Interpersonal Relationships: 关系 (Guanxi) and Networking

(A night of drinking, pool, and relationship-building with Chinese rock star 赵传 [Zhao Chuan].)

Interpersonal relationships play a key role in quality of life for everyone in the world. It’s even considered the strongest factor in determining lifelong happiness.

Americans and Asians both work hard at developing relationships; however, we go about them in different ways. Americans, for example, tend to compartmentalize relationships. We have our work friends, high school friends, college friends, etc. When we move from one stage to another, some of those friends may no longer be as close as they used to be, even if they will always be considered friends. Professional relationships — networking and conducting business — may be done at strictly professional levels, perhaps only occasionally meeting outside an office or professional setting for drinks or a meal. Business is often (and preferred to be) done with those we may have just met, with a superficial, underdeveloped, or nonexistent relationship. The rules limiting the giving of gifts is a glowing example of this attitude.

Asians, in particular Chinese, place much more emphasis on the development of interpersonal relationships than on the business itself. They would rather do business with someone they like, know, and have bonded with than a stranger. This is often referred to as 关系 (guan xi — connections or relationships). Much has been documented about the Chinese drinking culture, for example, which is known for long nights of drinking 啤酒 (pi jiu — beer) and 白酒 (bai jiu — translated as white wine, but really a rice-based spirit that can be >50% alcohol) during dinner and continued throughout as the party moves to KTV (private karaoke rooms) and can last until 4 am. They build bonds that can form lifelong business partnerships. And the same goes with regular friendships. After all: everyone can help everyone in some way at some time. Friends and business partners become one in the same…a fuzzy line indeed for Americans as it is considered bad form to drink in excess, among other things that may happen during such an evening.

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Having said that, Americans and Chinese tend to have different attitudes toward relationships and expanding their networks. Americans tend to be of the cliquey type: small, though possibly several, groups of close friends. And they tend to be weary or closed-off and have a difficult time communicating with and relating to others, particularly internationals. Asians, with the biggest difference in language and culture to Americans have it the worst.

Chinese, and in my experience most Asians, tend to be very open, fun, and willing to make friends with nearly anyone. They are always interested in building their network of connections and developing interpersonal relationships, even with foreigners. Their biggest issue: Chinese, in particular, are notoriously shy. Perhaps because they feel their English isn’t good enough…even though they’ve studying for years. Once you get them going, however, you’ll be friends for life. Fun, ridiculous times will be had.

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