I was just sitting in my room feeling completely overwhelmed like I do when a huge list of uncertainties are bearing down on me. None of these things bad, but all together somewhat daunting.

I’ve got a ton of work coming for the summer for my freelance job. I’ve recently picked up another one because I want the extra mentorship. (And extra moolah!) I’ve been dealing with some minor bodily hiccups which are at a point I think require surgical intervention. My insurance is pretty basic and basically will cover a small percent of it, so I’m deciding whether or not to just fly home to get it done in a country where health insurance doesn’t suck.

My default state is to always try to take the best course of action and get it right the first time around. And in the face of so many uncertainties, I was paralyzed by doubt and helplessness. When would I find the time to go home? If I have to go, will I leave my employers helpless? How urgently do I need this surgery? Will something bad happen if I put it off? Is surgery always just this expensive? My health is worth it, so cost shouldn’t be an obstacle right? Will I have the support I need, emotional and physical, to recover if I do the surgery here? And OMG I have so much to do, but how can I even THINK about work right now?

The internal spewing goes ON and ON. The fact is I have put things in place to answer these questions, but I crave an answer for these questions RIGHT NOW. Only then is my job done. And only then, can I rest and know the tracks are set and the train can run smoothly to its final destination.

When I can’t get an answer here and now, I find what I do instead is compulsively google my questions hoping for an insight.

And magically, I did find an interesting concept called, “The multi-tasking mindset.”

’Multitasking’ by definition implies that we are doing too many things at once,” Chapman said. He suggested readers shift their perspective. “We have to change our expectation that everything has to be completed right now ‘or else.’”

Link to site

And it occurred to me that while I am a compulsive multi-tasker in life, I never thought about how that could just be a reflection of my mental state. The need to get it all right and know it all now, makes prioritizing things a nightmare.

So one step at a time. Write out the steps I can take and drop them in a calendar.

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