I mean, it was simple.
Treat others as you wish to be treated.
We all work by that rule, of course. Just not as much as we should have, evidently. But I guess that’s just another lesson learned.
I told April that she should go back to a counsellor or a clinical psychologist; someone who could help her properly at the least. Her being as stubborn as always said she wouldn’t. Again, she insisted she didn’t need anyone or anything; she was “fine”. But the problem with that was she did need someone and something; she was not “fine”.
To her, getting help meant she had been defeated. Did she want to admit defeat? Not really. But aren’t you essentially conquering defeat by getting the right help? By reaching out to someone who can aid you in the right way?
I had decided to stick by my plan of not letting April do whatever she damn well pleased and I sure as hell wasn’t going to let her friends piss about and pretend everything was okay.
But I was still having major doubts.
Again, I didn’t know what the best thing to do was. I wouldn’t risk anything, that’s for sure. I decided I wouldn’t bother with her friends as much as I’d like to have done. I’d talk to them, but I couldn’t and wouldn’t force them to do anything, even if I wanted. If they really were her “friends”, they’d have wanted to help her just as much as I did.
I knew that she, deep down, trusted us to look after her; the people she cared about. She was being in denial, thinking that she could deal with it all herself. You and I both know that she was stupid to think that after a suicide attempt, things would immediately go back to “normal”.
But what she wanted was precisely that. She wanted to go back to what was familiar. And that was completely understandable.
If I was in her position, I wouldn’t want to remember what I did to myself either. It’s impossible to imagine what April was thinking and going through prior to swallowing the tablets through to her being unconscious on the floor where I found her.
The Lord gave her a second chance to live and start again. A lot of people don’t get that second chance and she wouldn’t get a third. I know that now.
In the end, I realised that her “friends” didn’t want anything to do with her. They pretended she didn’t exist. They didn’t want to help; they wanted to be stress free and if that meant chucking someone out of their lives, no matter how much they were struggling, then so be it.
Of course, when April spoke to them, they would respond as if everything was normal, but they would never go out of their way to make the extra effort; to go the extra mile.
It’s not been that long since it happened but I’m still in shock at how she was treated. No one deserves to be treated in such a poor manner and yet look at what happened to April. Everything was improving until two weeks ago, at least that’s what I thought.
I didn’t want to push my limits. Pushing my limits could’ve meant her pushing me away. That would’ve just hurt the both of us and it wouldn’t have done us much good. Although, if I was more pushy, could things be different now? There won’t ever be a way to know anymore.
And that hurts.