Two Men
‘And what of the Western omelet?’
‘What ‘of’ it?’
‘…’
‘I guess it’s pretty much your standard — ’
‘I find in its Western iteration that the omelet has reached its apotheosis.’
‘…’
‘…’
‘So you’ll have the Western omelet then?’
‘We can no more improve upon the Western omelet than we could, say, fine-tune the wheel.’
‘…’
‘…’
‘Chef’s been makin’ ’em up pretty much identical since about day one, so…’
‘Well that’s just about the best damn news I’m liable to hear probably all day.”
‘…’
‘…’
‘Go ‘head and put that order in for ya. Refill your coffee? ’
‘Listen, before you go… I like it so when I take the broadside of my fork into the omelet the thing more or less kind of erupts bell peppers. Is that something we can coordinate with the chef?’
‘You want extra peppers then.’
‘It’s like upon my first riposte with the fork I essentially want the omelet’s entrails to just sort of spew out onto my plate.’
‘…’
‘You ever field dress a deer, son?’
‘…’
‘To similar effect, is what I’m saying.’
‘I’ll just put down here you want heavy on the peppers.’
‘Heavy on the peppers! And I believe I’ll say thanks but no thanks to the refill.’
‘All right.’
‘The firstpoured having come served the temperature of forgotten bathwater.’
‘…’
‘…’
‘I can heat — ’
‘Not at all.’
‘…’
‘My concern is chiefly with the omelet.’
‘Extra peppers.’
‘An obscenely disproportionate amount.’
‘And the ham?’
‘What of it?’
‘You favor more or less?’
‘As the chef sees fit.’
‘All right.’
‘Just one final thing, if you’ll indulge.’
‘Yes?’
‘To the best of your recollection has a customer ever ordered a Denver omelet when in fact they had intended to order the Western?’
‘…’
‘It’s been my experience that some people go their entire lives understanding the two to be one in the same.’
‘I don’t — ’
‘And who in so mistaking the nature of the Western omelet absolutely, mistake in many ways the entire course of Empire.’
‘…’
‘…’
‘Our menu shows what all’s in the different omelets right there in the descriptions below the names…’
‘…’
‘Go ‘head and put this in for you.’