Options.

PRashant Pant
Nov 2 · 3 min read

John Fish is a young YouTuber who does college Video Essays. His content is mostly about how to become better at Studies and Life (Whoo Hoo). He is at Harvard by the way. He is an avid reader. He read a book a week for a year. His YouTube Channel has almost 650k subscribers. The guy gets internship in big-tech companies like Shopify, and now he is a break from Harvard living alone in an apartment in Montreal (I guess). But there is something about John Fish that is fake. He is really a bright student, does programming and all, but there is something.

I am a Self-help nerd. Even though I hate to admit how uncool it sounds, I have formed a bubble of justifications to make it look cool and my most conversation I dominate others trying to sell them the ideas that I have been following. I read an excerpt from a book, if I find it convincing or if it is written such that I would get convinced, I see myself preaching it and defining my daily life around it, even though my entire behaviors so far had been totally opposite — which, in fact, makes me more convinced that I should own the idea.

Let me clear these things up. Sometimes I like to re-read a few concepts of the books that I liked. I was revising “Models: Attract Women Through Honesty” by Mark Manson. I was revising the “Vulnerability” chapter. I read it. And I was about to go out with friends. For some fucking reasons, I felt as if I wasn’t being vulnerable enough till that day and I should be opening up more and one thing led to another and I starting sharing some of my clingiest stories with straight Face. It is not as if I regret expressing them. It is more of like ‘Did I have to bring that ahile?’. All because I read the book for about half an hour. I would be cool even if I won’t have opened up about those things.

Now the thing that I am trying to make a point here is not to not execute what you read. No advice is good enough if they are just advice. The only thing that I am pin-pointing here is how fragile my belief-system is. How much of a pushover I am. If words crafted and presented are fed to me, how easily I let it define myself with.

Now back to John Fish. I have watched numerous video essays. I kinda found him inspiring in the beginning. He is quite an inspiration, to be honest. But I find the same ‘Pushover’ attitude in him too. He wants to try everything that he reads. He reads a lot. He reads a book and his old ideas are swept by the new one because now he is more convinced by another idea. His video essays are similar: one day he is all productivity guru; the next day, he is a whining bitch. He constantly is trying to figure out; constantly, falling in the trap everything that is being sold to him in the form of crafted words.

I understand the only way we grow is when we experiment with new stuff; when we have a feeling of inadequacy in what we are now or the possibility of us being better. I think this alone attitude can make a person embark on a great journey but until when? I have been giving this thought for a while, should a person stop self-improvement journey after a while? If yes, after when? Isn’t self-improvement kinda addiction? An addiction that is stretching far from what you are now and making you believe what you aren’t but wanna become?

I don’t have an enlightening answer and of course, I am not leaving this journey of self-improvement either. If I have become able to question the process of what I am doing (which everyone would say it is unquestionably important), it is because of the journey I took — and that is why I feel this journey is worth it. It is important to question. Most nerds out there, they are constantly talking about productivity, ambitions and getting it done — sometimes question it, question the process you are setting it. “It will make me better” is probably not the best of the answers you will get. You will be astounded by the level of reasonings you would be doing and the arguments that would be popping up.

I did the same and the answer that I found most convincing was “There is no other fucking option”.