A Meditation on Anger

My Missing Emotion

Photo by Jr Korpa on Unsplash

*This article will discuss depression and anger

I remember talking to a friend once late at night about my anger — or rather my lack of anger.

As far back as I could remember I had not really been angry and anyone.

In many was I was thankful for this lack of anger. It helped me to avoid conflict. I never had road rage. I was able to wait patiently behind slow people in the checkout line.

It all seemed good.

What I did not realize at the time is that I could not remember the last time I had been truly happy either.

Sure I would get excited about some upcoming event or nervous for a speech, but I was never moved with emotion.

I didn’t care.

When college became remote in 2020, it broke me.

I had thought for a long time that I may have some form of depression, but I was always able to justify not talking to anyone about it. When I first suspected I may be battling depression I was just 13. Of course I had always heard that being a teenager was tough on people, so I thought that if I tried to talk to anyone about it, they would just blame it on puberty or something. I also lived in the middle of the Midwest. Men there didn’t talk about emotions; they drank (privately) and went hunting.

When I finally broke down and talked to my parents, they were incredibly supportive. I was able to talk about things with them, and get started on some mild antidepressants.

Since starting my medication things have started to regain their color.

However, this can be a double-edged sword.

While joy came back into my life, so too did anger.

I still control my anger well, but is back, and I am happy for it. I would much rather be able to enjoy my life, even if it means an occasional flash of anger.

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Hi, I’m Ben. I’m a Graphic Designer, but I like writing stuff too. Check out my work at https://bscheets7.wixsite.com/website

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Iroh Wannabe

Iroh Wannabe

Hi, I’m Ben. I’m a Graphic Designer, but I like writing stuff too. Check out my work at https://bscheets7.wixsite.com/website

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