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“President Trump hinted for the first time evidence proving his wiretap claims have been put in jeopardy immediately following an attempted terrorist attack aboard a scheduled flight from Beijing to Australia. He thanked the brave men and women who voluntarily undertook this most dangerous mission, cited the pilots who saved everyone on board as being top graduates of Trump University’s Aviation Division, and has called upon Congress to investigate why members of Isis leaked this story. “God blessed our skies” was the message Mr. Trump wanted to send, then segued for distraction or boasting he still holds definitive proof Ivanka was not a virgin before she started dating, including her 8th grade Valentine School Dance.”

  • Update* Engineers and medical professionals are in dispute over the actual source of burns suffered by an airline passenger, with one group citing batteries in headphones and the other concluding the inevitable psychological damage from listening to every promise and statement made by President Trump, yet unable to identity a single broken promise or factually false statement.

However, both groups agree Isis had no involvement on any level.

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