So, I just got a new car (a MINI Cooper!), and, once again, I find myself amused and bemused at how many other people have the same car as me! I mean, seriously, it’s not like everyone just happened to buy the same car after I bought mine; it’s just that I’m now aware of how many have been on the road all this time, and my perception is now attuned to seeing them all.

Has that happened to you, too? I’ve really enjoyed learning more about myself for years, along the lines of “Personal Development” I suppose, so I couldn’t help but wonder how this related to relationships, and to people with more highly developed attributes than myself.

Recently, the most significant thing is that I’m now in an intimate relationship that really works for a change, and I’ve noticed two things:

1. I see how and why my prior relationships didn’t, or wouldn’t have, worked.
2. I find myself able to recognize relationships that have been working, and I’m able to relate to them more.

It’s the second part that I was reminded of when I started seeing all the cars that were similar to mine, and it got me thinking about those truisms of “surrounding yourself with others that have what you want”, “hanging with the ‘winners’”, or “you’re the sum total of the five people you hang out with most”. You know, sayings along those lines.

Up until now, the most potent experience of that was “getting in the middle of the herd” while in recovery from drugs and alcohol. There were people that “had what I wanted”… sobriety, and while they practiced the principle of “attraction, rather than promotion”, I was eager to learn what they had, even emulate them, in order to get sobriety.

I believe that the same dynamic applies in relationships. I’m not sure what to say about this fact, but I had a hard time finding, let alone hanging out with, couples that had strong, working, loving, and sexy, relationships. I don’t mean to be cynical, but I just don’t see too many of them in my world.

Thankfully, I do see some, and I’ve learned from them, “acted as if” in cases, and am now able to reap the benefits by having a relationship — of my very own — that works for me (and for her).

So, I’m writing this for the sake of those people that are maybe still feeling lost and alone like I did for oh-so-long. Don’t give up hope, but find people with what you want, and learn from them. There really is no need to reinvent this wheel.