiker Hostel.

How I expected my first conversation with the hostel owner to go:

“Welcome! Are you excited for the adventure of your life?”

“Yes!”

“Best six months you will ever have. Now here are some suggestions…”

But in reality he was a Debbie Downer. No welcoming spirit, no enthusiasm. I was the one asking questions and trying to keep a conversation going. He was texting while driving such that he drifted between lanes for five seconds at a time and twice almost brought me to the point of panic. When he did talk, he imparted such lovely encouragements as:

- It’s too cold to hike; better to start in April.

- The hike doesn’t really change you; afterwards, you pretty much fall back into life as normal.

- Almost no one receives any kind of “epiphany” during the hike.

- Etc.

Dude, if you’re in the business of hosting nervous excited people who have set aside six months of their lives for this hike — who have been preparing, buying gear, testing gear, dreaming of the trail — you should consider not taking a dump on everything.

But Frank is nice — a fellow hostel-goer. From PA. Trail name: LTD (Living the Dream). He’s wanted to hike the AT [Appalachian Trail] since college, or maybe even high school. Looks about 50 or 55.

Approach Trail tomorrow! [That’s the 8.8-mile trail leading up to Springer Mountain, the official southern terminus of the AT.]

2/9

Derrick & Shannon [employees of the hostel] gave that welcome I was looking for. Great breakfast. Beautiful hostel.

IT BEGINS.

I write from Spring Mountain Shelter, which I have to myself for the night. The register here (or logbook) keeps mentioning mice — God help me.

“Just as I was wondering today, ‘Why do hikers complain about rain?’ I slipped on some mud and very nearly bit it.”

Derrick of Hiker Hostel totally made up for the owner’s … lack of warmth. He drove me and Frank (LTD) to our starting points (a mile north of Springer Mountain for Frank, the Approach Trail at Amicalola Falls for me), and en route he encouraged us, gave advice, said the hike changed his life, said we’d have a blast, etc. That’s more like it.

8.8 “strenuous” miles today. Went well. Beautiful waterfall. Foggy day & wet; rained for a while and is raining now. Trees tall, thin, bare, a path of dirt & clay & roots & rocks.

Wrote in the logbook on the summit: “‘Grace perfects nature.’ –The Dumb Ox.” [The Dumb Ox was the nickname of St. Thomas Aquinas.] Wrote another Aquinas quote in this shelter’s logbook.

Read the first 16 pages of the Summa Theologiae. Hung bags on bear cables for the first time — had to figure out how in the dark. If this headlamp ever goes out while I’m away from my shelter I’ll be in trouble.

Just as I was wondering today, “Why do hikers complain about rain?” I slipped on some mud and very nearly bit it.

14 states in 14 lines — the AT was made for the sonnet form.

It’s 10 p.m. & time to sleep. I’m going for 16 mi. tomorrow but we’ll see.

2/10

Hardly any sleep thanks to the terrifying sounds of MICE! Got cold; frosty morning.

First day on the actual AT kicked my butt. It didn’t have to. The first 8 mi. went well & I could (should) have stayed put when I reached a shelter about 2:15. Ate lunch there (met Justin & his dog Night Owl) and thought about whether to go for the next camp site (also the next water source) 6.3 mi. up the trail. Justin & I both had the sense that sundown would be 5:30 or 6:00, which gave me about 3 hours to do 6.3 miles.

But they were hard, long miles, up & down at steep inclines & declines, and pretty soon I started to doubt I’d make it to the camp site. I started looking for a spot to camp & nearly stopped at the top of Sassafras Mtn. Thankfully I decided to come down the mountain and found a better spot by a road (Cooper Gap). There’s a campfire spot here, so I figure I’m not out of my mind to camp here — though it’s relentlessly windy.

So I’m between Plan A (Gooch Mtn. Shelter at 15.8 mi.) and Plan B (Hawk Mtn. Shelter at 8.1). I’m at 12.3 mi. And what a 12.3 it was. All this trouble might’ve been averted if the mice had let me sleep and I’d gotten an earlier start.

Tomorrow — depending on how early I get going — I think I’ll hike either 5 or 10 mi. and then hitchhike to Suches, GA, which has a hostel. The following day I could hike to Woods Hole Shelter or Neel Gap, which latter also has a hostel.

Given my late start (10:30 — packing up took forever with the frost), I hiked 12.3 mi. in 6.5 hours, about 2 mph.

“Crazy to think how cold it was last night — frighteningly cold, cold that brought mortal fear.”

2/11

Thank Jesus the wind was calmed. Actually slept pretty well. Woke at 6:15. Getting an early start. Goal: 10 mi. to Woody Gap — hostel in Suches.

Made it to Suches. And Justin is here at the hostel with Night Owl. The dog isn’t handling the trail well, so Justin’s heading to Atlanta tomorrow to try to get a flight home.

I tried hitchhiking but maybe my technique is off. Walked the 2 mi. from Woody Gap to the hostel in Crocs. The hostel’s called Wolfpen Gap Country Store. Charming in a way — part convenience store, part diner, part hostel. Like a gas station but with tables and in one corner a TV & couch & trophies (deer & bear). No mattresses, but at least it’s warm.

Nice day today, even hot at times. Crazy to think how cold it was last night — frighteningly cold, cold that brought mortal fear. If my sleeping pad had popped, if my sleeping bag had gotten wet, I might’ve been in real danger of hypothermia — with nobody nearby & no battery in my phone.

Parts of the trail have reminded me of Black Mountain [in North Carolina, where my family used to vacation every summer]. The same green sloping woods, the same rocks & creeks. But then other parts are bleaker: bare, ominous trees, dead leaves everywhere.

Springer is an appropriate name for the start of a trail. “Springer sprung me forward…” The famous plaque on the summit says, “A Footpath for Those who seek Fellowship with the Wilderness.”

Goal tomorrow: about 10 mi. to Neel Gap.

My knees were sore today & hurt especially going downhill. Hot shower tonight felt amazing. Ate a whole pizza tonight. Yum.

2/12

Feeling pretty low. Wiped out. I think what’s weighing on me is the cold and the worries that come with it. Thank God I’m in a hostel tonight (albeit one without much heating) — it’s viciously windy & cold outside. I wish I could just hole up in a warm place until the cold goes away. Today was so windy. I’m exhausted. I hate the idea that tomorrow I’ll be in a cold shelter with mice for the night. Unicoi Gap the next day — then Top of Georgia Hostel in Hiawassee or a motel in Helen. Not sure about Mass on Sunday.

I haven’t been insufferably cold yet. I guess it’s a matter of fear. Maybe I’ll be more courageous after a good night’s sleep. Feeling too tired to read. I underestimated so many difficulties. Time to dig deep.

German mother & son here. They were at Hiker Hostel and stayed one night more to recover from jet lag. Must be fast hikers (they did the Approach Trail, too).

“I asked if they were thru-hiking and one of them said, ‘Yeah, we’re through for now.’”

Hot Sauce was talking my ear off tonight. Ex-Marine, big fellow, maybe 45, has hiked long sections of the AT several times and plans to go to Harpers Ferry [West Virginia] this year.

Blood Mtn. today had great views of mountains. Tough hike. Mary, pray for me.

2/13

Now sundown at Low Gap Shelter. Feeling better today, though the morning started out rough. Late start because the store didn’t open till 9:00 [I needed to buy some food from the store at the hostel]. Then I went like half a mile without seeing a white blaze, couldn’t decide whether to turn back, did for a minute, then turned around, went further & still no blaze, so finally went all the way back to the hostel & asked. I had been on the right trail.

Cold is so much more bearable without wind & wetness. Almost nice.

So I passed Hot Sauce early on & caught up with the Germans about 4:00. They’re at this shelter, too (tenting). Their trail names are “Mother Nature” & “Between.” He’s “between” school & university, childhood & adulthood.

Yesterday I saw a couple of girls enjoying a good view on Big Cedar Mtn. I asked if they were thru-hiking and one of them said, “Yeah, we’re through for now. Just enjoying the view.”

“Hot Sauce suggested my trail name be Ben Affleck (flattering, though he said I’d need to lose some weight in the cheeks)…”

2/14 (Valentine’s)

Wiped out again, but more happily this time. Just hitch-hiked for the first time. Unicoi Gap to Hiawassee. After about 15 minutes and 23 cars, the 24th car stopped for me. Young guy named Josh who’s from Atlanta & lives in Hiawassee now doing rehab for addiction & depression/anxiety (that is, working for a rehab place — not rehabbing), and on top of driving me to Ingles [grocery store] he bought me a sandwich at the deli. Serious Trail Magic. My first time to hitch & his first time to offer a hitch. What a guy.

Thought I was going to have some time [in the Ingles café area] to relax, journal, catch up on reading, etc., but had a long chat with two hikers who offered to let me room with them tonight at a motel (but one of them sort of gave me the creeps, offering to share a bed and all, so I stuck to my plan to stay at the Top of Georgia Hostel) and then a longer chat with two older hikers who met on the trail years ago, Eagle & Ghost.

Hot Sauce suggested my trail name be Ben Affleck or Affleck (flattering, though he said I’d need to lose some weight in the cheeks) so I countered with “The Dumb Ox” and he started calling me “Ox.” So “Ox” it is, at least for short.

Hot Sauce is a nice guy if you’re not black. Last night he marched into Low Gap Shelter long after sundown & started this rant against black people, comparing Obama to Hitler and Napoleon because, guess what, none of them were born in the countries they ruled & none went by their real names. He said his ancestors fought for the Union but if he could go back he’d fight for the South. He said other things. I was sort of stunned — never heard such blatant racism in my life.

No mice last night. Not sure if I’ve noted yet that Justin told me a mouse fell on his face. And then Hot Sauce told me a woman was wearing flavored lip balm and a mouse bit her lip while she slept.

Sort of lonely this Valentine’s Day. And yet I wished for more time alone [in the Ingles café]. My paradox.

About to get shuttled to Top of Georgia Hostel. Ideally will get a ride tomorrow to Mass in Clayton, GA, and then back to Unicoi Gap.

Man, I hate when people tell you it’s going to get harder. I don’t need that, Eagle & Ghost.

At Top of Georgia Hostel now. Frank (LTD) is here! Seems to be doing well. Mostly staying at hostels and slackpacking [i.e., leaving his gear at hostels & hiking with a light day pack] to avoid the cold nights.

Everyone’s talking about this terrible weather coming in. I get worried, but I don’t really know how bad it’ll be, whether I should hike in it and sleep in it. Haven’t yet slept wearing gloves & down jacket — haven’t had to — but I think I could get by. Once I brave the Smokies [the Great Smoky Mountains in North Carolina and Tennessee], I think I’ll be home free. Difficult hiking is nothing compared with the vague fear of getting stranded in the cold and/or shivering for hours.

Today has been a day of attempting to read & instead being roped/dragged into long conversations. But good news: Bob (Sir Packs-a-Lot) will drive me to Mass in Clayton and then Unicoi Gap all for $25. He’s going to go to Mass with me.

2/15

Things that don’t work as well in the cold:

- cell phone battery;

- cell phone;

- pens;

- water bottles;

- hands.

“Buttercup,” “Mellow,” “Miss America,” and “Sir Packs-a-Lot” (i.e., Bob, the owner) work at this hostel. Buttercup is a kind and sort of maternal figure. Good new hostel.

Turns out Bob hadn’t been to Mass in 5 years. He ended up thanking me — was glad he went. He compared rituals to bumpers [in bowling]. He shared how the hostel coming together is a miracle, how a girl in Barnes & Noble randomly gave him an envelope with $1,000. Pretty cool that just a couple weeks ago I was watching his [wilderness instruction] videos on YouTube.

“I asked if ‘St. Stephen’ took his name from the martyr and he said no, they were both named after songs by the Grateful Dead.”

Gospel reading about Jesus healing a leper. About ten rows ahead, at the front, was a boy with some kind of severe disease, his body thin & contorted, and throughout the Mass he wailed with unnatural, almost cat-like purring sounds, while his mother tried to quiet him. He was strapped to his special wheelchair. St. Helena [Church], Clayton, GA. First of many Masses along the trail. Each Catholic church is like home.

Bob drove me to Unicoi Gap & I hiked 5.7 mi. to Tray Mtn. Shelter. Met a father & son, “St. Stephen” and “Cosmic Charlie” (I asked if “St. Stephen” took his name from the martyr and he said no, they were both named after songs by the Grateful Dead). They’re just camping for the night but very experienced. The dad more or less asked me if I had any weed — “a treat on the trail.” He also talked me into staying at Top of Georgia Hostel again tomorrow because of the weather coming in — snow and sub-zero temperatures if you count wind chill. I may have to stay in the hostel a few days. Worst weather here all winter, he says. And I guess the money [i.e., the cost of staying in a hostel] is worth not freezing to death. I can stay in fewer hostels when it’s warm.

2/16

Sleet today — slippery at times. Knees hurt going downhill. Froze my butt off making lunch in a shelter (ramen noodle/mashed potato mix). Not worth the effort. Probably will stick with cold food until dinner, at least while it’s cold.

“A long trek in spartan conditions may foster a certain independence, but I’m finding it also brings home my dependence…”

Feeling pretty lonely. But the hot shower with my music playing was like paradise.

Feeling pretty okay about staying put at this hostel till the weather gets better. I could use the rest, and it’ll give me time to read.

2/17

A long trek in spartan conditions may foster a certain independence (from luxury, from routine, etc.), but I’m finding it also brings home my dependence — on water, on warmth, on dry clothing, on shelter, on maps made well, on weather forecasts, on the help of others. Take away one or two of these and my life could be over. At which point I would depend on people to bury me.

Still at Top of Georgia Hostel. First zero [i.e., a day when you hike zero miles]. Kind of nice. I don’t think I’ll be charged because I’m helping to invent & write outlandish stories to go with the gear they’re selling (e.g., Sir Packs-a-Lot rescuing a sumo wrestler, meeting Big Foot, doing the “Virginia Challenge” before lunch time).

Bob liked my stories & corresponding comics. He offered another work-for-stay deal tomorrow if I want to work on final drafts. There’s a chance I can hike 12 or 15 miles to Bly Gap — or rather, the nearest accessible road — but it will be slippery & the pick up will be uncertain & the low is zero & even colder in the mountains and with wind. So I’ll probably stay put.

Good pep talk from Miss America today. She said if I ever want to quit I need to call her & she will come hike with me for a day & keep me going. Maw-ee [another staff member at the hostel] enjoyed my stories/comics and told me I may eventually run into Billy Goat, an old man who’s hiked over 40,000 miles. Wants 50,000 by the time he’s 80.

Hikers may live on the wild side, but as a rule they’re early to bed, early to rise. Which comes pretty easily, even to me, because hiking wears you out.

Other things that don’t work in the cold:

- Nutella;

- stopping for lunch;

- baby wipes;

- fuel;

- water treatment drops;

- trails;

- EVERYTHING.

2/18

ASH WEDNESDAY.

Just learned that Bob used to be into filmmaking. He directed music videos & was (for a little while) an assistant to Steven Spielberg. Then he decided to do counseling, then wilderness guides, now the hostel. He once guided Nicole Kidman & she fell & busted her lip & had to have plastic surgery.

“I kind of hate it when past hikers start telling me in detail what I should do months from now.”

Meanwhile Buttercup used to be a medic for the Air Force, served in Belgium & Germany.

Was going to abstain from meat and then totally forgot when Bob pulled into a Chick-fil-A. (I went with him and Buttercup into Clayton & Hiawassee.)

2/19

Last day, I hope, in this hostel. Tomorrow will be clear skies, 34–25°. It’ll be a cold night in a shelter (or tent) but way better than tonight would be. Saturday & Sunday will be rainy but a little warmer: 43–39° and 48–36°.

I kind of hate it when past hikers start telling me in detail what I should do months from now, in Maine or New Hampshire. I’m just trying to figure out the next few days, which pose enough problems of their own.

Sort of nervous about getting back on the trail tomorrow, both because it’s really cold & because it’s been a while — four days? — since I hiked. Maybe I’ve lost whatever groove I had managed to form.

Miss America & Mellow say the trail is a “she.” Buttercup says it’s an “it.”

Apparently Bob is going to appear on a Discovery Channel show called Naked & Afraid, in which he’s paired up with a woman and they go into the wilderness naked & survive for a few weeks. It’s already been taped. He says the woman was hot but drove him nuts.

“Every time someone near me touched their face I assumed they were plugging their nose to make a joke about me.”

God, keep me warm from here to Franklin [a town in North Carolina]. Let me make it to Mass on Sunday. (I’m reading about Providence in the Summa Theologiae right now.)

2/20

Into the Cold.

NORTH CAROLINA

2/22

Writing from a laundromat in Franklin, NC. It was too cold to write the past couple days, and I’ve been too busy.

Before Friday my longest hike was 12.3 miles. Friday & Saturday I did 16.7 & 16.2, and that in snow & ice. Slipped a lot, fell on my butt once, didn’t hurt. Iced branches & leaves droop down on the trail so you have to duck under, go around, or push through them. Once had to get on hands & knees and just shove through iced branches. Did the insanely steep Albert Mtn. in wind & with ice. Grateful to God I didn’t slip. Pretty miserable Friday & first half of Saturday. Warmed up a little, and no mice Saturday night. Beautiful iced tree skeletons, glazed leaves.

Caught up with Frank/LTD on Friday & stayed at Standing Indian Shelter with him, then Low Gap with him on Saturday. Saw no one else on the trail Friday, Saturday, or Sunday (today).

Asked LTD to wake me up at 6:00 so I could get an early start & hike 7.2 mi. to hitch to Franklin for 11:30 Spanish Mass at St. Francis of Assisi. And I made it! 40 miles in under three days. Crossed into North Carolina on Friday. North Carolina welcomes you with some steep climbs.

Self-conscious at Mass because not only a gringo but stinky & in hiking clothes. Every time someone near me touched their face I assumed they were plugging their nose to make a joke about me. Fitting, though, because it’s the first Sunday in Lent. The priest talked about going into the desert to find God. Of all those people I probably smelled most like Jesus.

Splitting a room with LTD at Knights Inn.

Before Mass a local man named Jim chased after me & invited me to lunch at his house right by the church. So I went & his wife Judy made some excellent haystacks (taco salad) & peach cobbler, and I ate enough to be really, actually full. Jim wants to hike the AT after he retires (he’s 68) as well as bike across the country & motorcycle to the Arctic Circle. He’s an orthodontist & a state senator who’s traveled all over the place. Lots of mission trips. Judy was kind & generous.

“She told me to throw my stuff in the back with her boyfriend’s ashes…”

Keep meaning to note: the only discarded item I saw on the Approach Trail was a charger for a MacBook. [I’d heard stories about people chucking lots of gear on the Approach Trail to lighten their packs.]

If I were a smarter hiker I’d probably have skipped Albert Mtn. [There was a blue-blazed side trail.] LTD did. Pretty proud of my two 16+ mi. days.

Also keep meaning to note how I was like St. Peter on Ash Wednesday — specifically when he denied Christ three times, though for me it was more like forgetting Christ. First I ate the Chick-fil-A. Then ate a Hot Pocket, remembering halfway through that I shouldn’t be eating pepperoni. Then Maw-ee’s Indian food with pieces of chicken. [The staff let me join them for dinner.] Ash Wednesday fail. But I’m offering up my trail pains as penance.

Prayed to make it to Mass on time, prayed for a ride, and God provided. Marlene stopped for me after about 15 minutes. She told me to throw my stuff in the back with her boyfriend’s ashes — so I awkwardly lifted my pack over the ashes (a purple box) as reverently as I could. Her first question was whether I was an axe murderer. She said her sister would kill her for picking up a stranger but sometimes you have to take risks. Looked about 70. On her way to a casino to watch some poker games & sharpen up. She’d been to poker school years before & wanted to be a dealer now at a new casino opening up.

“He’s hoping for a conjugal visit while on the trail. ‘She uses me for sex,’ he says. ‘I don’t complain.’”

2/23

Funny how you bump into other hikers you’ve met before. Came into this bakery in Franklin and Kite Man is here. As I ate my biscuit sandwich, he described a shelter he’d been to where there was a nest of mice & he saw seven & lots of poop & ticks & disease. He set up his tent and a mouse chewed through the net & pooped in his tent.

Outdoor 76: great outfitter in Franklin. “Tap room” in the back with lots of North Carolina & Tennessee beers. Got to talking with the guys there — great people. One of them just finished “World Race,” a mission trip to 11 countries in 11 months. Another guy, Jonathan, offered to drive me to Winding Stair Gap tomorrow morning.

LTD’s fiancée is getting “gummy bear boobs” while he’s gone. His explanation for this new kind of boob is “you can cut it with a knife — they don’t burst.” He’s hoping for a conjugal visit while on the trail. “She uses me for sex,” he says. “I don’t complain.”

“There’s a delight simply in remembering people and events we haven’t thought about in years. Hiking is conducive to memory and reflection.”

2/25

Beautiful snow-laden tree skeletons. Cold Spring Shelter to Nantahala Outdoor Center [NOC] today. At NOC now with Longhorn & his dad Zipper, and Otter & Maple. It’s a step down from hostels because you have to walk outside to get anywhere — bathroom, laundry, kitchen. No towel, and the bunkroom is cold. But the shower was hot & wonderful.

Cold Spring Shelter was excellent — no mice, right by water, and literally right on the trail.

Life is a nonlinear narrative. I’ve been circling memory lane. There’s a delight simply in remembering people & events we haven’t thought about in years. Hiking is conducive to memory & reflection.

Funny how most of my benefactors’ names have started with J: Josh, Jim & Judy, Jonathan (of Outdoor 76 — drove me to Winding Stair Gap on a snowy morning, no charge), and Jimmy (a guy in Franklin who picked me up when I wasn’t even asking). There’s also Marlene.

“He moves around in his sleeping bag as if in battle.”

2/26

Five or ten inches of snow outside. Zeroing at NOC. Taking Advil for left knee. Planning on 13.4 mi. tomorrow to Stecoah Gap (Cabin in the Woods Hostel) and then 14 to Fontana 28 (the Hike Inn) for Saturday night — they found a ride for me to attend Mass in Robbinsville on Sunday morning. Jeff of the Hike Inn says my plan is “aggressive” — lots of snow on the ground, and these are tough miles. God help me.

“Who is the father of the rain? Or who begot the drops of dew?” (Job 38:28 via Summa Theologiae.)

Maker of Trees. Mountain Artist.

Zipper is loud at night. He snores loudly, but he’s even louder when not snoring. He moves around in his sleeping bag as if in battle.

Ran into the Germans at the NOC restaurant. Between has been sick. Good to see them. I also met Pied Piper & Two Wars, who gave an encouraging response to my question, “Would it be stupid of me to go through the Smokies now?” People are skipping the Smokies, waiting a while to enter, etc. But they said the terrain isn’t too bad and I should be fine. Pied Piper is leaving the trail because he just learned his girlfriend is pregnant.

2/27

Maybe strength & tenderness are not opposed. Maybe the Almighty is the All-Tender. St. John, pray for me. To Stecoah Gap today (Cabin in the Woods Hostel). Lots & lots of uphill climbing.

What a homey, cozy hostel. Very nice. No hot water in the shower yet, though.

Hiking in that snow was exhausting. Seemingly endless climbs. Luckily someone had gone before and left footprints. Sometimes 8–10 inches of snow. Some slipping, fell once to my knees.

While I waited for my ride at Stecoah Gap, two separate people — a woman in an SUV & a man in a pickup — pulled over just to see if I needed a ride because it was getting cold. People can be good.

I like Phil & Donna [owners of the hostel] a lot. Ate dinner with them (great), and Donna let me use her laptop. Very relaxed & personal, free from the rigidity of professional protocol.

2/28

Decided to stay at this hostel another night (Phil picked me up after my 14-mi. hike from Stecoah Gap to U.S. 28 near Fontana Dam). Mass tomorrow in Robbinsville and then to Fontana Dam and into the formidable Smokies. Probable rain this week. Hoping to finish the Smokies by Friday. Heavy pack. Attempted to buy 6 days’ worth of food but probably bought at least 10. Not sure I’ll be able to fit it all in my pack.

Nervous about the Smokies. Been hearing about them since day one, when LTD started talking about “waist-high drifts” of snow. Plus I haven’t faced much rain, haven’t gone more than two or three nights in a row without the comforts of a hostel (shower, laundry, dry clothes, contact with family, big meals, a warm room, a bed, etc.). This will be a big test. God help me — not only to survive but to enjoy it.

3/2

Tough 12.3 mi. yesterday & 12 today. Been with Mother Nature & Between, as well as Moose & 0311 — the latter two are not the warmest fellows, but nice enough. They’re younger, I think, maybe in college.

“Embrace the wet feet. Embrace the dirt. Embrace the post-holing.”

Lots of snow & slush, some post-holing [walking in deep snow]. Up to 20 inches of snow, mostly 3–5, tough climbs. But decent temperatures. Mud at the shelters. No privy this morning; squatted in the woods (first time I’ve had to). Some beautiful views. I love the look of clouds draping mountains. I’m walking above the clouds.

Forgot to mention Trail Magic on Saturday — Snow White & Wounded Knee were driving around and happened to be at the gap at the same time I was. Gave me an apple, Mountain Dew, Reese’s & Mallo cups. They wanted to hike 4 liters (or gallons?) of margarita mix to one of the shelters, but they weren’t sure anyone would be there.

A group of EIGHT just showed up [at the shelter] — a school group from the University of South Florida. But they’re nice, and there’s room. It’s interesting to be the “veteran” hiker in the group, to answer questions.

3/3

Embrace the wet feet. Embrace the dirt. Embrace the post-holing.

“He went on a rant about the fee hikers pay in the Smokies — said ‘automobile people’ should be paying a big toll when they come through.”

Maybe the hardest hike so far. 14 mi. or so in lots of snow, often post-holing knee-deep (well, close). Up to Clingman’s Dome today — couldn’t even see the tower because it was so foggy. I guess I was in a cloud. Crossed the 200-mile mark (not actually marked).

Everything is dirty. Shoes, socks, and feet have been soaked all day for three days straight. Heard it’s going to get to -5° two nights from now, with more snow, so I think I’ll get out of the Smokies when I hit Newfound Gap tomorrow. The Germans are going to Gatlinburg — me, too. Daydreaming about washing all my gear, doing laundry, taking a shower.

Guy who told me about forthcoming bad weather was City Slicka, whom I met in a shelter where I stopped to get water. Says he’s been going up & down the trail for two or three years straight — over 7,000 miles. I asked if he had a source of income & he said he made some money young. Looked about 40, long beard, knew everything about the AT. Went on a rant about the fee hikers pay in the Smokies, said “automobile people” should be paying a big toll when they come through.

Another group at the shelter tonight — about 5. Not University of South Florida. Talked with Micah & Noelle. They hiked 1,000 miles of the PCT [Pacific Crest Trail] last summer. Noelle is from Dallas, went to Greenhill. Nice people.

“Gatlinburg has a certain charm — at least in February when it’s not too crowded and you’ve just come off the trail after 3½ grueling days in snow, snow, snow.”

Frustrated today but eventually hit a Zen — or Stoic — frame of mind. Such a long 14 miles. Cannot wait to be out of snow. Though I did sort of make a game out of it — how deep a post-hole can I step in?

Forgot to write about Mass at Prince of Peace, Robbinsville, NC. Little church. Maybe 20 or 30 people there. Fr. George’s homily included a long rant against Islam, the essence of which, he said, was violence — arbitrary bloodshed. Somehow this connected with the reading from Genesis — the Aqedah. Gospel: Mark’s Transfiguration. Fr. George clearly had some insights (e.g., about the analogy of being) but his homily was so scattered and needlessly focused on Islam and smacked of the worst of American conservatism.

“This is my beloved Son. LISTEN TO HIM.”

3/4

Ah, the comforts of town. Gatlinburg, though a tourist trap, has a certain charm — at least in February when it’s not too crowded & you’ve just come off the trail after 3½ grueling days in snow, snow, snow. Full moon tonight. Found St. Mary’s Catholic Church right as their one 6 p.m. weekday Mass was starting (Providence tends to be more apparent to me when Our Lady is involved). It was a Spanish Mass with Sunday’s readings. An Indian priest, I think. No talk of Islam in the homily, thank God, but maybe too much talk of Martin Luther King. Why can’t priests just exegete the readings like Augustine & Newman?

“You walk in to a bombardment of Jesus music and paraphernalia.”

The reading from Mark says the disciples at the Transfiguration were “questioning” what “rising from the dead” could mean. I’ve been praying that Tyler [a Dallas friend] would be able to believe in the Resurrection and enter the Church. During Mass I got a text from him saying he believes in the Resurrection and will enter the Church at Easter, “albeit through a crack in the Eastern window,” i.e., an Eastern Catholic Church — St. Basil’s. Praise be to God. Christos anesti.

Ran into LTD on the trail today — he’s going south from Newfound Gap to Fontana Dam, I guess, then north from the same gap on Saturday. The Germans & I are in the Grand Prix Motel in Gatlinburg — $40/night plus outrageous tax. Here till Friday probably, but not sure how I’ll get to Mass Sunday. The hostel just past the Smokies, Standing Bear Farm, might’ve taken me, but I heard one of the owners, Curtis, died today or yesterday. Not sure I want to show up there and ask about shuttles.

Guy who runs the Grand Prix is interesting. You walk in to a bombardment of Jesus music & paraphernalia. While I was on the computer he started playing the awful movie God’s Not Dead loudly on the TV. But he’s a nice guy, generous to hikers. Amazing to have my own room with a big bed & bathroom & shower.

“…simply by looking like a hiker I attract the conversation of strangers. Life should always be like that.”

Hitched from Newfound Gap today with a Lutheran pastor (semi-retired) named David. Great conversation about vocation & pastoral work. He shared a Navajo saying: “Walk in beauty.” More a motto or a mantra. Walk in beauty, every step on holy ground. David grew up Southern Baptist with a Southern Baptist preacher for a grandfather, whom he called “egotistical.” He mentioned the term “self-differentiation” in reference to his becoming Lutheran.

Even before David came along two women greeted me and gave me snacks (Fruit Roll-ups) and said if no one stopped for me within 30 minutes, they would take me to Gatlinburg. I’m so delighted by the generosity people have shown me, though I also wonder if I’d meet with such generosity if I were, say, black, or old, or evidently poor.

I like how simply by looking like a hiker I attract the conversation of strangers. Life should always be like that. Today a guy in Five Guys came over & talked to me about the AT & the Camino. I like being approachable. I like the social aspect of hiking even as I hike in solitude.

“Walk in beauty.” Isn’t that Coleridge — or Byron? “She walked in beauty like the night.” [Note: it’s Byron, and it says, “She walks in beauty…”]

I love this religion in which every place of worship has prominently displayed a man dying a violent, disgraceful death, and which affirms this man is God, our Creator, and died for love, and rose from the dead, and that we eat His risen Body & drink His risen Blood, and that He gave us His mother to be our mother, Our Lady. “Praise Him.”

“Every true hiker has an idealist in him. What is the AT but a beautiful idea?”

Perhaps one shouldn’t chase after fine feelings, epiphanies, elevated passions. Perhaps they only come to those who can do without them, those concerned with actions & duties & work. Or so I thought tonight, strolling through full-moonlit Gatlinburg. Somehow I felt more deeply because I’ve not been concerned with feelings, but with the demanding work of each day. Maybe the tenderest moments are reserved for those too busy for tenderness (e.g., Jesus & Mary). When I meet wonderfully unsentimental people I suspect they have the most beautifully sentimental moments. A secret tender place.

Hiking is a balance between realism & idealism. You have to be ruthlessly realistic about gear, weather, bodily functions, logistics. But every true hiker has an idealist in him. What is the AT but a beautiful idea? There’s no practical advantage to walking from Georgia to Maine. If Katahdin held something practically valuable, one could fly or drive to get to it. But it’s beautiful to walk there.

Now to the Dumb Ox [Aquinas] — idealistic realist, unsentimental mystic.

3/5

“The Son is the Word, not any sort of word, but one Who breathes forth Love.” … “Thus the Son is sent … according to the intellectual illumination which breaks forth into the affection of love.” –The Dumb Ox

Newfound Gap is closed today, so I’m not sure I’ll be able to hit the trail tomorrow.

Starbucks; snow falling; Miles Davis playing “Flamenco Sketches.”

Of the Holy Spirit: “by His sway He governs.”

Beard is coming along.

Always longing for connection. Always wishing it were as effortless as in Lost in Translation.

Learned a little about the Germans today at the great all-you-can-eat breakfast. Mother Nature is a teacher — like 10 to 17-year-olds? German & the Arts. Between wants to study economics and/or Informatics or something.

I find myself even more suspicious of TV commercials than I was before.

3/6

Went to the rectory at St. Mary’s last night and Fr. Antony was willing to hear my confession. Vigil Mass tomorrow at 7:00. Trail on Sunday morning. Four nights from then to Hot Springs [North Carolina].

“Kind of nice to be here at an off time when it’s relatively desolate. I like off times, when people and places are not ‘on’ but are just themselves.”

Grand Prix owner is a talker. Was telling me this morning about a preacher who saw angels walk soldier-like into his church, and saw a veteran’s hand grow back. He told me about his long fasts — 21 days at the start of every year with no food. Leading up to the Presidential election he did 40 days, he says. He’s been involved in disaster relief. Stopped doing the Baptist disaster relief because they only helped Baptists — he wanted to help everyone. The woman who works here [who turned out to be his wife] asked me if I knew Jesus. “Yes.” I can’t pinpoint her accent but maybe some kind of Hispanic. She gave the grace-alone-not-works spiel. She’s going to take me to the grocery store today & maybe “Ober Gatlinburg” tomorrow.

There’s a big poster near the computer illustrating the end times. By the front door a sign: “II Chronicles 7:14.” Lots of stuff like that. But the man here gets pretty angry about the nearby motel owner using his dumpster & referring guests to his laundry room. Calls him a “liar.”

Fr. Antony said over 10 million people visit Gatlinburg every year. Kind of nice to be here at an off time when it’s relatively desolate. I like off times, when people and places are not “on” but are just themselves.

“What’s funny is she sounded crazy to me but every time she asked if I agreed, I did.”

Enjoying Summa Theologiae a lot (I’m on page 259, beginning the treatise on the angels) but I can’t sympathize with the idea that God “efficaciously” chooses some for glory, chooses some for grace but not glory, and lets the rest — the majority — go to hell. It’s an image of God as withholding — He has the efficacious grace to save all, but He chooses to save only a few. Better to say, I think, that grace (or at least the possibility of eternal life) is granted to all, and yet it can be resisted and thrown away. Such a view may have some difficulties with certain biblical passages, but so does Aquinas’ view.

Another stranger approached me in Starbucks because he saw my guide book. A man named Christian from Kentucky, a first-year teacher here with other teachers.

I’m so stupid & oblivious sometimes. Here I confess to Fr. Antony that I’ve eaten meat on Fridays [in Lent] and then I go and eat a big Five Guys double cheeseburger somehow unaware that it’s FRIDAY.

Grand Prix man’s wife is the quintessence of a religious nut but so sincere & earnest it’s endearing. She took me and Kite Man (now going by “Stretch”) to the grocery store & preached to him about Israel [he’s Israeli] & Jesus & hell & Romans Road. Talked about her gift of interpreting dreams. What’s funny is she sounded crazy to me but every time she asked if I agreed — e.g., that hell is real — I did.

I should stop going to restaurants alone, but I can’t help but think that eating alone in a motel room is lonelier than at a restaurant. At least here there is the possibility of a connection.

My Russian waitress likes Tolstoy more than Dostoevsky. So no connection.

“It’s got to be hard not knowing if the people you see are strangers or loved ones.”

3/7

Scene: I walk into Bennett’s for the breakfast buffet. Old lady with hair dyed dark red is the hostess. As she approaches from somewhere back in the restaurant, I say:

ME: One.

HER: Welcome.

ME: Thanks. Just one.

HER: Sorry, honey, I’m blind. (Hugs me in a very familiar way.)

ME: Um … can I get a table?

HER: Sure, right this way. (Leads me toward a table. Turns back to me.) You’re not who I thought you were, are you? I thought you were my adopted grandson.

Poor woman. It’s got to be hard not knowing if the people you see are strangers or loved ones.

So many couples in Gatlinburg. Couples my age with beautiful babies & kids.

It was more a tourist town today — a Saturday with decent weather. Went to 7 p.m. Mass. Gospel: Jesus drives out the salesmen & money changers with a whip of cords. The zealous, angry Son of the Father. May He drive out of me all that clings to the world & flirts with sin.

Finally hitting the trail tomorrow. Spent too much time & money in Gatlinburg. Now five full days of hiking to Hot Springs. I think I’ll ask Aunt Dene & Uncle Bob to pick me up there [they live about an hour from Hot Springs] so I can rest, fatten up again, go to Mass, and hit the trail Sunday. Mass the following weekend in Erwin, TN. (Easter’s two weeks from then; Mom & Dad may fly out that weekend.)

Pet peeves in Mass: chatter before it starts; bad hymns; guitars; people who rush to say the responses before everyone else (like the guy behind me tonight); homilies filled with vague fluff; pretty much anything that detracts from reverence. It’d be cool if a smart priest like Fr. Hugh Vincent [a priest from the parish I attended in college] did stand-up comedy. Maybe I’ll write about one.

“They hitched from Gatlinburg yesterday and the old man who picked them up ‘kidnapped’ them…”

3/8

Hitched with a guy named Alex, 33, from Nashville. In the area to play poker. Turned his truck around to get me because I “looked like a nice guy.” His first time to pick up a hitchhiker. Talked about why he doesn’t want to get married. It seems I piqued his interest in hiking. He offered to let me take a book, almonds, etc.

Hiked 15.8 mi. in about 7.5 hours. Easier without tons of snow & post-holing. Got to the shelter and lo & behold, LTD! With JB & Goat. Three other short-term hikers just came in.

3/9

Tough start today: unexpected snow & ice, lots of slipping, fell once. Then it was pleasant for a while, some beautiful views. Then as I descended further my left knee started killing me. Hope it gets better.

Now at Davenport Gap Shelter with Sasquatch (or “Rescue”), Attrition (or “Sword Man” — he has a sword), and Nemo. Funny guys. They hitched from Gatlinburg yesterday & the old man who picked them up “kidnapped” them, i.e., took them on the scenic route for THREE HOURS! (Instead of 20 minutes.)

“The first time he tried Ecstasy he may have accidentally done meth instead.”

3/10

Walked 3 or 4 mi. to the gravel road leading to Standing Bear Farm Hostel (just a couple hundred yards off the trail) and had a nice chili stew lunch with Attrition, Nemo, & Sasquatch. Enjoying their company. Sasquatch was in the Army & went to Iraq; now at George Washington University. Attrition carries a sword for practice — he does Renaissance-era martial arts. He’s also into Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, & other “stereotypically nerdy stuff.” He (and I think Nemo) has done EMT training. Nemo & Attrition are machinists. Nemo ran a machine shop of some kind and used the money to travel Patagonia. They were debating the definitions of backcountry & frontcountry. They know a lot & they’re witty. Nemo’s done a lot of drugs; the first time he tried Ecstasy he may have accidentally done meth instead. Sasquatch is majoring in Finance and Nemo is probing about capitalism and “what economic system is next?”

Standing Bear was interesting — most rustic hostel so far. A cat without a tail, a rooster, a privy. It’s run by Rocket & Lumpy, owned by Maria — her husband Curtis died a week ago. Rocket told me it was pancreatic cancer & they found out around Thanksgiving. Two kids — about 12 & 13.

“He hiked 30 miles in a day from NOC to Fontana Dam because he’d heard about a pretty girl named Mockingbird and thought she would be there…”

Now the guys are discussing food distribution and possibly looming mass famine owing to ecological disaster, and how companies value profitability over sustainability.

I really like Augustine-via-Aquinas’s approach to Genesis 1. “Morning & evening” knowledge of the angels — morning: in the Word; evening: in the things themselves.

Evening conversation with Nemo, Attrition, and Sasquatch on religion, the hugeness of the universe, etc. I read aloud the article in the Summa Theologiae about the oneness of the world (i.e., no multiverse).

3/11

So much pleasanter when it’s relatively warm outside. We stayed up late laughing in our sleeping bags — mostly about a guy named Matt who hiked 30 mi. in a day from NOC to Fontana Dam because he’d heard about a pretty girl named Mockingbird and thought she would be there (she wasn’t). He rolled up — or hobbled up — at midnight and woke up Nemo & Attrition and admitted he “might have been pink blazing a little bit” [i.e., chasing a girl, basically].

Attrition is planning to do the four major regional trails in a row: AT, North Country, PCT, Continental Divide, totaling about 12,500 miles. Plans to take about two years.

Forgot to note that as of yesterday morning I have SURVIVED THE SMOKIES! In winter.

Rainy this morning & afternoon & pretty miserable. What sucks about rain:

- being really wet is unpleasant;

- dirtier drinking water [because rain moves dirt from the bottom of the stream];

- hard to see good views;

- mud;

- hard to eat [when you don’t have a roof and want your food to be dry].

Luckily it stopped raining about 3:00.

Met Montana & Gordo on the trail today. Montana hikes in sandals and with no trekking poles. He thru-hiked in 2005. Goes ultra light — 22 lbs. max with food & water. Told me about an almost-blind hiker named Why Not.

Shelter tonight with Nemo, Attrition, Sasquatch, Montana, and Gordo (small, sucky shelter, so Nemo & Attrition are tenting here). Hot Springs tomorrow — probably going to split a room with Nemo, Attrition, and Sasquatch.

Saw a wild turkey fly in & land near the shelter where I stopped for lunch.

“…she went immediately to a stranger’s tent rather than sleep next to Creepy J.”

3/13

Beautiful weather yesterday — warm, sunny — so pleasant to hike in. We went 13 mi. to Hot Springs (the AT goes right through it) and got a room at the Alpine Motel. At the Smoky Mountain Diner we wolfed down 1-lb. burgers & fries & cobblers with ice cream.

My phone got waterlogged & isn’t turning on. Hoping to get in touch with Aunt Dene & Uncle Bob so I can spend the next couple days at their place & rest, resupply, go to Mass, read, ice my knee, do laundry, clean my gear. RICIES: rest, ice, compression, ibuprofen, elevation, stretching.

Montana told us about a guy in 2011 named Creepy J who once approached a shelter way after dark pretending to talk on the phone with a park ranger to make sure he was “guaranteed a spot” in this 6-person shelter that was crammed with about 10 people because of a storm. When a German offered to make some room, a girl next to the German bolted, and a guy in a tent offered her a place, so she went immediately to a stranger’s tent rather than sleep next to Creepy J.

3/14 (π Day)

Found Uncle Bob’s office number online & called him from the public library. He picked me up about 1:30 & bought me lunch. Dinner at the pizza place next to his house.

Aquinas: “he who has grace can fail to make use of it, and can sin.” Grace not irresistible. So what does “efficacious grace” mean?

“…infused love, from which [an angel] could be turned away by sinning.”

“They saw like eleven guys walking behind her trying to talk with her.”

Confession & Mass at St. Margaret Mary near Black Mountain. Been there in the past. Priest is very near heretical in the confessional (says things to the effect that you should “invite God” into your sin — or, more charitably, your struggle with sin — and stop “condemning” and “labeling” it, and you can be saved through your sin, and blessed are the sinful, etc.). I think I tried to contest some of his phraseology the last time — a year or two ago — but to no effect. Then during Mass this priest is like a more histrionic caricature of a caricature of Harry Caray, complete with bobbing head, with an added touch of Holy Joe phony piety. I think I prefer having the guy behind me who rushes the responses — maybe. On the positive side, when I walked in to wait in line, there was a recording of monks chanting — beautiful. Even when I can’t understand the words my spirit is lifted in reverence, awe, fear of the Lord, desire for heaven, loyalty to the saints & to Christ.

3/17 (St. Patrick’s Day)

My longest hike yet — about 19 miles. At Little Laurel Shelter with Bird, Elmer’s, Hype Man, Bree, Schwa, and (dog) Scamp.

“If we weren’t so used to our bodies we should regard them as having superpowers.”

Yesterday I (sort of) helped Uncle Bob put up trusses at his store. Impressed by how he’d fearlessly climb along these wobbly wooden structures 35 ft. in the air. Also a little worried. A tape measure fell 35 ft. and clonked a guy named Jerry in the head.

Bird, Hype Man, & Elmer’s were telling me about a guy named Green who was stalking Mockingbird, and how they saw like 11 guys walking behind her trying to talk with her. Legendary.

Today I saw big lush green mountains — much more pleasant than bare and/or rocky ones. I also love natural arches over the trail.

3/18

13.2 mi. today to a nice shelter — Flint Mtn. — with a good water source. At one point today I asked myself, “Is this really the trail?” because it seemed too hard (almost rock climbing) & later I asked the same question because it seemed too easy (broad, grassy, level path). Trail truth: don’t judge a day by its morning. The afternoon & evening could be quite different.

If we weren’t so used to our bodies we should regard them as having superpowers. The body takes foreign matter — cashews, bananas — and transforms them into itself. Or converts them into energy. And the body is itself a heater. The only heater we have on the AT.

“Cut two fingers tonight with my pocket knife. There’s blood and mud and dirt on everything.”

One thing that would suck about being an atheist is you’ll never get to have that “I told you so!” moment. If death is the end, you won’t even have the satisfaction of knowing you were right.

Chipmunks hopping about. Pretty sure I saw a duck on the trail today. It flew away & startled me.

TENNESSEE

3/19

19 mi. today in unexpected cold & expected rain. Some hail. Cold wind. Mud. Chafing — bad chafing. The shelter where I stopped to eat lunch out of the rain was full. Just had to stand there eating & shivering. Cut two fingers tonight with my pocket knife. There’s blood & mud & dirt on everything. So good day.

Pretty full shelter tonight, including Wallace [I’d met him weeks earlier] & his friend Tony, Bird, Elmer’s, and presumably Hype Man.

Such a long, rainy, cold, windy, muddy, chafing day. How does one rejoice in this day the Lord has made? I wish I had unwavering joy.

Wallace said he likes the Dumb Ox quotations I’ve been writing in the logbooks.

3/21

Finally met the legendary Mockingbird here at Uncle Johnny’s Nolichucky Hostel in Erwin, TN.

Felix (whom I ran into in Georgia as he went south to Springer — he then turned around) is up early with me this morning. Soooo hot in the bunkroom because Coyote loaded up the stove. Coyote seems to want to prove himself & one-up everything; says after the AT he’s going to do some other trails & kayaking or something. Elmer & Bird told me he yellow blazes [i.e., skips parts of the trail by hitchhiking]. Anyway, I was sweating all night in just my underwear, directly on the mattress — almost puddles of sweat — and probably slept two hours. Felix almost came to tears just now telling me about his parents and their sacrifices (he saw my book & mentioned that his dad got a master’s in theology).

Met a guy named Jason here who thru-hiked the PCT in 4 months 10 days and is now flying along the AT — averaging about 23 mi. a day. This is his first zero day. I don’t really see the appeal of going that fast.

Uncle Johnny [the hostel owner] is interesting. Large man with some kind of coughing problem, but he keeps speaking through the coughs, which yields a succession of strange emphases.

Past four days: 19 mi., 13, 19, 17. Feet hurting. Mockingbird showed me a picture of her heels before getting new shoes at Outdoor 76 — bloody. Huge bloody blisters.

“He calls himself a masochist because he finds it so interesting what the body does in duress, e.g., when he had hypothermia the other day and thought, ‘This is so much fun.’”

The ripples & webs of trail social life are funny. From people moving faster than I am I hear updates on people I passed (like Hot Sauce) and learn about people before I meet them (like Mockingbird). And they often recognize my name from the logbooks. Meanwhile I read entries from people ahead of me, like Iceman, Nemo, Attrition, Sasquatch. Saw something by the Germans the other day. It’s really nice to see entries from friends.

3/22

Longer days as I go north.

“He sent about 30 Facebook messages alternating between professions of his love and accusations…”

Long chat last night with Mockingbird, John (who works at the hostel & has 12 felony charges but never spent a day in prison), and Cinderella (a guy). We got it out of John that he’d been in love once with a woman named Rita. He’s an ex-Marine who loves Mountain Dew (2 liters/day) and bourbon…

Cinderella’s 18 & calls himself a masochist because he finds it so interesting what the body does in duress, e.g., when he had hypothermia the other day and thought, “This is so much fun.” In Hot Springs he had a 6-hour haircut with an intermission for dinner.

Mockingbird is an only child from Durham. She was a raft guide at NOC one summer, so yesterday she went to a rafting place here in Erwin where she’d been once before & smooth-talked our way into free laundry.

She met Green at Mountain Crossings Hostel and they hiked together for a while, but eventually they got separated & he sent about 30 Facebook messages alternating between professions of his love & accusations that she’s “with” some guy named Tadpole. Real creepy stuff. There are pros & cons to being a beautiful young woman.

I’m at a shelter just 4 mi. north of Erwin. Mockingbird should be getting here with her friend Sarah (visiting) soon.

“She said she’s sort of a Messianic Jew, and when I asked if that meant she believed Jesus was the Messiah, she said, ‘Sometimes.’”

Mass this morning at St. Michael the Archangel, a mission church in a building that used to be a house. Fr. Tom was kind. Too chatty & informal an atmosphere. People talking before & after, and even during (the guy next to me kept saying things to me). The reading from Hebrews referred to Christ’s reverence, as well as His “loud sighs & tears.” Easter in two weeks — Mom & Dad plan to visit. Probably will stay in Marion [Virginia], maybe Damascus.

Feeling down all day. Mockingbird asked me how many times I’ve cried on the trail — zero so far. Five for her (including when an uncle died). She started on Valentine’s Day. She’s majoring in Education & wants to teach middle school & used to pole vault but quit after two years or so on the college track team. She plans to stop at Harpers Ferry — no, at the literal halfway point — and do the rest next year. She has a special needs uncle whom she loves dearly.

A deacon, Br. Tom, took me to lunch after Mass. He frequently does Trail Magic at a gap nearby. He’s from Wisconsin & has two dogs. Nice country-style lunch.

3/23

First 20-mile day! Went over Unaka Mtn. Nice weather.

Enjoyed last night at a shelter with Mockingbird & her friend Sarah. They went 13 mi. today but I’m sure Mockingbird will catch up with me soon.

I’m at Greasy Creek Friendly Hostel near the trail. Lady here — Connie [the owner] — is pretty kooky, and her neighbor is insane. He hates hikers & puts up signs near the trail saying, e.g., the hostel is closed due to illness, or due to a death in the family — also signs with exorbitant prices. And Connie goes up & takes the signs down. She thinks he probably stole her cat. She’s a fast-talking (nonstop-talking) old woman originally from Greenville, SC, very into the Sabbath & recycling. She said she’s sort of a Messianic Jew, and when I asked if that meant she believed Jesus was the Messiah, she said, “Sometimes.” She thinks the Catholic Church is the Beast & there’s a chance the U.S. will enact laws penalizing people who observe the Sabbath instead of Sunday worship. It’s Constantine’s fault, she thinks, that Christians worship on Sunday. She’s writing a novel about a lady hostel owner & her manic-depressive ex-husband and schizophrenic neighbor. Last words of the novel: “…but it’s hard to be friendly in a hostel world.”

Don’t think I mentioned the hikers Tortoise & Hare — a couple who stayed at Uncle Johnny’s. Both med school students, runners, eat well & cheap. Today I met a SOBO [southbound] section hiker, Waterbug, who’s been doing sections for 30 years. Tonight at the hostel is another section hiker, Codger, and his friend — both biology professors at the University of Illinois Chicago.

Really want to read Aquinas but so tired. Roan Mtn. tomorrow — big one.

3/24

18-mi. day to Overmountain Shelter, a big barn. Mockingbird was right: best shelter on the trail. Great view, tons of space, enclosed 2nd floor. Here with two day-hikers (or two two-day-hikers?), Matt & Ashley — from nearby. Nice couple.

Started slow today because I felt kind of sick, but I felt gradually better. Met a man named Hydro who’s an Episcopal priest. On his last sabbatical he spent 40 days hiking & read the four Gospels, and he wrote a manuscript of reflections — about 100 pages — possibly will be published. He’s a section hiker who will do more of the trail on his next sabbatical. Gave me tips on getting enough electrolytes.

18 mi. tomorrow, then 16 to Kincora Hostel run by Bob Peoples, apparently a trail veteran & a maintainer AND a Knight of Columbus.

Today while hiking I went through all the saints I could think of & asked them to pray for me.

Right foot getting a little torn up…

“Outside the grocery store, a woman was in handcuffs; Bob said probably she had a meth lab.”

3/25

Tough day. Another 18 mi. First two or three hours had the worst wind I’ve seen — right over a ridge, maybe 40–50 mph, relentless. I hated it. Was passed by Little Debbie [a guy] & then Medicine Man. They’re in the shelter with me now.

Feeling down about my pace, about getting passed & never passing, about my blisters.

3/26

At Kincora Hostel with Little Debbie (from Maryland) & Medicine Man (from Pennsylvania). Nice guys. Little Debbie starts college after the trail; Medicine Man starts med school. Bob Peoples runs this place — $5 requested donation. He’s a trail maintainer. From Boston. Was in the Air Force.

Walls & ceilings covered with photos of hikers at the summit of Katahdin (a common thank-you card). He drove us into Hampton, TN, to resupply. Outside the grocery store, a woman in handcuffs; Bob said probably she had a meth lab. Bob talked to us a while about hiking the Camino de Santiago. He’s a Knight of Columbus but doesn’t want us to think he’s very religious? Possibly believes Jesus had a kid with Mary Magdalene?

Another 18 mi. planned for tomorrow and then — MAYBE — a 33-mi. day into Damascus (terrain is pretty flat; we’ll see).

VIRGINIA

3/28

So much to write but too tired. We [Medicine Man, Little Debbie, and I] got this idea to night-hike & do all 50 mi. to Damascus, but it was snowy & freezing & my feet were killing me, so we only did 32. Then 18 today. Staying at The Place [a church hostel]. Bird is here.

3/29

Debbie & Dusty Frazier gave me a ride to Christ the King (25 mi. from Damascus) and took me to Logan’s Steakhouse for lunch. Palm Sunday, Ugandan priest, reverent parish. Couple of tears when we sang “Were You There” after I’d received Communion. The Fraziers have 12 kids; 4 there today. Debbie is a revert & Dusty a convert. Lots of good conversation about theology & apologetics. Dusty is an orthopedic surgeon, was late to Mass because he was doing surgery.

“Apparently he’s carrying a gun or is with someone carrying a gun, and he’s said some crazy stuff.”

On Friday [to recap with a bit more detail], Medicine Man & Little Debbie had this crazy idea to push on through the night & reach Damascus by morning — a 50-mi. day. We night-hiked in really cold snowy weather & quit after 32 miles. Stayed in a shelter with Wayfarer & Wallace. 18 mi. yesterday & pigged out at Cavalier Café. Stayed in The Place ($7 donation) — maintained by the Methodist church here. No heat but there’s a hot shower and I was comfy.

Mockingbird texted that she’s getting off trail for a while because of Green. Apparently he’s carrying a gun or is with someone carrying a gun, and he’s said some crazy stuff. Mockingbird called Erwin police but they didn’t find a weapon. Sucks.

BUT she’s doing a family vacation in Damascus & Marion around the time I’ll be in Marion with Mom & Dad, so we’re talking about meeting up.

A SOBO ’14 [i.e., a southbounder who thru-hiked in 2014] named Human Torch was driving through Damascus & stopped by The Place & offered to take me, Medicine Man, and Little Debbie to Food City, and later he drove us half an hour to Dominos. Did some reminiscing about his thru-hike last year. Now Medicine Man is sharing crazy stories about working in ER (he was a nurse for 7 years).

3/31

Left Damascus this morning. 15 mi. to Lost Mtn. Shelter. Medicine Man & Little Debbie pushed on, so we said goodbye here. I’m taking it relatively slow to meet Mom & Dad on Good Friday.

Nobody else at the shelter for now. Listened to Sufjan’s new album on repeat today, especially the song “John My Beloved.” I think it gets at the desire I have for John & the saints to be active & alive in my life — not “fossils.” My patron [i.e., my Confirmation saint, John the Beloved] is hard to get to know. I guess the tenderest affections are rather private.

We stayed at Crazy Larry’s [hostel] last night. Nice little place. Larry’s pretty cool, a little touchy about guests having friends over.

“Nutella seems to freeze even before water does. It’s problematic.”

Trail gossip is funny. Stories spread fast & grow into different versions. These days everyone’s talking about Coyote & Green.

Holy Week. Aquinas time.

4/1 (April Fool’s Day)

No pranks. 17.6 mi. to Wise Shelter. Passed the wild ponies at Grayson Highlands. One pony came up to the shelter where I had a snack.

Shelter to myself for now. Last night I was joined by an old man, Rambler, a triple crowner [i.e., someone who has thru-hiked the Appalachian Trail, the Pacific Crest Trail, and the Continental Divide Trail].

4/2 (Holy Thursday)

19.2 mi. in good time (about 9:00 to 5:30). Lots of Sufjan & “Pange Lingua” on the headphones. Didn’t pass anyone on the trail, which is strange because it’s been a nice day. Alone at Trimpi Shelter. 10 mi. tomorrow to meet Mom & Dad.

New favorite snack: peanut butter & Nutella burrito. But Nutella seems to freeze even before water does. It’s problematic. People eat funny things on the trail, like cold ramen for breakfast, or ramen & mashed potatoes, or sticks of butter (I think the girl who did that was sort of desperate).

“Old men were laughing during the candle ritual outside and comparing it to ‘the Druids…’”

4/4 (Holy Saturday)

Too much to write. Easter Vigil Mass tonight at Christ the King, Abingdon. 5 years a Catholic. Biggest event of the year to my mind, so in a way there’s a lot of pressure on it. Past Easter Vigils have been at the great St. Mary’s [in New Haven] & the Basilica at Notre Dame, so it was jarring to arrive early to get a seat & find I’m the first person in the sanctuary besides the choir — still rehearsing!

And then the church never filled up, felt sort of empty, and old men were laughing during the candle ritual outside & comparing it to “the Druids” while another old man became an infuriating distraction by taking it on himself to make sure the fire was okay & that sparks didn’t land on the altar boy, and then a cell phone went off in the Mass & we didn’t do all the readings & they turned the lights on before the Old Testament readings. But there was incense, & Communion, & a girl in a wheelchair (or a special chair of some sort) with her parents up front, & Debbie Frazier in the choir, & the kindly, calm Ugandan priest.

Summary of things: Creeper Trail bike ride & lunch today with Mom & Dad & Mockingbird & her parents & two cousins. Nice dinner at the Tavern with Mom & Dad. Last night we had dinner with Mockingbird & her parents at the Black Rooster in Marion.

4/6

A new chapter begins today — Mom & Dad have just left, Easter is over (well, not the octave), most of Virginia lies ahead of me, and for now, I’m alone. Aiming for Pearisburg by Saturday.

I keep wishing life would take a surprisingly joyful turn like the end of a Shakespeare comedy, or like the Miranda July story in which all the pain & struggle turned out to be a long joke & it’s over now.

“Someone with a lot of expensive luxuries would be met with bewilderment, or even disdain.”

Another reason I’m starting a new chapter is I just finished the Prima Pars [first part] of the Summa Theologiae (volume 1 of 5) & am starting the Prima Secundae [first part of the second part, volume 2 of 5]. Themes so far: the perfection of the universe (thus different grades of being); the intellect & will are not bound by any corporeal organ (though they affect & are affected by the organs); man as wayfarer who learns over time; material things as the proper object of the human intellect (species, not individual things); angels & animals & heavenly bodies (a strong sense that the heavenly bodies cause what happens among earthly bodies); the unity & simplicity of God; the transcendence & immanence of God; the analogy between God & creatures, especially man, whose intellect & will provide an image of the Trinity (Father, Word, Love).

Lots of the technical philosophical stuff just rolls past me, but I’m enjoying the reading. I’m uncomfortable with some of the passages about God “moving” the will, and with [Aquinas’] conviction that only a few will be saved. I like becoming more aware of angels & their involvement in our lives.

At Chatfield Memorial Shelter with a 20ish-year-old guy, Bruin. From Maine. He says I’m carrying the biggest book he’s seen on the trail. High praise!

I like how it’s a point of pride on the trail to do things frugally. And to carry as little as possible. Someone with a lot of expensive luxuries would be met with bewilderment, or even disdain.

4/7

Barn Restaurant right on the trail today. Lunch with Bruin, Brother Louie, Hozzle, Frodo, and Captain Tying-Knots. One-pound burger, fries, coffee, and hot fudge brownie sundae. Met a hiker named Newfound there, and now she’s at this shelter with me, Bruin, & other folks. Turns out she was in ACE [Alliance for Catholic Education at Notre Dame] and knows Emily [a friend of mine who works for ACE]. She taught at a Catholic school in San Antonio (chemistry, physics, and Church history).

“We crave true art and true religion because they don’t try to sell us anything.”

4/8

20-mi. day. Felt longer. Feet hurt. At Jenkins Shelter with Bruin, Newfound, Frodo, Hozzle, Captain Tying-Knots, and flip-floppers Bear Bait, Green Fire, and Top Fuel. Going for 25 tomorrow. [A flip-flopper is someone who hikes part of the trail in one direction, flip-flops, and hikes the rest of the trail in the other direction — e.g., the northern half traveling northbound and then the southern half traveling southbound.]

4/9

25 mi. today. Feet hurt a lot the last few miles. 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., more or less, so over 2.5 mph. Nice surprise to see Cinderella at this shelter.

We crave true art & true religion because they don’t try to sell us anything.

White chicken by the side of the road today.

Why is Aquinas so emphatic about God moving the human will? I can accept this if (1) God only moves the will to good, e.g., by grace, and (2) the will can resist this movement. I want so much to believe that God gives everyone the grace for salvation & the only people in hell are those who resisted to the end.

Passed 600 mi. today.

“The stupid anger over a small thing gave way to angry, frustrated prayer — perhaps irreverent, but I don’t know where the line is between irreverence and honesty.”

Amazing that I just read this in Aquinas: “God moves man’s will, as the Universal Mover, to the universal object of the will, which is good. And without this universal motion, man cannot will anything. But man determines himself by his reason to will this or that, which is true or apparent good.” He goes on to say God sometimes moves the will to some determinate good, e.g., by grace.

4/10

22 mi. today. New blisters. Stopped at Trent’s “Grocery” (more of a gas station) & ate pizza, now at Woods Hole Hostel. Great homemade organic food here, especially the bread they baked. Here with Cinderella, Newfound, Brother Louie, Good Knight, K2, Harry, et al.

Rough time with rain today. Got really wet before putting rain gear on. As used to happen in the car when I got lost or stuck in traffic, the stupid anger over a small thing gave way to angry, frustrated prayer — perhaps irreverent, but I don’t know where the line is between irreverence & honesty.

4/11

Made it to Pearisburg. Had to walk like 3 mi. off trail to get to the Holy Family Hostel. Nice shower, good place for the price. Hitched to a Mexican restaurant with a hiker named California, then hitched back to the hostel. Meant to read a lot today but failed. Talked with Dad & Luke [my brother] on the phone. May zero tomorrow & read a lot. Mass in the morning. Someone is snoring upstairs. Probably California. To bed.

“My rain gear does an excellent job of keeping me dry, as long as it’s not raining.”

4/12

Mass this morning at Holy Family; free coffee & doughnuts afterward. Now in McDonald’s doing Facebook & Twitter, planning the next few weeks, specifically when to meet up with friends who said they’d like to meet up in the coming weeks.

Gospel: Jesus appears, Thomas doubts, “Peace be with you” three times. He breathes the Holy Spirit on them, as God breathed life into Adam. A new creation, the priest noted.

4/13

About 19.5 mi. today out of Pearisburg. Felt kind of sick, fatigued. At the shelter with Cinderella, Sasto, and Hakuna. Now Bear Bait is here, too. Nice guy — said he’d hammock because he snores.

The only deer I’ve seen so far were not on the trail. They were in the town of Pearisburg, near the hospital, leaping over a railing.

4/14

Rained nearly all day. Wrote in a logbook: “My rain gear does an excellent job of keeping me dry, as long as it’s not raining.” Pretty wet all day, which sucks. But dry now.

“…your skin chafes painfully and you have to alter the way you walk, and you reach the shelter just in time to eat in the dark…”

Did about 18.5 mi., will go for 22.5 tomorrow if I’m feeling good. Then hostel & the Home Place restaurant on Thursday [a legendary all-you-can-eat place near the trail], McAfee Knob on Friday [the most photographed spot on the AT], Troutville on Saturday.

It occurred to me today that someone who accepts [the doctrine of] creation ex nihilo (immaterial spirit causing matter) should have no problem with the idea of an immaterial intellect & will in humans causing material movements. Aquinas keeps repeating this: intellect & will are not bound by any corporeal organ.

4/15

Some days you put on wet clothes & mentally prepare for 22.5 mi. in the rain & then come to some totally unexpected rocks, big wet rocks you have to climb slowly, worriedly, for what seems like miles, and later, though the rain thankfully has subsided, your skin chafes painfully & you have to alter the way you walk, and you reach the shelter just in time to eat in the dark.

“Girls are giggling, music is playing, and I am dying inside.”

Shelter tonight with Hakuna, Sasto (an acronym for “Some are slicker than others,” a play on Alcoholics Anonymous’ “Some are sicker than others”), and Jingles. Hakuna’s hike is raising funds for his mom’s non-profit that helps people with Alzheimer’s, and Sasto’s is raising funds for a children’s hospital. The former is from Raleigh, the latter from New Hampshire.

4/16

Dragon’s Tooth today. Almost like rock climbing afterwards. Now at Four Pines Hostel with Hakuna, Jingles, and Harry. Crossed mile 700 today. The Home Place for dinner.

Now there are 11 at the hostel, including Frodo & co.

Now more. The bubble! Noooooooooooooooo! Too many.

Great home-style dinner. So full. And Cinderella’s mom paid for all 11 of us.

Too loud to read. Really want to escape the bubble.

No cell service, no Wi-Fi. My buddy Hakuna just left for a wedding in Asheville.

DANG there are more hikers here. Like literally 20 or 25 people. There are going to be so many people at McAfee Knob tomorrow.

Girls are giggling, music is playing, and I am dying inside. Can hardly concentrate enough to read & feel like I have to look up every two seconds to make sure no one claims the couch I already claimed.

“He wants to write a book about his story: promising his son (when his son was 10 years old) they’d hike the AT together…”

Now Eddie [who worked at the hostel] is doing that thing I hate where someone who’s hiked the trail before tells me all the crappy things I’ll have to deal with in PA & CT & VT, etc., like tons of rocks & mud & steep climbs. I can’t handle thinking about that right now.

4/18

That miserable night turned out a little better when some of the new people seemed pleased to meet “the Ox” because they’ve been enjoying my logbook entries, and Jingles & I had a good conversation about life & faith. He wants to write a book about his story: promising his son (when his son was 10 years old) they’d hike the AT together, then the mysterious death of his son at 23. He found the body in a lake after five days of looking for him. This is Jingles’ second attempt to thru-hike the AT & thus “keep his promise.”

Hiked 26 mi. yesterday to Daleville, staying at the Howard Johnson Inn. Off to run errands.

4/20

At the huge Bryant Ridge Shelter. Only did 13 mi. today. The “Slug Club” (Harry Potter people) will be at the next shelter. They were at Four Pines Hostel & then at the shelter last night reading Goblet of Fire. Thankfully one of them, Bee, and a man named J made room for me [it was raining]. Nice day today but a storm is forecasted this evening. Here with Sasto and two section hikers, Iron Mike & Rickety.

Mass on Sunday at the Church of the Transfiguration in Fincastle. It was another church where people are chatty before Mass & the priest spent the first, say, 8 minutes of his homily avoiding the readings & talking instead about some new watch that Apple’s supposed to be coming out with. Shouldn’t one be able to expect, at a minimum, reverence in the sanctuary & a homily that engages thoughtfully with the readings?

“…for 11.5 miles I dreamed of pizza.”

Will do about 25 mi. tomorrow to meet up with Ben [a high school friend] at the James River.

4/22

Ben’s was great. His wife Katelynn cooked a good dinner (chicken, rice, carrots) & French toast for breakfast. They have a 9-month-old baby, Flora, very cute. Ben’s sister, Trish, was there asking lots of questions about the AT — she may thru-hike someday. Ben took me to Kroger; laundry; shower. Very hospitable.

Felt sort of sick today — drained — so only did 10.5 miles. Hoping to do 25, 20, 21, and make it to Waynesboro just in time for Confession.

“It’s like the Holy Grail, the White Stag, the carrot in front of the horse’s face.”

The new phone [which I got after the old one got waterlogged and stopped working], I’ve realized, lets me listen to music & drown out the silence, recollection, discernment. I don’t want to waste this time. I need to rededicate myself to prayer.

4/24

Pretty demoralized. It’s cold. Probably freezing last night. Was told (by Bird Man & Turtle Bear) that I could order pizza at a certain highway yesterday, so for 11.5 mi. I dreamed of pizza — then had no service. A hiker named Sonic let me use his phone but the connection was bad & Scotto’s Pizza hung up on me four times. Then I was told (by Bird Man & Turtle Bear) that a guy named Fresh Grounds, a famous Trail Angel, would be serving breakfast this morning 5 mi. north of our shelter, so I got up early & hustled, hungry, but apparently Fresh Grounds stopped serving long before any of us got there. He served the Slug Club, though — the chosen ones. And I think it’s going to rain tomorrow — a cold rain. And I was sort of counting on pizza & Fresh Grounds because I’m relatively low on food — am rationing it out for today & tomorrow. If only I could be in Waynesboro right now. At the Chinese buffet.

And later, another guy told me someone told him Fresh Grounds was serving food at the next road — of course he wasn’t. It’s like the Holy Grail, the White Stag, the carrot in front of the horse’s face.

Buy: new pen, TP, Aquamira, food, Mountain Houses.

“It approached one of the girls and she screamed at it, but it didn’t go away till Yellow Beard threw a rock at it.”

4/25

But after a week of disappointments (oh, also, see next paragraph), the all-you-can-eat Ming Garden really hit the spot. Huge hiker table in a back room — Slug Club, Sasto, Selfie, Scout, Slim, Sonic. Had 4 plates.

Got up early & made it 21 mi. to Confession by 4:09 (it began at 4:00) & it was a priest who, evidently, delivered homilies in the confessional. I was third in line & waited over 30 minutes, was next up when the priest said he had to stop. I just about begged him but to no avail. He said I could confess before Mass in the morning.

At Stanimal’s Hostel in Waynesboro [Virginia] with Sonic, Selfie (a Frenchman), and K2.

The Slug Club, Sasto, Scout, & Slim camped a few miles north of me last night & a bear approached in the middle of the night & in the morning & ate some food. It approached one of the girls & she screamed at it, but it didn’t go away till Yellow Beard threw a rock at it.

“The man kept talking to me throughout the Mass and gave me a dollar to put in the offering plate as if I were a little kid.”

4/26

Got to confess to Fr. Rolo before 8:30 Mass & he’s great. He takes a long time with each confession because he cares. Beautiful Mass at St. John the Evangelist with readings from 1 John & the Gospel of John. Also Psalm 23 (in hymn form). Good architecture, high ceiling, reverence in the sanctuary, and a few little girls were in white dresses & veils for their First Communion. And Fr. Rolo actually looked closely at the readings & brought out the meaning of Jesus’ being the Good Shepherd who loves His sheep & lays down His life for them. Just a beautiful Mass.

Then Kroger & Ming Garden again. Now with Hermit & Crane (the latter from Israel) at Stanimal’s. Good phone chats with Mom & Dad. Dad cracked up at my stories of being irritated at previous Masses, especially the one in Erwin when the man kept talking to me throughout the Mass & gave me a dollar to put in the offering plate as if I were a little kid.

“Jane is a nonstop talker and a loud talker and says nothing remotely interesting and I’m trying really hard to read.”

4/27

20.6 mi. to Blackrock Hut in Shenandoah National Park. Thought the Slug Club was ahead now, but they also zeroed yesterday & will be at this shelter tonight. Here now with Sasto, Hakuna, K2, Bee, Pa-Bert, and a section hiker. Today I met a flip-flopper named Slap Shot whose hiking pole was a hockey stick, and his partner who’s been sectioning since 1959.

4/28

Shenandoah has “waysides” where you can eat, so today I dropped $20 for a burger, sweet potato fries, coffee, & an outstanding blackberry milkshake. Chilled there for a while. Sasto told me Willow of the Slug Club is going to Yale (gap year now). But I’m a shelter behind the Slugs now (only did 13 mi. today); here with K2, John & Jane, and Lunchbox, who has also hiked the PCT & run a marathon & biked coast to coast.

Jane is a nonstop talker and a loud talker and says nothing remotely interesting & I’m trying really hard to read & I wish I’d hiked 21 mi. instead of 13.

4/29

Did 20.6 miles. K2 seems to have an endless repertoire of jokes. Jane is endlessly annoying. 22.4 mi. tomorrow, probable rain, but also a wayside 7 miles in. Have fallen behind on my reading plan. So hard when there are always other hikers around talking. I’ve hiked about 915 mi. & read 800 pages. Jane just never shuts up.

4/30

Rain. 40s. Mice running around [the shelter] in the daylight. Packed shelter. Leaks in ceiling. Can’t read. Frustrated.

“I read Aquinas on a bench outside the church, the sky blue and gold, and he quoted Augustine: ‘The love of truth demands a hallowed leisure.’”

5/1

May, month of Mary. Started out wet & foggy but cleared up. Lunch at wayside with Sasto — now “Cakeboss” — and Hakuna, who had some adventures in Luray last night with a D.E.A. agent named Dave.

5/3

St. John the Baptist in Front Royal, VA: from what I can tell, the most vibrant parish so far. Went to a Latin-heavy Novus Ordo. A packed church with lots of kids. At least 17 male teenage altar servers. Beautiful Gregorian chant led by a choir. A moving coronation of Mary because it’s May.

Front of the church had paintings, statues, stained glass, engravings, and an icon, yet somehow not clashing. Gospel: “remain in me.” Abide. Vine & branches. Tonight I read Aquinas on a bench outside the church, the sky blue & gold, and he quoted Augustine: “The love of truth demands a hallowed leisure” — to the effect that, if free from the burden of responsibility, one may devote oneself to contemplation.

Two nights in Quality Inn with K2. I like Front Royal. Last night Yellow Beard’s dad, Papa Pneuma, treated us to a Thai dinner. And Little Goat’s mother [i.e., Yellow Beard’s mother-in-law] gave us snacks for the trail. Turns out Yellow Beard’s brother was a counselor at [a summer program] when I went there [in 2007], and he’s friends with Joel [my counselor], and is studying Church History at Baylor.

23.6 mi. tomorrow, 21ish Tuesday, 9 before lunch Wednesday to meet Matt [a college friend] and possibly Fr. Hugh Vincent [a priest I met in college] at Harpers Ferry.

“Sometimes when we imagine ourselves doing something outlandish or simply different from the norm, we forget that we can’t escape ourselves — I will be me in the jungle, I’ll be me on the trail…”

5/5

Did the 23.6 mi. yesterday but only 18ish today because of the “Roller Coaster” — a section with lots of relatively steep ascents & descents. Wore me out. Stopped at ATC Blackburn Center, which has something between a hostel & a shelter. Caretakers Trail Boss & Sandy served us (me & a girl named Jakx Sparrow & an older section hiker guy) spaghetti & salad & a brownie.

Passed 1,000 mi. today! Pretty hot the past two afternoons. Out of Aquamira [water treatment drops] & drinking only from springs.

WEST VIRGINIA

5/6

Met up with Matt & Fr. Hugh Vincent & we ate at Private Quinn’s Pub. Father brought me batteries (for headlamp), sunscreen, and stamps. He also offered Mass for me this morning. He came in full habit! Great to see him & Matt. Matt told me he’ll be starting the MTS [Master’s of Theological Studies] at Duke next year. We went to the Appalachian Trail Conservancy Headquarters & I got my photo taken. Now at Teahorse Hostel — nice & clean.

The woman working in the ATC Headquarters studied Russian Lit and loved The Brothers Karamazov.

5/7

I’m planning to attempt the Maryland Challenge (all 41 mi. of Maryland in under 24 hours) so am going to send this journal & other items home so as to lighten the pack. I suppose as I’m at the “psychological halfway point” [Harpers Ferry, WV], this is a good time to reflect:

Sometimes when we imagine ourselves doing something outlandish or simply different from the norm, we forget that we can’t escape ourselves — I will be me in the jungle, I’ll be me on the trail, with the same character, the same virtues & vices. But a change in circumstances can, I think, be conducive to a change in habits. In about three months’ time, I think I’ve grown, if only a little, in prayer, resourcefulness, prudence, and perhaps confidence. I’ve become more aware of my desires, conflicted though they be. I’ve seen many beautiful sights, walked through many towns, attended Mass at many different parishes, met many interesting people. Thank you, Lord. I’ve enjoyed it.

Ox, signing off!

[End of my first journal. The next one picks up two days later.]

“Night-hiking solo was more — nerve-racking? uncomfortable? — than expected. I kept thinking of those nocturnal bears.”

MARYLAND

5/9

Failed the Maryland Challenge (made it about 22 mi.). Shouldn’t have tried to pull an all-nighter [I started the hike about 6 p.m.]. I got so miserably exhausted & my feet hurt. Would have been smarter to leave about 3 or 4 a.m. after getting some sleep, and also, if possible, to do it with someone else. Maybe someday.

Night-hiking solo was more — nerve-racking? uncomfortable? — than expected. I kept thinking of those nocturnal bears. [Black bears, apparently, are nocturnal.]

Too exhausted to go on, I thought I’d have to tent near a shelter so as not to wake anyone in the shelter (it was 5 a.m.), thus ending my streak of no tenting since February 10 — but the shelter was empty!

Next day I left about 1:00 p.m. & did 18 mi. to Pen Mar County Park just south of the Mason-Dixon Line, and a young hippie couple, Brad & Maya, were on the playground & agreed to give me a ride. Now at Days Inn in Waynesboro, PA [as opposed to the Waynesboro, VA, from earlier].

“They seem like devoted maintainers, as if the shelters are their babies.”

PENNSYLVANIA

5/10 (Mother’s Day)

Mass at St. Andrew’s at 8:00 a.m. Several people approached me afterwards because I had my pack, including a man I later saw with his kids at a creek on the trail (a widower with 9 kids).

Trail maintainer Curt picked me up from Mass, gave me fuel for my stove (I insisted he take $10), took me to get a breakfast sandwich to go, & dropped me off at Pen Mar County Park. He & wife Tawnya maintain the Tumbling Run Shelters (one “Snoring,” one “Non-snoring”) about 9 mi. north of where he dropped me off. Nice shelters. Sounds like they go there practically every day. They seem like devoted maintainers, as if the shelters are their babies.

“I considered how I might account for this sudden influx of rudeness — and I realized I had just crossed the Mason-Dixon Line going north.”

But I kept going & did a 15-mi. day to Rocky Mtn. Shelter, which has a gross water source about 0.5 mi. downhill next to a road. Here alone. Feet hurt. The Superfeet insoles [I bought in Harpers Ferry] do not seem to be helping. Even 5 mi. into the day my feet are hurting; need more cushioning.

5/11

I wish every morning were like this: solitude, sun, warmth, Beethoven, coffee, Nutella, time — no rush. Slept till 8:20 & feel refreshed.

Yesterday I noticed the day-hikers as we passed each other were not all saying hello, and a few didn’t even look at me. I considered how I might account for this sudden influx of rudeness — and I realized I had just crossed the Mason-Dixon Line going north.

But maybe what Pennsylvanians lack in warmth to strangers they make up for in generosity to friends & acquaintances. Curt was exceedingly kind to me; Alex [a friend from grad school] has offered generously to pick me up whenever I want, which will be at least a 1.5-hour drive for him in each direction. Looks like I’ll be staying with the newlyweds [Alex & his wife Ana] Saturday night.

Cravings: Indian food; going to movies — the Angelika [theater]!; days & days of solitude to catch up on reading.

First time to tent since February 10 (which was my second night on the AT). Asked if the shelter was full & a flip-flopper named Ed said yeah, there were four people in it. Could fit five, but whatever dude. A flip-flopper & some short-term hikers. I guess I feel a sense of entitlement now that I’ve been on the trail three months — and passed the halfway point today! (1,094.6 miles.)

5/12

Pleasantly surprised this morning that a general store on the trail not only was open, but served breakfast sandwiches & pancakes. Did not attempt the Half Gallon Challenge [a traditional challenge in which hikers attempt to eat a half gallon of ice cream at this location] — apparently that’s four pints, and the other night I found one pint to be almost too much. But it was fun reading the [logbook] entries of friends who’d done it — Newfound, Medicine Man, Bruin, Between, etc.

“Curse the gypsy moths or whatever things hang down like spider webs.”

At a shelter with just one other guy, Cardinal, who just started a couple days ago & is hiking three weeks.

5/14 (Feast of the Ascension)

Holy Day of Obligation, at least in Pennsylvania & most of the world. Mass at St. Bernadette in Duncannon, PA, a small mission church.

Staying in the Doyle — old, not too clean, but fine. My own room.

Curse the gypsy moths or whatever things hang down like spider webs. Plus the allergies & rocks — pretty rough.

5/15

Tenting again, this time not near a shelter (18 mi. from the last one to the next). Alone here & thinking of bears & who knows what else. Tried bear-bagging but the bags are like 3 feet out from the trunk — a bear could easily reach them.

Terrible allergies today. Must’ve sneezed over 30 times. Sick of allergies & bugs.

Nice Trail Magic today (fruit, snacks) from A.W.O.L. — Ageless Women On the Loose. They go hiking every Friday.

19.7 mi. tomorrow to meet Alex in Lickdale.

5/18

Great time with Alex & his family. Mass at St. Rose of Lima in (or near) North Wales, a suburb of Philly. I love all the Johannine readings lately. The newlyweds are great. Alex took me to REI & I got a cooler sleeping bag. He’s going to ship my zero-degree bag to Texas; when I insisted on paying him for the shipping & all the gas, he simply would not take the money. I hope I can repay the hospitality someday.

“The wind picked up just then, as if the universe by some fundamental law must oppose our food dreams.”

5/21

Been some long days, not much time to read or write. Took an extra zero in Lickdale because it was raining and I didn’t want to hike. (Split a room with “Mojo” — formerly “Hakuna” — Sunday night after bumping into him at the Wendy’s next to the hotel, then had the room to myself Monday night.) To make up for time I did a long day Tuesday (about 28 mi.), then 23 mi. Wednesday, 17 today, 23 tomorrow, 21 Saturday into Delaware Water Gap. Nice weather, a little cool, but I am sick of the Rocksylvania rocks and the dang gypsy moth caterpillar things getting on my face and shirt every ten seconds.

Been listening to Fr. Robert Barron’s sermon Podcast in the mornings and Serial in the afternoons, which latter I finished today (12 episodes in two or three days). Loved Fr. Barron’s sermons on Christ the King and “Mary the Warrior.” The (New) Ark of the Covenant goes into battle!

Aquinas actually uses the term “withhold” in reference to God & grace (I-II, 79, 3). God could assist but doesn’t — withholds His grace from some & not others. Aquinas gives this beautiful analogy in which the sun shines on all & some houses are dark only because they shut their blinds — and then says God isn’t like the sun; He “withholds” light from some “of His own accord.” I can’t stand this Augustine/Aquinas/Calvin thread. But Aquinas is great when it comes to God not causing sin.

I want to believe many are saved but I got angry when Fr. Barron totally skipped over the words of Our Lord — “few” find the narrow gate — and actually claimed Jesus never said “few” or “many.” Really?

5/22

Factors that have converged to make PA probably my least favorite state:

- rocks, rocks, rocks;

- lack of good water sources;

- dangling gypsy moth things;

- allergies;

- some shelters with no privies;

- more rocks.

Today I ordered pizza with Bird Man & Turtle Bear (now calling himself “Happy Thoughts”), the guys who misinformed me about ordering pizza a few weeks ago. We have a running joke now about food, e.g., “You know you can order pizza from this shelter.” But today we actually did! Got it delivered to a parking lot by a store. The wind picked up just then, as if the universe by some fundamental law must oppose our food dreams. Plates went flying, cups tumbled, and an entire large pizza flew up & hit Turtle Bear in the face. He was pretty stunned but managed to salvage it. To escape the wind we ate at a bus stop (or something) with three walls and no bench.

“It’s nice to meet another February starter. Someone who doesn’t make me feel slow, and who knows what went down in February.”

5/23

Delaware Water Gap [Pennsylvania]. Church hostel crowded with flip-floppers (or section hikers?) plus me & Bird Man & Turtle Bear & Nacho Libre, whom I just met. Sleeping on floor.

5/24 (Pentecost)

Mass at St. Luke’s, Stroudsburg. Pentecost! Did some laundry in town, read Aquinas in Starbucks, went to a beautiful Vespers that included a coronation of Mary. Stained glass of the scene (i.e., Jesus crowning Our Lady) and another stained glass image of the tongues of fire on Pentecost. Incense, chanting.

New crowd at the hostel tonight; too much talking. Nice guy named Frost who started February 16 or so; it’s nice to meet another February starter. Someone who doesn’t make me feel slow, and who knows what went down in February. That traumatic snow…

“I started to think, ‘Maybe bears…’— they sounded big — and so I backed away and walked back toward the campsite, looking over my shoulder…”

NEW JERSEY

5/25

Eventful day. Only 13 miles (left town about 1:45). About 9 miles in I ran into four girls who were lost — had started on a trail that intersected with the AT & then took the AT north instead of south. I accompanied them to the Mohican Outdoor Center (two miles north) & luckily a man gave them a ride back to their car.

Later I was looking for a campsite & thought I’d found it, but I didn’t see the spring mentioned in the guidebook. I set my pack down & walked further along the trail looking for the spring. Started to hear something near the trail — about ten yards west — and squatted down to look. Couldn’t really see — maybe deer? But I started to think, “Maybe bears…” — they sounded big — and so I backed away & walked back toward the campsite, looking over my shoulder. Suddenly a big black bear emerges, sees me, and starts running — thank God — in the opposite direction.

I’m camping about 80 yards from the bear sighting. Lord, keep me safe. (I’m alone.)

“I was just telling one of those girls I had yet to see a bear.”

Did somehow manage an excellent bear bag situation. After spending about ten anxious minutes unraveling the paracord. Every rustle outside the tent makes me nervous.

Welcome to New Jersey, supposedly the state with the highest bear concentration. I was just telling one of those girls I had yet to see a bear.

5/26

The mosquitoes are out of control. I think they may be biting me through my shirt. Will they eventually stop, or is this simply a fact of life for the next two months?

Hot day. Felt sapped of energy & somewhat dehydrated. Didn’t see three of the water sources mentioned in the guidebook, and the one source I did find this morning had dirty water — lots of dirt — which sucked. Then at the shelter Jakx’s dog Cali bit my leg when I went to get the logbook. No blood, but wow. Jakx didn’t even apologize, really.

Today I saw about a hundred high school freshman boys from St. Benedict in Newark. The majority were black — noteworthy because I don’t see a lot of black hikers. Courteous & kind young men.

5/27

25.4 miles. Some nice open areas, fields & swamps. Saw a deer run across a field, hopping every few steps.

I’ve seen deer, a bear, wild turkeys, snakes, moles (I think?), rabbits, frogs, lizards, butterflies, of course squirrels, various birds whose names I wish I knew.

NEW YORK

“I saw and felt blood — a cut on his head — and someone gave me a handkerchief to put pressure on the wound.”

5/29

Rough few days in a row — 25 mi., 23, only 19.6 today but tough terrain: some steep climbs — rocky — a couple of times had to toss my poles up and use my hands. Lots of shouting because I was surprised by the difficulty & am tired of getting into shelters late (after sunset). Thankfully I made it tonight about half an hour before sunset.

Need: new shoes? — food — new batteries — TP — fuel.

Send home or get rid of: gaiters — rains pants? — a lighter.

5/31

This morning as I approached St. Mary’s (St. Mary Mother of God in Fishkill, NY), an old man in the parking lot lost balance, fell, sort of bounced off his car (his back hit the hood), and went to the ground. This was 8 or 10 yards in front of me; I rushed to him to see if he was all right. I held his hand and asked if he wanted to be helped up, but it soon became clear he wasn’t ready to get up. I saw & felt blood — a cut on his head — and someone gave me a handkerchief or something to put pressure on the wound. He was so old & frail, had big swollen ankles. Someone called 911. I was handed a pillow & found myself propping up this man’s head, asking how he felt, etc. His name was George. Fr. Justin, the parish priest, squatted beside me & gave absolution & Anointing of the Sick — which sort of terrified me. Last Rites?

“As the paramedics took over, I awkwardly stood around wondering if I could ask Fr. Justin to hear my Confession…”

After a few minutes a kind woman (who seemed like a nurse or something) took my place. (After Mass she thanked me for helping & promised to include my name in her Divine Mercy Chaplet prayers.) About 10 or 15 minutes after the fall, an ambulance arrived & two paramedics lifted George onto a stretcher. I think I heard him say his leg hurt when they lifted him; before that he’d said his side hurt. The cut wasn’t too bad; it looked like he’d be okay, and I hope he is.

His wife was there; she was near the church entrance when he fell. I gathered that she could walk but generally used a wheelchair. A weird moment happened about two or three minutes after the fall, as I held George’s head up: his wife asked him for the keys so she could get some tissues from the car. So bleeding, fallen George reaches into his pocket & hands her the keys. The request seemed to me so thoughtless & beside the point — unless the tissues were for George’s blood, but we didn’t need them or use them.

The reason I got to Mass early was to try to make a Confession. As the paramedics took over, I awkwardly stood around wondering if I could ask Fr. Justin to hear my Confession without seeming like a selfish d-bag. When I heard him laughing with the man beside him, I figured I had the green light. He was happy to hear my Confession & later, after Mass, he prayed for me and gave me a scapular.

“He dropped me off at a Quality Inn — booked — so they called me a taxi to take me to the Towne Inn — booked — so I walked 1.2 miles to the Ramada.”

A different priest said Mass and delivered an abysmal Trinity Sunday homily. He explicitly avoided theology, talked about his parents, and just repeated the phrase “in the name of the Father & of the Son & of the Holy Spirit” literally dozens of times, to the point that that holy expression came to feel grating. You can’t talk for 15 minutes about the central mystery of the Christian faith?

Afterwards, when Fr. Justin gave me the scapular, he also “enrolled” me into … the Scapular Confraternity? Turns out he’s changing from diocesan to Carmelite. Several parishioners stopped him to say how much they’ll miss him. A fat man, funny, endearing. He spoke to George so calmly & reassuringly.

“It’s one of those elevated moments you hope nothing will spoil…”

There was a blood drive at the church & I tried but failed to give blood. Disqualified because George bled on me & I had a little cut on my hand.

Never had such a stressful time finding a place to stay for the weekend. Had planned on Peekskill but the hotels were booked; got a ride up to Fishkill with Kevin (stuck out my thumb timidly because hitching is illegal in NY & he IMMEDIATELY pulled over for me — the first car — that never happens), a large 22-year-old who cooks for nuns at the Graymoor Center where I’m headed tomorrow. Kevin also smokes cigarettes & volunteers as an EMT.

He dropped me off at a Quality Inn — booked — so they called me a taxi to take me to the Towne Inn — booked — so I walked 1.2 mi. to the Ramada. A room! Turns out it’s a graduation/wedding weekend.

6/1

In the Graymoor Ecumenical Library, an old man — presumably a retired Friar — is playing the piano beautifully. It’s one of those elevated moments you hope nothing will spoil — the two of us in the library, light coming in through the large windows, rain & fog outside. A chalkboard is between us, so I can’t see him; he may not even know I’m in here. What he’s playing is not fancy, but he’s very good. It’s like a private concert. Piano is the instrument for rainy days.

Graymoor belongs to the Franciscan Friars & Sisters of the Atonement, founded in 1898 as an Episcopalian religious community but received into the Catholic Church in 1909. Their focus is ecumenism.

“He reminded me of that Merton quote — just wanting to please God pleases God.”

I’m neroing [i.e., doing slightly more than zero miles] here today. Hitched from Fishkill with a nice man named Dave and only hiked a mile or so. They have a sort of shelter for hikers next to a ball field. Several chapels on the property, one of them Orthodox-looking.

I should base a short story on this moment [in the library].

Then a kind man named Ken, who seems more or less to run this place — or at least its finances — showed me around, said I could eat breakfast here in the morning, took me to the St. Francis Chapel to see one of two “death masks” of St. Francis of Assisi’s real face, and talked to me about the order and vocation and the scandal of divisions between Christians. He reminded me of that Merton quote — just wanting to please God pleases God.

6/2

Rainy day. 18.8 miles. This morning, I went to see Ken as he’d asked me to, and he got me breakfast in the dining hall & loaded me up with sandwiches, fruit, a book about the founder of the order, and a little medal of Our Lady of Carmel. My pack was so heavy today! But the food was good.

“All right, I thought, that sort of makes sense, except wouldn’t a better quarantine be to set up your tent away from the shelter?”

CONNECTICUT

6/4

Nice that it hasn’t rained the past couple days. Bad allergies today, even with Zyrtec.

Met X-Man last night, and he lived up to the negative impressions I’d received before meeting him (i.e., Cinderella saying he was annoying or pity-seeking or something, Turbo Gal writing in a logbook that she was NOT sad to have parted ways with him, etc.). He’d set up his tent inside the shelter even though there were seven people there, his reason being he was sick & was quarantining himself. All right, I thought, that sort of makes sense, except wouldn’t a better quarantine be to set up your tent away from the shelter? Later he tells me it’s diarrhea, possibly giardia, and “not contagious.” Okay. Then during the night he tosses and turns with a vengeance, so loudly, for so long, as if to evoke our pity that he’s having trouble sleeping. Then this morning he sits on the edge of the shelter floor watching stupid videos on his phone that I have to listen to because he doesn’t put his headphones in. What a dude.

6/5

I was sick today with something more than allergies — congestion, runny nose, sore throat, fatigue. Was tempted to stop after 7 mi. but drank an energy drink & felt better in the afternoon. A tough 17.5. Hiking sick sucks.

Now at a shelter with the “Safety Committee” (Captain Tying-Knots, Hozzle, Frodo), whom I hadn’t seen since the Doyle in Duncannon, PA. They’re drunk & high. Someone gave them a bottle of gin they’ve been drinking today. Two other people are here, too, a couple.

Full health would be amazing.

“WOMAN: He’s very insightful. Especially considering he was Catholic.

ME: (blushing) I’m Catholic.”

6/7

Salisbury, CT, is a charming town, but not for hikers. Everything’s expensive. I’m in a “tea room” drinking tea & waiting on $12 eggs Benedict.

Feast of Corpus Christi. Church of St. Mary in Lakeville, CT, close to Salisbury. Good homily on the Eucharist. At the end: “Go in peace. And go Yankees.” What?

Staying at Vanessa’s Hostel. A laid-back place, not too dirty but not the nicest. Saw Zipper (Longhorn’s dad) for the first time since Hot Springs. That’s over a thousand miles ago — maybe eleven or twelve hundred. Longhorn had to fly to Texas briefly to do a fitness test for game warden school.

It’s sort of a Salinger town (what I imagine Cornish, NH, might be like), but also a Cheever sort of place. On the bright side: values aesthetics, has not been overrun by consumerism, has history & personality & a localist sensibility. But on the dark side: snobbish, all white, filled with the kind of hypocrisy depicted in Cheever’s stories.

WOMAN AT BAKERY: (seeing my book) Thomas Aquinas. He was an interesting person.

ME: Yes, I’m reading him on the Appalachian Trail.

WOMAN: He’s very insightful. Especially considering he was Catholic.

ME: (blushing) I’m Catholic.

WOMAN: (fumbling) I don’t mean … in a bad way…

Saw Harry today for the first time in weeks. He’s warmed up to me a bit. I think he goes to UPenn. At Harpers Ferry he listed his trail name as “Just Harry.”

“I’m almost certain people treat me better when I’m carrying my pack — when they can make sense of my unkempt beard and body odor.”

MASSACHUSETTS

6/8

Maria McCabe, the other Salisbury hostel owner, saw me this morning and kindly offered a ride to the trail. Also in the car was Sticks, who in August will begin a PhD in Math at Indiana University.

I’m almost certain people treat me better when I’m carrying my pack — when they can make sense of my unkempt beard & body odor. This morning, for instance, I went to the post office twice, first without my pack (sending a letter to my uncle), then with it (mailing some stuff home). The same man helped me both times, and the second time he was noticeably warmer to me, even chatty, asking questions, etc. I noticed the same effect when I carried my pack to Mass in Waynesboro, PA.

“I got here hungry and was going to eat on the dry side of the table, but Boulder Man, farther from the table, alerted me that he was about to cook right there. Okay.”

Crossed into Massachusetts today. Nice shelter. Here with Bright Side & her dad, and Blue Toes, who studied Spanish Lit at a small Baptist college.

My right shoulder has been hurting (achy) probably every day I’ve carried my pack for the past three months. Tomorrow is my 4-month mark — anniversary? — on the trail.

Aquinas’ treatment of the Old Law is, to me, some of the most fascinating reading so far.

6/9

A day of rain, mosquito bites, allergies, more rain, and three slips & falls. And the aching shoulder. It’s amazing to me that I once wondered (on my first day on the AT) why hikers disliked rain so much. Being wet sucks. That makes 10 or 12 total falls, I’d guess.

“What Aquinas says about human action applies here, too: it can go wrong in one of so many ways, and for it to be right, everything has to be right…”

Did 14.4 mi. instead of the planned 19.7. At a shelter with Red Swagger, Boulder Man (old guy, sort of cranky, who was at Vanessa’s Hostel), and that couple who just got on the AT recently and do a lot of yellow blazing. It’s hard not to resent that they beat me here by getting rides in cars [and skipping miles on the trail]. I got here hungry & was going to eat on the dry side of the table [i.e., the side covered by the roof of the shelter], but Boulder Man, farther from the table, alerted me that he was about to cook right there. Okay.

It’s hard — impossible, it seems — to say on a day like this, “This is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice & be glad in it.”

6/10

A much nicer day. No rain. About 22 miles. It’s pleasant & satisfying to feel oneself making good time. Things click: energy level, terrain (e.g., no slippery rocks slowing you down), weather. What Aquinas says about human action applies here, too: it can go wrong in one of so many ways, and for it to be right, everything has to be right.

“It occurred to me … that we are literally walking on acts of generosity.”

6/11

It occurred to me yesterday, when reading a plaque about how some organization had donated its land to the AT, that we are literally walking on acts of generosity. We’re sleeping under roofs built by volunteers.

The AT encourages trust, I think. One must have some healthy suspicion, but on the whole we trust other hikers not to steal our things, trust those with whom we hitchhike not to hurt us, trust Trail Angels — even ones we never see — to be giving us good, unpoisoned food.

Did 18 mi. today. Not very hard terrain, but my feet were hurting.

There seems to be no outfitter in Williamstown, so I need to get to Cheshire early tomorrow & hitch to Berkshire Outfitters [to buy new shoes].

Stopped by the “Cookie Lady’s” place today. Her husband Roy gave me cookies, and I bought a Klondike Bar & two hard-boiled eggs (farm-fresh). They let you use the spigot & throw away trash. Nice people.

6/13

Feast of the Immaculate Heart. Yesterday (Feast of the Sacred Heart) I got to Cheshire, MA, and stayed at the Church of St. Mary — they let hikers sleep on the floor in two rooms. The priest let me pray in the chapel & church — had them to myself.

Summited Greylock today, the highest elevation in Massachusetts.

Was going to stay in a motel in Williamstown tonight but called ahead and all the rooms were booked or exorbitant because of some college alumni weekend. Tomorrow night the rates will be reasonable. So I’m at a shelter 3 mi. shy of town & will get there for Mass in the morning.

Saw Nacho Libre again today and he told me he decided to do the “international AT” — about 500 mi. past Katahdin into Canada. In the winter! He started January 1 and wants to finish December 31. A full year. I can’t wrap my head around that.

“I was asking God to be noticeable in my life, to make a difference I could feel.”

6/14

Forgot to mention a couple of insights from praying the Rosary yesterday. First, what’s described as (and is in fact) the great “overshadowing” of the Holy Spirit may have taken place with no noticeable difference in Mary’s life — until a few weeks, a few months went by, and the baby slowly grew. This occurred to me because the night before, I was asking God to be noticeable in my life, to make a difference I could feel. But I think He’s teaching me that His work may not be immediately felt: it may be subtle, gradual, like a growing child or ripening fruit. And then today’s readings at Mass were about patience, about the kingdom of God as the scattering of seed: “Of its own accord the land yields fruit, first the blade, then the ear, then the full grain in the ear.”

And then at the coffee/doughnut reception after Mass, a man recommended I visit the “Van Gogh & Nature” exhibit at the Clark, an art museum next to Williams College here — about 2 mi. extra walking (round trip), and I almost left without seeing it because it cost $20, but I’m glad I went for it. My favorite painting was The Sower.

“I wish I could be so moved by colors, light, trees, sky.”

Secondly, it occurred to me that just as Jesus visits John the Baptist and the latter humbles himself before Him, so Mary visits Elizabeth, who humbles herself before “the mother of my Lord,” the most “blessed among women.” Like mother like Son. Mary sets the pattern for Jesus’ life — or vice versa, in a way, because He is the ultimate exemplar.

A few motifs from Van Gogh:

- The solitary human, often the only human in the painting.

- The woman in black — mourning?

- People bent over to work the land.

- Buildings in the background (a hut, a farmhouse in the corner).

- Parallels: similar swirls in trees, clouds, wheat, etc.

He used to take a lot of long walks. I wish I could be so moved by colors, light, trees, sky. After a while on the trail, the trees just became furniture — a given.

VERMONT

6/17

Vermont is muddy. Wet socks. And it rained yesterday. I hate when it rains. Then the shelter was full & two old guys, Boulder Man & Grinder, hogged a lot of space. I slept on a slim table in the shelter.

I’m sort of in a funk. It was hard to leave town this week. Not eager to hike. Been listening to stand-up comedy from Spotify: Louie, Gaffigan, Steven Wright, Sarah Silverman, Ellen Degeneres, Chris Rock, Rodney Dangerfield, Bill Hicks.

My new Salomons [shoes] are sort of hurting in ways that remind me of my old Salomons. Rubbing near my ankle.

6/18

Seinfeld, Eddie Izzard, Bill Burr. I think after Louis C.K., Bill Burr has been my favorite.

“They said I was like a celebrity to them and took videos and photos and recommended I take the gondola down to the festival where there were ‘lots of women in spandex.’”

Feet are killing me. These Salomons are rubbing my ankles and toes raw. Makes hiking very unenjoyable. Don’t know how I’ll last two more days in them (when I get to Rutland, VT). Tempted to hike in Crocs.

Hope I can get a refund and somehow get a good pair of shoes by Monday.

I’m at the shelter this evening & up walks Attrition! Whom I hadn’t seen since Hot Springs. Good to do some catching up. Apparently he did some aqua blazing [traveling by kayak or canoe] and then backtracked to hike the Shenandoahs & has been behind me ever since, reading my entries. He said Nemo loved my Shakespeare/T-Swift entry in the Shenandoahs (Nemo is off trail now, and Rescue/Sasquatch finished at Harpers Ferry). All this time I thought he was ahead & I’d never catch him.

Summited Stratton Mtn. today, where Benton MacKaye conceived of the AT. Ate lunch in the fire tower there.

VT is so dang muddy. My feet hurt so bad.

6/19

Yesterday at the summit of Stratton a group of fifteen from the nearby yoga festival, “Wanderlust,” asked if I was a thru-hiker — yes — and then gathered around me (too close) and said I was like a celebrity to them & took videos & photos & recommended I take the gondola down to the festival where there were “lots of women in spandex” & asked if it was weird seeing people. Uh, no.

I see people all the time — too many. But people get this idea in their head that a thru-hike is six months in the wilderness with almost no contact with civilization.

“It’s a wake-up call, convicting me of heedlessness, wastefulness, ignorance, and indifference.”

Met an English major from Cornell (’14) at the shelter tonight. His trail name is Books. Last night I met a woman celebrating her 30th birthday with a two or three-day hike who went to Harvard. Captain Tying-Knots is at Brown, Harry at UPenn (I think), Doppelganger went to Yale, and Willow apparently will be at Yale. The trail goes through Dartmouth soon, so I’ll probably meet a student there. Need to be on the lookout for Princeton & Columbia students.

6/21 (Father’s Day)

Mass this morning at Immaculate Heart of Mary in Rutland, VT. Beautiful church; rather sparse attendance. Readings on water & Christ calming the storm. Fr. Lito was kind.

“Anxiety sets in when we don’t know how to live up to the expectations.”

I read some of the new encyclical [by Pope Francis] today, Laudato Si. It’s a wake-up call, convicting me of heedlessness, wastefulness, ignorance, & indifference. We are ravaging the earth & I’m part of the problem.

Hiker Hostel at the Yellow Deli has been nice so far. Run by the 12 Tribes something or other, which seems like sort of an Amishy hippyish Protestant sect. They’re interested in a “new, pure culture” and call Jesus “Yahshua.”

Ordered Lowa shoes from REI for overnight delivery, which means they’ll get here Tuesday. Have to call Salomon tomorrow to try to get a refund.

I don’t think I’ve watched a full movie since starting the trail (though I finished Orange Is the New Black Season 3 on my phone last night), but I’m hoping to see Pixar’s Inside Out at the theater here, probably tonight.

6/24

Shoes came in the mail yesterday afternoon & I finally hit the trail today after three zeroes in Rutland. The 12 Tribes people at the Yellow Deli were kind (particularly Aysh, the caretaker) & not at all aggressive about proselytizing. I got annoyed when a couple of people sort of made fun of the 12 Tribes people. They did not seem like a cult, but a small Protestant sect trying to do life differently from the mainstream.

“Betsy started hosting hikers as a way to pay forward a kindness shown to her son, and all she asks is that we, too, pay it forward.”

So many skateboarders in Rutland. I thought that was a 90s thing.

Climbed Killington Mtn. today. The Lowas feel so much better than the Salomons.

In high school & college we build up such expectations for our lives — people expect us to “do great things.” Anxiety sets in when we don’t know how to live up to the expectations.

NEW HAMPSHIRE

6/27

Such Trail Magic today. Randy made eggs & sausage & toast for me & Bones et al. He lives by the trail & has done this for years. Then as I hurried into Hanover to get my package (Summa Theologiae, vol. 3) by 3:00 (I did!), a woman named Betsy invited me to stay with her & her husband Bill. So I canceled my motel reservation and am now at their place. One of their sons has thru-hiked the AT & is now on the PCT. Betsy & Bill have section-hiked over 900 miles. Bill studied English at Dartmouth. Betsy started hosting hikers as a way to pay forward a kindness shown to her son, and all she asks is that we, too, pay it forward. She had a lovely speech about the huge impact of small daily choices made by many people. Tolstoy-like.

“They let you carry trekking poles on a plane but not peanut butter.”

Dartmouth has a nice campus. Went to the vigil Mass at St. Denis; the priest is a Dominican and knows Fr. Hugh Vincent. Gospel: Jesus heals the bleeding woman & raises the girl to life.

6/30

Betsy is amazing: a Physician’s Assistant who hosts hikers & does Trail Magic & donates all the money hikers give her to a food pantry. And is meticulous about recycling, has a garden, and goes hiking with Bill frequently.

A tough 17.7 mi. today that included the poorly maintained Smarts Mtn. (trees all over the trail). NH so far has been as muddy as VT, if not more so. And the climbs today were tough — and probably a lot easier than the Whites [White Mountains] will be.

But Fr. Hugh Vincent’s friend Matthew [a photographer] is meeting me tomorrow afternoon & letting me spend the night at his house in Manchester & then taking me to the airport the next morning. Ten days of family, good food, dry socks, hot showers, fun. So glad it worked out to spend the 4th of July with my family. [About a month earlier, I’d felt the need for a break from the trail and booked a flight to join my family for part of their vacation in Colorado, where we’ve grown accustomed to spend the 4th of July. The small town of Lake City, CO, has a parade, live music, a fireworks show — it’s lots of fun.]

7/2

En route to Charlotte → DFW → Colorado.

Matthew got some good photos of me & the trail yesterday. Very generous of him to drive me to his home, let me spend the night & do laundry, and drive me to the airport at 6:30 this morning. He’s done grad work in philosophy (all but the dissertation) & now is a full-time photographer. He & Fr. Hugh Vincent went to St. Anselm together.

They let you carry trekking poles on a plane but not peanut butter.

[End of second journal. Now begins the third and last.]

7/11

En route to Manchester. Sad to leave Colorado. Not thrilled to be making my way to the difficulties of the Whites. But thankful for a break.

“They gave me something to read in which a former thru-hiker explains how hard the Whites are, so I didn’t feel so alone.”

7/13

A miserable day. 16 mi. that felt like 30. The last 5 seemed endless. The day began with Mt. Moosilauke (elevation change: 3500 ft.), which was hard, as expected, but the rest of the day was much harder than expected. I guess 11 days is too long to take off. Had planned to do 19 mi. tomorrow but may just do 11.

To top things off, there are like 30 people at the shelter, so I’m tenting.

7/15

Yesterday likewise was miserable, but today went much better…

Yesterday I hiked about 12 mi. and was exhausted and got more down than I probably have at any point on the trail. I missed Colorado & my family & I hated how slow I was going & how hard it was. Which snowballed into other despondent thoughts. Things got better when I stopped at a hut [there are “huts” in the White Mountains where people pay lots of money to sleep on bunks and eat nice meals — and where thru-hikers can work-for-stay, i.e., do some work in exchange for leftover food and a spot on the floor to sleep on] and they were kind & gave me soup for $2 & gave me something to read in which a former thru-hiker explains how hard the Whites are, so I didn’t feel so alone.

“Lots of people drive up to the summit or take a little train, and it was a little annoying to wait in a line behind them to get my picture with the sign.”

The tent site was full & the caretaker absent, so I slept on the platform of his tent/hut thing under some tarps (there was a light rain) & another guy, Trouser Cat, even slept inside the caretaker’s tent/hut thing.

But today I felt much better. Had planned to do 14 mi. & did 17 — to the Zealand Falls Hut. Work-for-stay with GQ, his dad Walking Man, and Cliffhanger. My chore was to clean out the freezer & fridge. GQ made punch for us & the “Croo” (crew). I felt like I got my trail legs back today, and my groove, or Zen, or whatever it is. Planning to do about 15 mi. tomorrow to another hut.

7/16

Had trouble falling asleep, and then someone was banging things in the kitchen at 5:30 a.m. Breakfast was a disappointment — not much left over [after the paying customers had eaten], but they did make us some eggs.

Did about 15 mi. by 2:45 and got another work-for-stay at the Mizpah Spring Hut. Tough hiking again but some spectacular views today.

“It’s hard to write anything very thoughtful because people are talking around me.”

7/17

Hiked Mt. Washington today, the 2nd-highest elevation on the AT and apparently the site of “the worst weather in America,” but we were lucky to have a sunny day. Lots of people drive up to the summit or take a little train, and it was a little annoying to wait in a line behind them to get my picture with the sign.

“I went over and said, ‘Excuse me, we were in a class together at Notre Dame.’”

Another work-for-stay at Madison Spring Hut. Cliffhanger’s here, too, again. It’s hard to write anything very thoughtful because people are talking around me. I like GQ: studied art (sculpture) in college, thinks about doing stand-up (he should), does woodworking & furniture-making.

8 mi. to Pinkham Notch tomorrow, hoping to hitch to Gorham. Would prefer the solitude of a motel but may stay at a hostel if the price difference is big.

My work-for-stay tasks have been: cleaning the freezer/fridge and, last night, doing dishes. Not sure what I’ll do here.

7/19

I was sitting in a coffee shop in Gorham & saw a girl ordering who, from the side, looked like someone from Notre Dame — an MDiv student who had been in my Moral Theology class. When she walked away from the register I saw she had a Notre Dame bag — it was her! She was with family, & I went over & said, “Excuse me, we were in a class together at Notre Dame.” She remembered it was Moral Theology, but neither of us recalled the other’s name — hers was Maria. Very devout family who’ve been vacationing in this area for about ten summers. Maria drove me to the Walmart where I resupplied & then dropped me off at my hotel, the Royalty Inn.

“I get to choose which side will chafe.”

A few minutes later she called & invited me to ride around with her family, so I went with them to Pinkham Notch, a cupcake place, and two outfitters, & they bought me a [maple bacon] cupcake & bug net & new tips for my trekking poles, and they opened up & shared about their lives & thoughts on different religious orders. Maria’s dad is a secular Carmelite, so the main draw of the annual vacation is to celebrate the Feast of Our Lady of Carmel at a monastery in NY or somewhere — maybe the motherhouse for U.S. Carmelites? Anyway, Maria’s mother once had Stage IV lung(?) cancer that — miraculously, it seems — disappeared, & their youngest child has had a lot of health problems & got a kidney from his older brother. The dad told me a story about praying a certain Bible verse for weeks & then his ailing son opened the Bible & pointed at random to that exact verse. A generous & wonderfully devout family.

7/21

20-mi. day. Entering Maine tomorrow & doing the Mahoosec Notch & the Mahoosec Arm. Big hole in left shoe. Big hole on left inner thigh of one pair of underwear (thus chafing) & big hole on the right inner thigh of the other pair. So I get to choose which side will chafe.

Two least favorite things right now: rain & long steep climbs. Today I got both at the same time, though thankfully it didn’t rain much. I think I’m ready to be done. I think I’m ready for constantly dry clothes & potable water from faucets & tables & beds & showers & the feeling of walking without 35 lbs. on my back.

But I have to do Maine. And all things considered, I much prefer hiking the AT to many other things I could be doing.

Forgot to write about Mass on Sunday. Holy Family parish in Gorham. Gospel: Christ as compassionate shepherd. Young priest — Fr. Andrew.

Oh, I stopped by White Mountains Hostel today to see if Erik [whom I met at Top of Georgia Hostel and who told me he worked at this hostel] was there. He was out day-hiking, but I saw Brother Louie — he’d stopped for about ten days [doing work-for-stay] as he did at Woods Hole.

“Having good conversations has been a welcome replacement for my sad whiny solitary brooding.”

MAINE

7/24

The Mahoosec Notch was crazy. Did it in about an hour & 20. Been hiking with a guy named Nobody — 19 years old, on gap year, Jewish but not really practicing, very smart & well-informed & interested in philosophy & religion. Having good conversations has been a welcome replacement for my sad whiny solitary brooding. But I do hope to hike by myself again eventually.

“For dinner I had Thai food … and then went right next door and bought a burger and fries and milkshake.”

The first day in Maine was a brutal 15 miles. Yesterday was 21, not as bad, and today was a relatively easy (though slippery) 13. 17 tomorrow to Rangeley! I love being in town.

Saw an entry by Iceman here dated 5/27. [He was a lightning-fast thru-hiker I met at NOC.] Ridiculous.

7/25

At the Farmhouse Hostel in Rangeley. Saw K2 here! It’d been a while — maybe since Virginia. For dinner I had Thai food with Nobody & Five-O-Tree & then went right next door & bought a burger & fries & milkshake. Mass tomorrow at St. Luke’s.

7/26

I want to write a novel that sneaks into the cracks of life that go unnoticed on social media, in newspapers & magazines. A novel comprising lots of irrelevant things.

“I’ve been fantasizing about different kinds of food.”

7/29

Hard days. No rain, thankfully. Pretty hot. Tired of climbs, so I’m glad Maine is about to flatten out. Ate some good blueberries on the trail today. Ferry ride tomorrow. [It’s dangerous to ford the Kennebec River, so the official AT includes a ferry ride — the only part of the trail not to be walked.] I’ve been fantasizing about different kinds of food. Ready to have access to good food all the time. Maine is beautiful, but views don’t seem to do much for me anymore. The Whites gave me enough good views to last a year, at least.

7/30

A pretty easy 19 mi., ferry ride (canoe) went well, great stop at a restaurant in Caratunk: burger, dessert. Then a quick 6 mi. to a lean-to. It rained during those miles & the lean-to was “full” (6 people in a 6-man shelter — during rain), so I’m tenting with Nobody, GQ, Walking Man, and I guess some group of kids. Enjoying these talks with Nobody about ethics, heaven & hell, the existence of God, etc. He’s very thoughtful & reflective, especially for a 19-year-old.

“I grabbed a little tree to help me hop-swing around a puddle, but apparently the tree had roughly zero roots…”

Full day tomorrow (22 mi.), short day Saturday (9 mi.), then just one more full week through the 100 Mile Wilderness, then two or three more days to KATAHDIN. So, like, ten more hiking days.

8/2

Mom & Dad’s 30th anniversary.

One time this past week I grabbed a little tree to help me hop-swing around a puddle, but apparently the tree had roughly zero roots because it sank with me — all the way down on my back into a giant muddy puddle. Nobody & I were cracking up. He tried pulling me up & slipped & fell backwards. I finally put my hands in the mud and pushed myself up. Funny what a difference it made having a friend there to laugh with. Otherwise I’d probably have been shouting, angry, etc.

“If the past few weeks were like having senioritis, this week is that sad sentimental one before graduation.”

We also had to ford a few little rivers, one up to my shorts.

The only Mass nearby, in Greenville, was at 7:00 a.m. I started trying to hitch about 6:30, was not picked up till maybe 7:35 — by Dave, a nice Catholic man.

By the time I got to Mass it had ended, but Fr. Aaron said my intent to go to Mass was enough to fulfill the obligation.

Staying at Shaw’s, a nice hostel in Monson. Run by former thru-hikers Poet & Hippie Chick.

100 Mile Wilderness starts tomorrow. Katahdin on my birthday. I will not have read the whole Summa Theologiae — more like half — but I’m okay with that. At least I stuck with the project of reading Aquinas when I can & writing his quotations in the logbooks.

8/3

If the past few weeks were like having senioritis, this week is that sad sentimental one before graduation. You try to savor it. Only 10 mi. today, probably 15 tomorrow, then stepping up the mileage when the pack is lighter.

K2 & Nacho Libre were at Shaw’s yesterday, zeroing there today. Nacho has decided to stop at Katahdin; he’s ready to be done.

Although I’ve used Facebook & Twitter about two days a week, doing without them for the majority of my week has made me feel somewhat disconnected from & even annoyed by them, especially inasmuch as they focus so much attention on ephemera: trends, news, the latest study, the abyss of opinions. I think in order to write anything worthwhile I may need to disconnect entirely & instead focus on great books, great novels, following the trace of my interest & longing.

“I stood by an unprotective tree and covered my head with my hands and worried that maybe one could die from hail…”

I find myself wishing to write prose like Cheever’s.

It’s funny being around so many SOBOs & section hikers. SOBOs are having those early conversations about gear, which foods to carry. Sectioners here are talking about how hard & exhausting today’s hike was — they did 7 mi. from the shelter north of Monson. Meanwhile I almost feel guilty about stopping after such a short day: 10 relatively easy miles. I feel like a veteran. I guess I am.

8/4

Unbelievable hail storm today. Totally caught off guard — thought there might be some rain — then a barrage of big pieces of hail: most the size of pebbles, some like big jaw-breakers (not quite golf balls). It hurt, like hundreds of rocks falling on me, and a few bigger ones hit my head. I stood by an unprotective tree & covered my head with my hands & worried that maybe one could die from hail, like being stoned to death, and I prayed over & over that it would please stop — but it didn’t, at least for 5 or 10 minutes. Then I was walking on slippery hail, like loose gravel, and in huge cold puddles filled with hail, and my feet were soaked & freezing. Now the shelter’s crammed. Amazing how crowded the 100 Mile Wilderness is. I’m over everything, ready to be done.

“She suddenly starts breathing really hard, and after a couple awkward minutes of this, she asks me to move so she can lie down.”

8/5

Rain again; tired of being wet. And it was cold on the summit of White Cap. No view of Katahdin. Did 17 mi., shooting for 23 tomorrow. Weather makes all the difference.

This morning a family called Poet at Shaw’s & arranged to be picked up from a road four miles north. The father apparently had been vomiting from lack of electrolytes or something.

My first night [in the 100 Mile Wilderness], a large woman just making dinner at the shelter suddenly starts breathing really hard, and after a couple awkward minutes of this, she asks me to move so she can lie down. Scary. I ask if I can help, etc., and she says this has happened twice before. Later, when she was doing better, she said she’d been overheating.

Ten Things That Suck About Rain:

1. Being wet against your will for an extended period of time & knowing your clothes, etc., will be wet for a while.

2. Cold.

3. Shelters fill up — and this when you most want to be in a shelter.

4. Chafing.

5. Worse views — or no views.

6. Can’t take photos or use phone at all.

7. Anxiety — about getting to the shelter, about whether your sleeping bag will be wet, about how long your clothes & shoes will be wet, about hypothermia.

8. Slips & falls. (I totally wiped out today on a wet rock. Previously my right pole was a little bent; now my left is very bent.)

9. Slower pace to avoid slips & falls.

10. Journal, book, and guidebook are somewhat wet; some ink has smeared.

“We waited and waited, and they didn’t show up. As it got dark, we headed back to the shelter and improvised.”

8/6

Great day. 23 mi. by 4:50. Flat terrain most of the day; not too much mud. Was sprinkled on but no downpour; quite a bit of sunshine. AND Trail Magic from Snack Time & Teacher, friends of this family from Virginia I’ve shared a couple shelters with (Farmer Chef, Momma Bear, Gabby, Hudson, and awesome dog named Sarah — a Huskie). Got two bananas, an apple, Doritos, a Coke, some candy, and the family shared the Subway sandwiches that’d been brought especially for them — I got a 6-inch, best Subway of my life. AND Teacher took my two Ziplocs of trash. Made it to a shelter with space for me. Good day.

The family has section-hiked the whole AT up to this point. Hudson, 10, started at age 5. Ball of energy.

8/7

Last night after I wrote the previous entry I saw the dad, Farmer Chef, near the shelter, and he invited me to walk 0.3 mi. north for some pizza from Teacher & Snack Time [who also had all of the family’s overnight gear — tent, sleeping bags, etc. — in their car]. So of course I went. We waited & waited, and they didn’t show up.

As it got dark, we headed back to the shelter & improvised. It was getting cold (50s), so Farmer Chef & Momma Bear got a fire going. I set up my tent & gave my down jacket to Hudson, my rain gear to Gabby, and my sleeping bag liner to Momma Bear. I gave them Wheat Thins & yogurt-covered raisins, and the kids got into the tent & tried to sleep on the hard, gravelly ground. Farmer Chef took a few walks to get cell service & text Snack Time and Teacher — they’d been at the wrong road, and as we learned later, the right road was inaccessible by car. Eventually all four of them snuggled up in my solo tent, and I worried about them & felt a little guilty in my sleeping bag, on my pad, in the shelter.

But they made it, and in the morning their morale was impressively high. Farmer Chef had managed to confirm a meeting spot [with Teacher & Snack Time] 7 mi. north, so they got to hiking. 7 mi. later, we had a wonderful pizza brunch. Plus apples, bananas, Vitamin Water.

I ran into Teacher & Snack Time three times today. More Trail Magic in the 100 Mile Wilderness than any other section of the trail.

“I wish I’d written lots of keen observations and deep, Annie Dillard-like thoughts — but most of my energy has been spent simply on hiking the miles.”

8/9

Millinocket. Got a ride here with Bourbon & his mom from Abol Bridge, 15 mi. shy of the Katahdin summit. AT Lodge [hostel] last night & tonight. Now at St. Martin’s waiting for 11:30 Mass. Beautiful wooden interior; not glad to see a drum set.

“Dave said he thinks Jurek’s a nice guy as long as you don’t treat him like a normal person.”

Tomorrow (Monday): 10 mi. from Abol Bridge to The Birches lean-to. Tuesday (8/11): 5 mi. to summit! Probable rain; hoping for some photos. Then hike somewhere with cars & hope for a hitch back to Millinocket. Wednesday: get to Bangor. Thursday: fly to Dallas. And eat well.

8/10

At The Birches. 5.2 mi. left to the summit. So far the other hikers here are Beowulf, Breakless (German), and Billy (section hiker). Can’t believe the hike ends tomorrow.

I wish I’d written lots of keen observations & deep, Annie Dillard-like thoughts — but those things require effort, and most of my energy has been spent simply on hiking the miles.

K2 showed up! I was hoping he would; it’ll be great to summit with a friend.

Also a flip-flopper named Good People.

Cool young park ranger named Dave came by. K2 asked about Scott Jurek [the ultra-marathoner who broke the Appalachian Trail thru-hike speed record this year] & Dave said he thinks Jurek’s a nice guy as long as you don’t treat him like a normal person.

Excited to summit. Hope I can sleep.

“A beast of a mountain.”

8/11

Slept surprisingly well, woke at 5:09 a.m. & got up excited, started the 5.2-mile hike at 6:12, SUMMITED KATAHDIN about three hours later.

A beast of a mountain. Miles 3 & 4 were tough, tough climbing. Had to keep tossing my poles up and using my hands on boulders & trees to pull myself up [with full pack — I’d done the whole AT without slackpacking, so why start now?]. Scraped my knee & bled quite a bit.

As I approached the summit, it got increasingly windy & cold. But I didn’t want to take the time to put on rain gear — not till I summited. I hurried up there & touched the sign. Stayed probably two hours & got lots of photos. Soon after I got there, Breakless & Beowulf joined me.

Breakless smoked a cigar.

Eventually K2 & his friend Carl came up. I hugged K2 & we got some good photos. The fifth thru-hiker to finish today, presumably, was Nacho Libre, whom I saw on my way down; he was with flip-flopper Batona/Blood Blister.

Was offered a ride to Millinocket by a group of three men & a boy from CT. When dropping me off, one of them, Rick, gave me $20 for my birthday dinner. I ate at the AT Café & wrote my name on the ceiling tile for thru-hikers. Someone overheard me say I’d just finished the AT & paid for my meal, so I went over & thanked him & we talked a bit. I wish I had better answers to questions like “What have you learned?” and “What’s the craziest thing that’s happened to you?”

Feast of St. Clare of Assisi. Pray for us, Clare.

“I thought I might feel wiser at the end. Maybe I am.”

8/13

At a diner near the airport. Flying home in a few hours. Super 8 last night. Yesterday Charles & Suzanne from Georgia picked me up from the hostel [in Millinocket], drove me to Bangor, and later treated me to dinner at a Mexican restaurant. I’d met Charles, “Papa Bear,” on the trail on Monday. His son thru-hiked 15 or 20 years ago, the same year Bill Bryson hiked, and when Charles accompanied his son up Springer Mtn. they met Bryson. Charles’ son is mentioned in the book [A Walk in the Woods] — described as a skinny young guy. Charles was a Navy pilot and now does a lot of traveling, manages a small local theater company (and acts in the plays/musicals), and plays with his toys: a flying parachute, a boat, etc.

“Let the hike be not a laurel but a foundation.”

Can’t believe I did it. And it’s over. Thought I might feel wiser at the end. Maybe I am.

When you only catch snippets of news about once a week, the stories seem more absurd. Donald Trump is a leading contender for the Republican nomination? Is this real life? Everything on Facebook & Twitter seems so small.

Surrounding myself with rocks & mountains & the matter-of-fact realism of Aquinas has made me less susceptible to the sentimentalism of our culture. Listening to stand-up comedy has helped, too.

Soon to land in Dallas. The journey concludes.

Wisdom from Nacho Libre & Papa Bear: Follow the white blazes. When you realize you’re off trail, quickly get back on. And let the hike be not a laurel but a foundation.