25/300: It is the end of your life and you are up on stage being presented with a major award. What award is it, and what have you won it for?

so am i, like, on my death bed when i’m getting this? what was the thought process from the award’s committee?

“oh shit, this dude old as hell, we’ve really been dragging our feet here, let’s make sure he gets this recognition while the gnarled old coot can still lift the thing!”

i’m hoping that if by some sweet miracle i win a major award then i’ll have a bit of life left to appreciate it.

a Nobel prize would be pretty sweet. maybe for literature. “the Nobel Prize for Literature goes to Bryson McLachlan for all those vignettes he wrote. we could never decide if he was going for sassy or introspective, but, uh, they were kind of entertaining. here you go, old man!”

i’d hitch up my Depends and shuffle my loafer-wearing ass across the stage and collect that sucker. yeah, that would be cool — as long as i’m with it enough to understand what’s going on.

in all seriousness, i would love to receive a prestigious award. maybe that’s self-indulgent and vain, but come on, it would be affirming.

however, if at the end of my life i can say i loved, was loved, and made a difference in the world — for at least one person — then that will be pretty alright as well.

and please lord don’t let me have to wear Depends.

knock on wood.