35/300: What is the biggest trigger of stress in your life?

i read an article a couple of weeks ago that addressed a study on the “healthiest” positions to sleep in, and lo and behold, sleeping on your stomach is apparently bad for your back and neck and posture and probably your fuckin’ spleen and liver and gallbladder and all that shit.

i’ve always been a front-sleeper when i’m sleeping alone. always. since day 1, baby. or at least as long as i can remember. have i been destroying my vertebrae for TWENTY-FOUR YEARS?! shit. i hope not.

this article went on to outline the second best position was sleeping on your back but that a pillow that is too elevated can also damage your neck. that brings us to their number one recommended sleeping position: sleeping on your side.

sorry, what? are there people who can actually sleep on their side all night?! do you not have nerves on one half of your body? you’re picking the smallest possible base to work with and loading it up with half your body’s weight. that’s a one-way ticket to pins-and-needles station, guaranteed. if i somehow end up sleeping on my side, i wake up with what feels like another person’s arm in my bed. there’s always a brief moment of sheer terror before i realize “oh, that’s my arm” but I CAN’T FRIGGIN’ FEEL ANY OF IT so it might as well be a fake.

now every time when i try to go to sleep i’m left agonizing over what position to sleep in. on my side is out of the question, i’m not a godamn anarchist. but i don’t love sleeping on my back, either. so what do i do? do i sacrifice the health of this precious sack of flesh and bone that carries me through my days for short-term comfort or do i suck it up and toss and turn for a hot minute before i actually get my beauty sleep?

there is no good answer and i swear if i could go back in time and stop myself from reading that stupid article i would.

stupid science ruining my sleep. yeesh.