Your light

All I wanted was love

After all the pain after all the strife

All I wanted was peace

After years of crying and praying

All I wanted was an answered prayer

After all the broken promises and lies

All I wanted was truth

After all you have been through

All I wanted was to make it okay

After all the heartbreak you have been through

All I ever wanted was to never be the reason that you cried.

All your tears today, I don’t know how to make it okay

I never wanted your heart to ache because…

Let me love you

It had been dark for too long

All her thoughts, actions came from bleakness.

Darkness inspired her, she was addicted to the darkness, the sadness, walls closing in,

Darkness made her creative, just like self-flagellation in her futile attempt to atone for unknown sins, vileness, depravity.

She did not get it.

Abuse, when you have been in it for too long, normal becomes relative.

“He did not hit me today”

“He spoke to me today”

“He touched me today”

“He looked my way and smiled”

“That was a compliment, I think”

She spent her days looking…

When you are lost and alone

And your words seem locked in your head

When you have so much to say

But life has painted you in a corner

When the only way you know how to deal

Is put your words on paper

And a little “birdie” whispers in your ear

Medium is where you need to be

When the first piece you read is by one Tamyka Bell

And you immediately realize it is safe here, you are home

Freedom to breathe and to be

And though I have never met you, thank you for your words, for the inspiration.

Thank you for writing and thank you for the inspiration

Tamyka Bell

Countdown

Missing you by day

Wishing for the cool “Victoria” nights

Oh, my elusive bliss.

An entire weekend.

I work so hard days on end without a break.

Always looking forward to those three days I will be off and free to do whatever I want. Maybe visit friends, maybe go out to a nice restaurant and enjoy a Saturday afternoon out.

Maybe, just maybe go to the movies and see the latest flick, or to the museum, I love art.

I could easily spend hours on end talking to my friends and family, or invite them over and cook a nice meal, after all, I do love to cook.

So much to do, so…

You will never know how it feels, how it really feels to be in love unless you have experienced it. See, I have lived my life believing that I have experienced love, and to be honest it was not all that it was cracked up to be. I did not feel the butterflies and the intoxicating euphoria that I thought came with being in love. Neither was there that love at first sight feeling, spotting him across the room and something just clicks and you know he is the one?

I have been in love a couple of times before…

We are beyond broken.

This relationship has run its course

You cheated and lied, you pushed me away.

You hurt me so much, I hurt you back.

One of us needs to recognize that it is not going to get any better.

There must be someone out there, who will inspire you to do what you could not do for me.

I am wishing that for you; Love, happiness, devotion, fulfillment, growth.

but first, let me go. You have to let me go.

​

Every new year brings new hope to mankind. That is just the way it is. We hope that with the new year we will learn to do things better, different. That we will make better choices. We will cut down on wheat and maybe lose a few pounds. We will save some money or get a new job. Every year we resolve to make this changes in our lives that we often cannot live up to.

This year is different for me. I have a resolution, yes, but it’s different. This year I resolve to pay attention. I resolve…