It was about you,
What we were talking, me and him, I told him that you are beautiful
I told him that you are a nice, and humble being. How you always hear me and my stories. How you had the sparks in your eyes, the way no one else. Your laugh, that I can hear across the room. The way you halt your breath after a loud laugh blast.
And how I always want to be next to you.
I told him that you are always been capable to make me feel safe.
You always lend out your hands for me. You spread it wide for me to hug. Your eyes, how they always smile from me behind those glasses. Your wide shoulders and huge figure always making me feel like I will always be safe next to you. Like the time you hug me tight, when there was thunder growling and grumbling against us in the middle of the storm.
I was feeling safe. I WAS safe. In your arms. In you.
I told him about us, how we were.
How we walk down to the bubble tea stall. How you would order for me. How we would pick something to eat afterward (but I couldn’t/wouldn’t for some reasons — ugh my weight). How I want to hold your hands in the crowd, but I should not. How I wanna hug you in times you are down. And how I wanna kiss you everytime I see you doing good.
I wanna be happy with you. But I’m afraid, that it is only me who is feeling happy whenever we’re together.
I told him about the unspoken nights between us.
The way we were. When you are not you. The time we were lost in eachother’s ego. It was a war between us. The way you would tangle yourself into me. But we weren’t, for we were restraining ourselves. All I know was, my mind was not in place. So was yours. And I know, we bent into our knees in different means. I poured into my tears, and you were down in your regrets for me.
And we were, once again, lost for the longest time. Goddamn universe with it’s infinity possibility. And I resent the way it brings you to me.
I miss you.
p.s : I love you