Things For Which No Fucks Shall Be Given, 2017 Edition


2016 Haters

To everyone lamenting 2016, grow the fuck up. If you’ve ever lost someone to malice or disease, you know that life is random and unjust, but there are plenty of other conditions (notably, the election) that still rest under our control. Quit displacing your own responsibility, put on some big boy/girl pants, and get to work. 2017 accepts no free riders. The tragedy of the commons weeps for thee, motherfuckers.

Fame-Seeking Journalists

For decades, journalism worked because journalism sought to challenge power, not to gain power for itself. Now journalism is a profit-obsessed, click pandering, lowest common denominator, least amount of effort profession. If you value the spotlight above illuminating truth, then go fuck yourself. You are the WD-40 for oppression. You’re the same people that paved the way for the war in Iraq. Undoubtedly, blood will soon be on your hands.

Universal Basic Income Acolytes

Hi. I know you just tuned into the reality for working Americans, but you are the same idiots that believed Segways would transform public transportation (which, come to think of it, you should spend the afterlife stuck to one of those). Newsflash: the U.S. has never actually invested in re-training, we’ve never even tried to test its effectiveness, but sure argue for a complete re-haul of societal norms over testing common sense solutions. Oh, also, did you notice that the GOP now controls the Presidency and both houses of Congress? Your heads are so far up your asses that you think you see the future in all that blackness.

Singularity Proselytizers & Simulation Fanatics

The tech movement was born from the scientific movement. An awakening of truth and inspection. Yet, somehow, a religion sprang forth. The scientific method is one of the most beautiful ideas ever hatched by a homo sapien, yet you’ve forgotten that truth is only produced through the rigorous testing of your hunches. At some point we conflated discussing wild ideas with actually investigating them. Also, if you have no training in physics, shut the fuck up about the nature of reality. Your armchair ruminations are nothing more than mental masturbation. I don’t care if you’re Elon Musk or a local nut, hypotheses demand testing.

Holacracy & Teal Dunces

We’ve leaped from the notion of scientific management, too often obsessed with efficiency, to outright magical thinking. The largest and most visible implementation is in disrepair, yet still the throngs of believers bend and kneel to the cult of self-organization. YES! People should feel greater autonomy and control in their work, BUT the financial wellbeing of your employees are not a petri dish or ant farm to experiment with. If the consultants promulgating these theories were physicians, we would have revoked their licenses for the very real damage they’ve caused among countless organizations. Psychopaths want to play God, now they’ve found a cause in which they can drape themselves in sheep’s clothing.

Leaders Who See People as Stepping Stones

Ok, this one is particularly close to home. Eight years ago I decided to focus on helping teams work better together, with the belief that they would produce better outcomes for the world. But too often, I find myself confronted with leaders that just want a PR headline or promotion, directly at the cost of the wellbeing of their people. Yes, the potential of progress is seen by the few, yet it is achieved through the effort of the many. You didn’t build this, we did. I will commit myself and my firm to leaders of character, and I will be filled with glee when I watch the rest fail.