Open Letter to You (5.27.2017)

I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. I thought I‘ve moved on (…mostly) but you’ve wormed your way back into my life again. Kind of.

I know you’re back in town after your trip. I think about you every time I pass that side street by your house. I don’t know if you hate me or if you just don’t want to deal with all this, but I keep wondering if you’ll ever reach out again. I’ve played out so many scenarios in my head, where we meet up at a park, in my car, in your room, where I finally say everything I’ve wanted to say to you for the past nine months. It usually ends with me crying and unintentionally making you feel even more guilty.

I don’t think I will ever forget you. Nine months ago, I didn’t think I would ever stop having feelings for you. I was wrong then. I am “too sensible of my defects not to think it probable” that I may be wrong again, but I don’t think I am. I really hate how dramatic this sounds, but you were my world when I was 17. I had a lot more sappy shit written out but that’s beside the point.

My point is, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. The ball’s in your court. I just hope you don’t stir everything up only after I’ve (mostly) moved on again.

God, this post is a mess.

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